Hi Claire, I'll put my 2 cents in. Bake the cake but not as a thank you. Tell him it is a treat for D3 if you like or just don't say anything except "I baked this delicious cake! Enjoy!"
Argh. Sometimes I wonder whether I've really changed, or whether just being away from my H has been the important factor.
D3 was due back at 4 pm. He texts at 3:20 that they are back early and can they come in. I didn't respond. 10 minutes later he rings the doorbell. I try to act pleasant, but maybe without thinking said, "oh, I wasn't expecting you home until 4:00!" H: well, I texted you that we didn't hit traffic and were back early. I didn't want to just sit in the car, and D3 wanted to come home. You didn't answer my text so I buzzed. You don't need to be here, I can take care of her if you are in the middle of something. Sorry if I took you away from what you were doing."
But he was visibly frustrated.
Then, see, Claire, this is what I meant by you make it awkward.
So, i failed that test.
How much do i care? Not sure.
Cake is in oven. Kind of want to shove his face in it. Here ya go, mr. Wonderful.
Correction: I did not fail miserably. 20 minutes after he left I got a long email that started off like this:
"I'm sorry for over-reacting earlier. It's ok that you were just taken aback by the early arrival. I hope you understand why I was early and hope that it wasn't too much of an imposition. "
He went on to add some other stuff about why he was in a bad mood, and apologized for projecting onto me, and said the cake smelled great and he was looking forward to having some with D3.
Back in the game, baby. The marathon continues. This DB is not for the faint of heart, I tell you. But whatever happens I know i will look back on this with lots of pride.
And thanks for all the suggestion about the cake! I took your advice.
You may not be perfect in H's eyes, but I bet you bake a heck of a cake!
I got Mindset too---on Audible. So I can listen to it as I try and fall asleep.
We can do a book talk!
---GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
haha! Let's do a book talk for sure GGG! I'd be interested to hear whether others are fixed or growth mindsets.
Claire good job! And to be honest I think you had the right to be irritated when he showed up early. What if you had a guy there? I mean, that is what I think when my H just assumes he can show up or whatever. I mean, we are not together so... what if I had a guy over and he just showed up whenever he wanted? Not cool.
Thanks! I love to bake... I started a few years ago (never had that growing up), but basically completely stopped when D3 was born. But now have started up again a bit. Really enjoy it. Have even done some actual cooking, which is a 180 for me.
