Have I any hope.... (Part 3)

[bashy]

I have read Thorntons thread Maybell. That definitely gave me hope but as you well know, most of us on here think out sitch is different and our wife/husband won't take us back. Keeping the faith just about but also detaching as previously said

[Old Dog]

Onwards and upwards bashy.

Now you can really detach.

Be sure to tell me how to do it.

[bashy]

Heh old dog. Not sure if what I'm doing is right but it's helping me. WAW knows how I feel but there was a finality about how I said I was done trying to fight for our marriage. Inwardly I'd take her back 100% (with changes on both sides Ofcourse) but I have resigned myself to the fact my marriage is over. I was doing things to hopefully change her mind but now I'm doing things I want to do without worrying about how she will react. It can't get any worse so I might as well make me happy today..... if that makes sense.

[Old Dog]

bashy. I think you're on the right track now. Proper detachment.

And I think I too am approaching the letting go stage ... maybe.

[bashy]

A bit of stupidity on my part last night. I searched online and am 99.9% sure I found WAWs OM. She told me were he's from and that he fixes guitars and lo and behold I found him. He wasn't what I expected but I can see the attraction. He plays a guitar. She told me before she finds that sexy in a man plus he runs his own firm fixing and making them. Looks wise he is no better than me.

What does this all mean? Well nothing really. I'm still detached. To me this looks like excitement on her part - a man who plays guitar must be exciting and sexy. But he isn't the father of our child. He has a lot to live up to. We shall see over the coming months how this pans out. In the meantime I am focussing on getting my own place. Actually excited by it. And I have a social life better than ever. I will make sure I continue on this path. Onwards and upwards.

[mindsin]

A bit of stupidity on my part last night. I searched online and am 99.9% sure I found WAWs OM. She told me were he's from and that he fixes guitars and lo and behold I found him. He wasn't what I expected but I can see the attraction. He plays a guitar. She told me before she finds that sexy in a man plus he runs his own firm fixing and making them. Looks wise he is no better than me.

What does this all mean? Well nothing really. I'm still detached. To me this looks like excitement on her part - a man who plays guitar must be exciting and sexy. But he isn't the father of our child. He has a lot to live up to. We shall see over the coming months how this pans out. In the meantime I am focussing on getting my own place. Actually excited by it. And I have a social life better than ever. I will make sure I continue on this path. Onwards and upwards.

What does this all mean? It means you'd better start taking some guitar lessons! J/K

In all seriousness...I find that the less I know about the OM, the better (mentally). The more you know, the more you find yourself going nuts trying to compare yourself to him, etc.

The only benefit in it could be the fact that you may be able to identify what needs of hers the OM is fulfilling that you are not. Besides that, I don't see how knowing more about the OM could help you in the situation.

I'm not a vet, but I do know that one of the key points in DB-ing is to not focus on the OM.

[bashy]

WAW rang today. Wanted to know what we're doing about Xmas. I said:"What do you mean?". She asked would I like to stay over for D but if not she would ask her parents to come for dinner instead. Also, wanted to know what we are doing about getting presents for D (together or paying separately).
I told her I'd think about it but I am a little angry. I feel she wants to play happy families with D when it comes to a special occasion but when it comes to our D's future ie being together as a family its a no no.
I really want to stay over for D's sake and make my usual Xmas dinner with all the trimmings but I can't be around WAW when she is with OM.... plus will he ring her when I'm there to say Merry Xmas.... and what does he think of me staying over?
Im not sure what to do so any advice would be appreciated.

[SunnyB]

Bashy, I don't really have any good advice but wanted to say I'm struggling with this myself. H is going to move out in a few weeks, and we've agreed on a four month separation before making any other decisions. During that four months there will be two kids birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and H and my birthdays. So far we've agreed on family dinners for two kid birthdays and Thanksgiving, but none of it will involve a sleepover. I have not agreed on anything t all for Christmas yet, I want to see how I feel after he moves out and how the other events go. Good luck!

[bashy]

Hi rppfl. Thanks for the comment. I've stayed over a few times but each time it makes me realise how much I love and miss her. That is why the other week I told her I can't do it anymore.... it's too difficult to deal with. I really don't know what to do

[labug]

Bashy, do what's best for you and D. What would you be willing to do? Think about that and then present it to W.