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Joined: Jan 2014
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Write the negative feelings here and forget them. There are good days and bad days, but when you feel rough or good post it here and then do something positive. Don't take the things they do personally, you can do this!!


Me 31 Her 30
M 5.5 T 11
0 Kids
Bomb drop: 4/13, EA+PA: 12/13
Separated: 12/13, 3rd chance of counseling:7/14
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 18
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Thank you very much for support / comments. I'm keeping it mostly together.

Just having a very hard time with some of the accepting / concepts. In many ways she's swapped him for me. It is a really surreal experience to see her treating him like she did me over the past decades. She used to txt me all the time, she used to help me with lots of things, etc now she's doing the same for him. Almost like invasion of body snatchers only I was replaced by this other.

I'm just dumping it out here because for the life of me I can't understand how quickly she's replaced me with him and moved into patterns that represent our relationship; at least the good sides of it in the past. My thinking / logical side understands I hurt her quite bad and she must have checked out long ago so for her it is not so quick. But it is moving awfully fast regardless.

I also struggle knowing that there could be a chance to work on our issues if this other relationship wasn't there; but alas that's not reality. There were times when I was chasing she almost caved, in fact at one point she was willing to see if she could work it. But I must have pushed too hard and her new bond may be too strong.

Just have to dig deep and work it. Very hard though, knowing that she's earnestly a great person and I've stamped out a very strong love. She stayed through a lot and to have crushed that is horrible to me. Argggg.


Me: 40 W: 40
22 Years together, 14 Married
D8 + D7
Aug 2012 - Separated
Sep / Oct - Back Together
May 2014 - WAW / Divorce Bomb / Separation
Jun/Jul - Suspected Other man / Confirmed
Now - WAW moving out
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 18
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A bit of journaling,

Dropped kids off with my wife this afternoon, it was friendly / cordial. I did mention it was nice to see her and she reciprocated. Did feel a bit awkward to see her, but not too bad. She invited me into her temporary place where she's staying for uni, and I checked it out for a bit and made the first move to leave after 5 to 10 minutes. She said bye, having been together for so long I could tell it was an earnest goodbye with a tone we used to have when married, the kind a tone only a husband would recognise, it was nice. I said see ya, whilst walking down the stairs.

As I hit the driveway, I slipped a bit unintentionally, as I mentioned I didn't have a place to stay in the area the next night (not tonight as had plans at a friends house for a BBQ / party and staying there) as original plan was for kids to stay one night but she changed them for two. So I mentioned I didn't have a place to stay, should I just head back to where I live for the next night (hour 20 min drive away). She said yeah. As finances are a bit strained, I was worried about petrol but as I drove away I realised she might think I was fishing to stay there - doh, totally not my intention and dint even think of that angle. If we weren't having troubles it would have been quite normal question / conversation as we used to bounce things like that around so maybe I'm over thinking it. Who knows.

Attended the BBQ / Party tonight. Had a great time, and it is a small world as friend hosting was friends with a lovely lady we knew in the town from when we lived there. Got to talking to her and turns out she was a WAW one time who returned and she sort of took me under her wing and I opened up about the situation. Was nice to explain it all and let some out.

She said don't give up hope and what turned her around was her husbands persistence over 18 - 24 months and it proved he cared. She hated his guts when she left and never thought a reconciliation was ever possible, but it happened. She and her hubby both said just don't give up hope and keep up the positive changes, was a recognition of the consistent actions + time we see here.

Met another bloke there who had been sober 3 years and a bit and it was really nice to hang with and chat, his wife asked why I quit and I explained it was consuming me. Everyone was awesome with this and it is so nice to be around people who didn't judge and were supportive.

On improvement I've been reading Winning your wife back before it's too late, Hope for the separated and When sorry isn't enough. I know a time should come when I apologise really well and ask her to forgive but not forget - without any expectations, but timing is key.

I also had a sponsor interview me and 'passed' and am starting the steps full press this coming week.

I was planning on going skydiving which I've always wanted to but haven't. I may instead spend the money on a first edition book my wife likes, as I have some extra money coming any day for some project work I've completed. One of the things I was bad about was gift giving and I believe it is one of my wife's languages. Before things went south I ordered a first edition of another book that had been lost and it arrived the day she left, even with things going bad she was thrilled to get it. I know Sandi's rules state no gifts, so I need to think this over carefully, but if I ordered it now it would probably arrive in a month or so. Not sure on it though, Lady tonight said her hubby kept sending her flowers and even though she hated at it first, over time they came to represent his persistence and that she started to look forward to his care in that regard. Again have to think this over as obviously no two situations are the same, but I know my wife really likes it when serious thought goes into gifts / things. Over the last two years I really put thought into things and she has previously expressed a lot of joy in that. Books are a passion, so I could make a random habit of giving her important ones. Again so etching to really consider.

For further GAL I need to think of things, but for now the party was really nice.


Me: 40 W: 40
22 Years together, 14 Married
D8 + D7
Aug 2012 - Separated
Sep / Oct - Back Together
May 2014 - WAW / Divorce Bomb / Separation
Jun/Jul - Suspected Other man / Confirmed
Now - WAW moving out
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 18
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Having a very difficult time of it last night and today. Keep wanting to contact her and ask her / tell her that we can work through our issues. Sometimes it is so hard to understand and/or accept that just a little while ago all seemed well, but not everything has gone to hell.

I keep having these "I wish" moments. I wish she'd said something to me before leaving, but then she probably did and I didn't notice.

Just having troubles with the enormity and scope of it all.


Me: 40 W: 40
22 Years together, 14 Married
D8 + D7
Aug 2012 - Separated
Sep / Oct - Back Together
May 2014 - WAW / Divorce Bomb / Separation
Jun/Jul - Suspected Other man / Confirmed
Now - WAW moving out
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 18
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TRDiver Offline OP
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Really struggling again. I've spent over half my life very close to her, so unlearning this and detaching seems such a monumental task. I can feel her getting closer to the OM, it is almost surreal and so I check the phone bill today and lo and behold she's openly txting and calling again.

I'm struggling with how easily (it seems) she's moved on or is moving on and how fast it is all progressing. I'm hurting pretty bad, and trying to stay positive.


Me: 40 W: 40
22 Years together, 14 Married
D8 + D7
Aug 2012 - Separated
Sep / Oct - Back Together
May 2014 - WAW / Divorce Bomb / Separation
Jun/Jul - Suspected Other man / Confirmed
Now - WAW moving out
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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Have you actually read the DB or DR books?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Jul 2014
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Thank you for your reply MrBond,

I've read most of DR, although circumstances have changed so I need to re-read it with the view of separation and another person in the picture from my last read.


Me: 40 W: 40
22 Years together, 14 Married
D8 + D7
Aug 2012 - Separated
Sep / Oct - Back Together
May 2014 - WAW / Divorce Bomb / Separation
Jun/Jul - Suspected Other man / Confirmed
Now - WAW moving out
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 18
T
TRDiver Offline OP
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Posts: 18
Bit of journaling. Just dropped kids off with her, kept things light and smiled the whole time.

Yesterday she got quite angry with me regarding the logistics for kid drop off. The details don't matter save that she sent a txt apologising for having a bad conversation. I responded that I hadn't noticed things were bad so need need to apologise but thanks anyway and have a good one.

Things are just so strange but for now I'm doing as if and working at detaching and letting go. Acceptance is difficult, but a must.

I must work on
- giving her space
- letting go / detaching
- being a solid friend / love without expectations
- GAL


Me: 40 W: 40
22 Years together, 14 Married
D8 + D7
Aug 2012 - Separated
Sep / Oct - Back Together
May 2014 - WAW / Divorce Bomb / Separation
Jun/Jul - Suspected Other man / Confirmed
Now - WAW moving out
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