This is terrifying - I hope you understand

[Nitty]

Don't be so tough on yourself, for crying out loud. If you were perfect at this you'd have elbowed MWD out of the way and written the books.

Our anniversary was much harder than I expected it to be. Prepare yourself, even if you have to use that "off" switch of yours, and boy oh boy I sure wish I had one. If the FU attitude floats to the surface, just stare it in the face and don't pick it up.

Starsky quoted that line from Band of Brothers... I edited it to suit my sitch, probably should stick to watching movies, rather than rewriting them.

We’re all scared. You hid in that ditch YOU ARE LOSING YOUR COOL because you think there’s still hope YOU ARE STILL NOT DETACHED. But Blithe, the only hope you have is to accept the fact that you are already dead DIVORCED. And the sooner you accept that the sooner you’ll be able to function as a soldier LBS is supposed to function. Without mercy FALSE HOPE. Without compassion DESPAIR. Without remorse ANY EXPECTATIONS. All war ALL DB-ING depends on it. --Lt. Ronald Speirs

I have been meaning to ask about your mom. How is she doing?

[Maybell]

Nitty, that was awesome. I'm putting that all around me for inspiration.

Shakespr, I hear you. But Nitty is right on.

[Shakspr]

Thanks, Nitty. I woke feeling better and your kind words gave me that extra shove I needed to get through today. (Mom's doing pretty good - she's joking about how glad she is that everyone has left her house so she can get some rest. She lives alone, mostly likes it. She's been in the hospital two weeks and had folks looking after her for two. I think that's the longest she's been around people in a while!)

Ss06 - I've got more!

I've got more, but gotta make that dollar. Peace and hope to you all! By the way, this is us:

For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through my host,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his passport shall be made,
And crowns for convoy put into his purse;
We would not die in that man’s company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
This day is call’d the feast of Crispian.
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam’d,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say “To-morrow is Saint Crispian.”
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say “These wounds I had on Crispian’s day.”
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he’ll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words-
Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb’red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne’er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.

St. Crispin’s Day speechfrom Henry V - 1599

[Nitty]

Tonight I held a glass, Shakespr, and toasted you on your anniversary -- as well as all the rest of us in this DB band of brothers (and sisters).

Here's to all of us having the strength to face whatever will come, with self-respect and dignity.

I'm a lightweight when it comes to booze so it was just a sip. LOL. (I would throw my glass into the fireplace but as it's acrylic I'm not sure the gesture would result in the desired effect.)

[Shakspr]

Nitty: You are a gem. My heartfelt thanks go out to you. We will come out on the other end of this - eventually! - just fine.

[Shakspr]

So, eldest daughter is causing a ruckus at my home and W is ready to move out now. She's "just had enough." I validated, suggested meeting at neutral location away from home to have a "civil talk with no expectations". No response. Suggestions? My default position is continue my workday, counsel my D21 to lose the hostility or get out, and let W come to me or leave at her leisure.

[Shakspr]

Neutral location ended up being rocking chairs on front porch. No real movement - which is fine. But civil discourse has been restored. (Including a little repair on my blip from Monday.) Thank the Lord!

Anybody got a room for rent in North Texas for a month? Would like to loan you my daughter until her apartment comes open. Sullen attitude and entitlement mentality come free of charge.

[Shakspr]

Feeling pretty down. The more I picture life post-divorce, the more I don't like it. I am really angry with the STBX right now. She's out of town again (dropping off the SS15 - 5th/1st wknds are back to back), and so I can keep things fun with my kids without pretense.

Until they are gone more or less for good. No Tuesday nite story time. Limited shared fun at school - everyone looks at the divorced Dad differently; I've seen it often enough. Averaging 9 of 30 nites per month blows. She's destroying my family and all the odds are stacked against me. I hope she doesn't turn around and do this again to someone else.

Anyway, ran 3 miles yesterday; swam 10 laps (500M) today. That helps. Tomorrow is a rest day, thankfully, as my right knee is not happy!

[Shakspr]

A letter to my Wife:

Dearest M____,
You and I have begun two separate journeys. I know that neither of us ever wished for our marriage to reach this point.

And yet it has. As our journey together ends and two new ones begin, sometimes parallel, sometimes apart, I ask you to consider.

If those paths cross, and you decide to linger…look around for a while. You may like what you see. I am not the man I once was. This is true because I know another Truth.

If I ever have a chance to Love you again, I will Love you so fiercely that Hell itself will be unable to tear us apart.

Truly yours,
J___

[Shakspr]

No idea when I will write this to her, but I will. My heart is broken but Love isn't.

Peace, Love and Joy to you all. This is certainly one heck of a ride.