Another tip...if H sends you another text, after you send ^^ your response, pushing for your thoughts or whatever...ignore it and do NOT respond to it at all.
So I sent the "you can figure it out" email late last night. No reply as of yet. We have texted this morning about what time he will be back today and if he should take D16 car shopping.
In order to get to sleep at night I have been entertaining myself with things I'd like to change about the house once he moves. That may be a bit petty but it works.
I changed the marital house when Ms. Wonka moved out and she NOTICED alright. You can to ahead and do your house makeover to suit to your style preferences. Especially your bedroom. Trust me...that will hit H hard in between the eyes.
Just journaling a bit. H got home early afternoon, took S18 to a Scout BBQ, then took D16 car shopping. H grilled steaks for dinner, it was a pleasant afternoon/evening. I just don't understand how we can have such a good time as a family and he still wants to leave it all.
Not much else to report, he hasn't asked for my advice on his apartment again, probably won't since I've turned him down twice. The downside of that is that I won't know he's rented a place until he says he found a place and is ready to move in.
I just keep praying to get my life back, even though I know we can't go back and that I shouldn't want to. After all, where I was then led me to where I am now. It's a struggle.
Just journaling a bit. H got home early afternoon, took S18 to a Scout BBQ, then took D16 car shopping. H grilled steaks for dinner, it was a pleasant afternoon/evening. I just don't understand how we can have such a good time as a family and he still wants to leave it all. Focus on the positives.
Not much else to report, he hasn't asked for my advice on his apartment again, probably won't since I've turned him down twice. Good for you!! The downside of that is that I won't know he's rented a place until he says he found a place and is ready to move in. It'll all be revealed in due course. Patience.
Limping along. I have been to a couple of events with a Meet-Up group, which was quite the challenge for me, I'm uncomfortable meeting new people. The past two weeks I've been to a different church which is a big deal for me as I'm rather entrenched in where I am for a lot of reasons job/kids/H in a leadership role. I can't leave my current church, but it was good to experience something else. I've been to lunch with friends a couple of times. I've spent more time just hanging out with D11 in the pool, etc.
My girls start school next week, and D11 will be at a totally new school, we don't know anyone there. I'll try to get involved in the parents' association, volunteer for some things.
As I write this out, I notice two things. One, H doesn't know about any of it with the exception of the new church visit. That means it's truly for me. And two, I'm not really learning anything new here, not fundamentally changing who I am, I'm just making myself uncomfortable meeting new people. Is there any actual value to that, or do I need to be learning new hobbies/skills? I see other people posting lists of great new sports and dance classes they've taken up. I feel a little inadequate, but time is just a HUGE factor.
Hi all, just journaling again. There's not that much to tell, life goes on. H and I texted/emailed a few times during the day about kid stuff, we all ate dinner together and had a laid back evening. That's it. No drama whatsoever.
My SIL did upset me, though. She texted me and asked if I had been showing anger towards H. I questioned why she would ask that and it turns out that she thought that maybe H needed me to have an emotional outburst to realize that I love him. She also mentioned that I hadn't asked any questions about the OW. I replied that I was trying to maintain some grace and dignity throughout this nightmare and had no intention of polluting my brain with images of H and OW that would make it hard for me to act lovingly towards him, and H didn't need me having a hissy fit in the floor to know that I love him. The whole thing upset me.
I am glad to read that you're GALing pretty good. Keep it up.
Be careful of engaging the ILs since blood is thicker than water and they'll side with their brother regardless of what the sitch is actually on the ground.
You might want to say something like this:
"Thank you for your concern. It is clear that you care very much about your brother. As do I. H and I are working on our issues. Thank you for checking in. Have a good day!"
Be careful of engaging the ILs since blood is thicker than water and they'll side with their brother regardless of what the sitch is actually on the ground.
H's sister and mom have actually very supportive of me. SIL especially (who is a Christian counselor and works with couples in crisis) has repeatedly let me know that she loves me and wants our M to work out. I have vented to her some and she readily recognizes that her brother is not acting his usual self these days. She is disgusted by his A, and she's generally been great to me. Yesterday's text took me by surprise. Maybe that's why I reacted to it so.
But you are right that in the end, when it's all over, they will by necessity be on his side. I've told her that, but need to keep it in mind myself. Thanks.
Well, this may possibly be a huge DB fail, but that's OK. It's a big shift for me and that's good enough. I told H (by text) about his sister's text and that it upset me. I only mentioned the "emotional outburst=love" part and not the OW part. There was no pressure about the ILY and I didn't require a response in any way. But just showing any vulnerability to H is big for me, sounds odd to say that about someone I have been married to a quarter of a century, but it's true. H actually bothered to reply, which pleased me, and I said thank you for listening to me and that was that. Even if it was DB fail, I was happy with the exchange.
