Blindsided and Lost, Part 2

[SunnyB]

Opening a new thread. Here's the link to my old one:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457448#Post2457448

[SunnyB]

So, is this an appropriate reply to my H's email about what kind of apartment he should rent?

"Yes, the size/price/location tradeoff is certainly a dilemma. I'm sure you'll choose what's best.

I do want to finish nailing down the terms of the separation agreement before you make the move. Let me know when you've made an appointment with MC so I can put it on my calendar. "

[SunnyB]

So I sent my reply email this morning, haven't heard back anything. The only contact so far today has been some texts about the bathroom remodel. H seemed he!!bent on getting it done, now I understand why.

I'm feeling very lethargic today. Not crying, just tired and numb.

[Wonka]

RRPL,

Sorry to have been MIA for a while, sweetie.

So, is this an appropriate reply to my H's email about what kind of apartment he should rent?

"Yes, the size/price/location tradeoff is certainly a dilemma. I'm sure you'll choose what's best.

I do want to finish nailing down the terms of the separation agreement before you make the move. Let me know when you've made an appointment with MC so I can put it on my calendar. "

The second portion is controlling. It is your fear and anexity that is coming out. Do you now see it?

[SunnyB]

[/quote]

The second portion is controlling. It is your fear and anexity that is coming out. Do you now see it?

Wonka I do see how the second part is controlling. But most of that agreement is about the children and the point of the appointment is to discuss the kids too. Shouldn't there be a loophole if I'm trying to protect my kids? Or not?

[Wonka]

Look back at what you said to H:

It essentially told him that he CANNOT move until he signed the SA. You cannot control what he can or cannot do. If he wants to move out or move to another locale, so be it.

These are two separate issues.

Do you see what I am driving at here, RPPFL?

[SunnyB]

Sort of. Intellectually I totally get it. Yes I was trying to control his actions before he moved out. Something to learn from in the future. But emotionally (I am a woman after all) I felt like I was finally standing up for myself and my kids after a lot of years of not doing that. In this scenario I was reminding him of something he had already promised.

So my question is, was there way to stand up for myself and kids without coming across as controlling? Or is that just something to let go of? Teach me.

[SunnyB]

So I just received a second email:

"But what are your thoughts about 3 vs 2 bedrooms"

That's the whole thing. His concern is that if he doesn't get 3 bedrooms then d16 will never go see him. Honestly she probably won't anyway. I can't believe he actually thinks I'm going to participate in this in any way. If I did I could never look my kids in the eye again.

[Wonka]

Just simply say:

I am sure you can figure this out and have every confidence that you will. Good luck!

You want to make sure that H owns his choices since he wanted out of the M. Let him figure this out all by his lonesome self!

[SunnyB]

Just simply say:

I am sure you can figure this out and have every confidence that you will. Good luck!

You want to make sure that H owns his choices since he wanted out of the M. Let him figure this out all by his lonesome self!

Wonka I am totally prepared to say that this time! :-)