Newbie from the UK. Love the site. Has given me hope reading some of the posts and advice.. or is it false expectations. Need some help if anyone is interested. I'll put in bullet point form and then explain further if people have questions. Sorry if it’s really long. - Dated partner 11 years; married nearly three before she told me she loved me but wasn't in love with me back in October - lived with her and our only daughter (10) until new years to have a final xmas together - we slept together twice in that time but second time we both said it didn't feel right. Still shared a bed that whole time. - we have split twice before. First time after two years was her decision. I was an idiot. Didn't take care of myself physically etc Then she took me back. Then a few years later I messed around texting other girls before it was me who dumped her. My mum had died a few weeks before hand and my head was messed up. We got back together within 18 months and life was perfect. We got married two years later. - I promised to get act my together. Got a great new job but it was night shift but lost over two stone and really taking care of myself. (She told me only last week that I was looking the best I’ve ever looked.) - But my work affected our relationship. She warned me we were passing ships but I was more concerned with securing our financial future. I was tired at weekends. I never made ‘us’ time. She started going out with her sister towards the end and that was when she told me. - After the split I cried, pleaded, got angry etc but for last two months I’ve read comments on this site ie don’t be clingy, don’t text, be courteous and helpful when needed with regard to daughter. - We now have a great relationship ie her comment about how I looked last week, could I lift my top up to see if I had a six pack, we talked today for 25 minutes about our daughter. She texts me a few days a week but mainly about daughter. - We’ve been for the odd Burger King meal etc with daughter to make things seem normal and promised to take her shopping soon for clothes for the summer. - I know were I went wrong. I didn’t make her feel like we were together. We didn’t go out enough as a couple. She did say she didn’t want to be a boring house wife. She also said at the time that maybe she was going through what I went through after my mum died. No one has died on her but her dad is sick and she is the same age I was when I split with her. I also know she texted a few guys after we split but while I was still at home but is adamant she never cheated. I believe her. Anyway, I’m sure I’ve left loads out but I want to know what you guys think. Is there hope? What should I do? Continue looking after myself and hope? She hasn’t mentioned divorce. Still uses my surname. Don’t know what to do. Thanks all!
M 35 W 31 D 10 Married 3 years Together 11 Single since Nov 13 Moved out Dec 13 ILYBNILWY, 'I don't want to be a boring housewife, 'I don't fancy you any more' OM confirmed Jun 14
I probably sound like an idiot from what I have said above. However, once we got back together after I had been an idiot by texting women etc I really did give 110% to our relationship ie I was faithful, became a good husband, dad, and in fact her mum, who absolutely hated me, is now devasted we have split up. All her family are. I mentioned the 25 minute phone call the other day. We mainly talked our daughter and again brought up that she'd told our little one that mummy and daddy would always be friends. Ofcourse, that hurt but I remember the 'don't believe what they say and less than 50% of what they do' mantra. Then yesterday I got a text from WAW. She's been contacting me quite a lot these past few weeks. 95% of the time it's do to with little one but I've been taking on board all the tips on this forum. No contact first etc. Anyway, it was to say that she had been asked for ID in the supermarket for buying alcohol. She's 31 but the till girl thought she was 22. She was delighted with this and left me a ;-) at the end of the message. I left it a bit before texting back 'Show off :-)'. Then she responded by saying I was 'jealous haha'. I didn't respond back. Then about an hour later she rang me after I text asking for her driver's number as we had just sold our car. I flirted a little on the phone but not over the top. Then said goodbye first. Sooooo, I get the feeling there is hope here. But I'm trying not to get too excited. Such a long way to go but really am trying to change things for the better for ME. I'm just hoping she sees these changes and brings up our marriage again but in a positive talk. Thanks for anyone who reads this.
M 35 W 31 D 10 Married 3 years Together 11 Single since Nov 13 Moved out Dec 13 ILYBNILWY, 'I don't want to be a boring housewife, 'I don't fancy you any more' OM confirmed Jun 14
Posted this on another thread but thought I'd update. I've been following Sandi2's 37 Rules. No contact first. Trying to say goodbye in a phone call. etc etc We're getting along brilliantly when we do chat usually to do with daughter. ANyway, I was getting joke texts from my daughter's phone earlier then realised it was the WAW doing it with daughter beside her. I'm collecting her for hore riding lessons but we'd been organising me doing the pick up and dropping off. ANyway, I rang wife to say was that her messaging on daughter's phone and she was laughing with daughter beside. I was laughing hard too. It was funny. It was like the old days. We've the same sense of humour. Anyway, I know if I was to mention this she'd retreat into her shell saying I need to get over things. We're over etc. I kinda feel that we're getting along great because I haven't brought up our separation/relationship in well over a month now. But I get the feeling she's saying to herself..."Great. He's finally accepted we're over. Now we can get along as friends without hassle and the way I want it". Anyway, I ended the call first as recommended but told her if she needed to talk (as her dad is sick) to just ring. I'm here if she needs to chat and get things off her chest. I hope this isn't going to far.
M 35 W 31 D 10 Married 3 years Together 11 Single since Nov 13 Moved out Dec 13 ILYBNILWY, 'I don't want to be a boring housewife, 'I don't fancy you any more' OM confirmed Jun 14
M 35 W 31 D 10 Married 3 years Together 11 Single since Nov 13 Moved out Dec 13 ILYBNILWY, 'I don't want to be a boring housewife, 'I don't fancy you any more' OM confirmed Jun 14
It seems like you are on the right path regardless of whether you get back together. You two have a larger responsibility to your daughter and you getting along is the best thing for her. From what you describe it sounds like you have a well grounded relationship and that is something that should never be taken for granted. Take it from a guy that took the love of his life for granted. Keep communicating with her and being present in her's and your daughter's life. You may very well get what you desire. All the best to you brother.
