So today, she texted asking for me to meet her late, so she could work more, money tight, and of course complained about it being that way. What is the best way to handle that, not make her mad or anything, but say something meaningful? I just try to validate, and move on.
I guess really it's the impatient part of me saying, "why are we continuing this path, if neither one of us is comfortable in it". And I know I can't just outright say that, but it's what I'm thinking. Just go back to being quiet, she has been texting more of late though. Last night texted about her final she was taking, and that she got an A in the class. I said the wrong thing probably, but told her I was proud of her, part of the validation I am trying, should have left that out. At least she is giving some feedback though, and I am not iniating anything. Still hard as heck to do, but forward we march.
Roid- sounds like you're responding the right way. My WAW took a new job and has complained to me about the hours, how broke she is, etc. I just try to validate and listen. It is difficult to keep your mouth shut at times, but I think the more you listen, the more comfortable she'll feel in opening up to you, hopefully leading to more meaningful conversation.
It is funny how they will text or call you, complaining about the life that they chose... baffles my mind sometimes.
Me: 35 Her: 33 D : 16 S : 9 Together: 14 years Married: 12 She left 4/14/2014 Separated: 5/25/2014 OM Confirmed 7/2014 She filed 8/7/2014 I Filed 10/21/2014 Divorce final 2/12/2015
It's not even that. In all reality, they don't think they chose this, but were forced to do this. So the complaining is okay, part of it. It's the way it gets handled by me, that I think is off. But who knows, maybe just let it go and don't respond, or just validate. I'll keep working at it.
Oh and I screwed up and texted it doesn't have to be this way. I tried to stop myself before I sent it, but it was a knee jerk reaction. Almost like my brain wasn't catching up. So time to drop everything again, and hope she doesn't stop contacting me.
Having a tough couple of days, really missing the W and kids. They have been with her for a few days. It has been silent since Monday night though, I talked to her and the D's a bit that night. Was trying to get something figured out, tech related on my end, so texted a bit that night.
Going dark is definitely worth it, I have figured out Everytime we talk or texts it takes a couple of days to get back to being comfortable. The communication brings up positive and negative thoughts at the same time. Just not ready to deal with the bad stuff yet I guess.
I have been having a hard time finding people to hang out with. I know a few people, but Everytime I ask to do something they are busy. I have bee netting out a lot on my own lately though, which helps, but I need some people around. Nice to just have positive interactions with others.
I am with you man. I am getting to the stage where I am getting used to being away from them sometimes and that scares the hell out of me. I don`t want to get used to separation as normal. Family is normal and hard to be at home without WAW and kids.
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Going dark is definitely worth it, I have figured out Everytime we talk or texts it takes a couple of days to get back to being comfortable. The communication brings up positive and negative thoughts at the same time. Just not ready to deal with the bad stuff yet I guess.
Yeah I think going dark has been good for me as well. I think making sure not to mindread is the toughest cause `lack of communication is the devils playground`Keep on it...it will take awhile for her to figure it out I am sure she like my WAW doesn`t like it.
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I have been having a hard time finding people to hang out with. I know a few people, but Everytime I ask to do something they are busy. I have bee netting out a lot on my own lately though, which helps, but I need some people around. Nice to just have positive interactions with others.
Me too! I have this bachelor friend I hang out with but he kinda depresses me. Not to say I need someone to talk to all the time about my sitch, but it would be nice to have a confident thats a dude. Hard to make friends unlike in my twenties but I am joining some meet ups and if its a mixed group I am ok with that too....I just need some fresh energy in my social circle.
Hang in there man. I believe all this work will pay off down the line. MWD the Divorce Buster herself once responded to my email with `Never give up. No matter how hopeless it seems there is always hope.` I extend that to you as well. Keep at it and on your side
Me 42 W:35 M: 14yrs T:15yrs D: 8yrs D:6yrs S:3yrs BD: "I want a D"09/03/14 Sep: 30/06/14
Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
Man this day is tough. I am sure it has a bit to do with no sexual activity for quite a while now. I find myself thinking about that and my W more and more lately. It's hard not to focus on that once it gets going. Even worse, every time I see her, that's where my mind goes automatically. Even though she said I didn't do anything to say she was attractive, she was always the best looking woman on earth to me. If only I could show that in ways. Oh well back to my day!!
I don't even want to discuss my stich with anyone anymore. The less it gets talked about the further I can move away. I even told my mother to quit asking about it, it is what it is. Feeling a bit better throughout the day. I do get my D's back for like 5 days in a row, that will be nice.
