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Hi bashy,
Good for you that you decided not to go on the trip or help move. My H is moving some stuff out of the house to his new place tomorrow and had the b@alls to say he thought I'd help him move the boxes.

Um, well I already packed all your junk and put it in one place since you didn't pack anything when you BD and "moved out"! I didn't want his stuff everywhere reminding me so I packed it up.

I think knowing how much you can handle is great and if you can't handle the trip then it is good you are not going along.

However I loved 25's story about the trip to Palm Springs. I'm going to keep those tips in mind, "I can get angry later". Too bad I didn't read that yesterday.

Hugs,
Lisa B


Me: 34 H: 30
M: 4 years
BD: 6/15/14
He moved out 6/30/14
OW1: EA then PA after BD
Now he's dating multiple OWs
I'm over it and moving on.
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bashy Offline OP
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Heh Lisa,

Well 25 has changed my mind lol.

This trip is for D. A chance for all three of us to have some fun and create a great memory for her.

I will put aside any issues I have and fake it till have to afterwards. WAW will see a confident, smartly dressed H who is getting on with life. No silly comments about OM. He may be in the background but I aim to make it hard for him to get a hold of my WAW.

Wish me luck....


M 35 W 31
D 10
Married 3 years
Together 11
Single since Nov 13
Moved out Dec 13
ILYBNILWY, 'I don't want to be a boring housewife, 'I don't fancy you any more'
OM confirmed Jun 14
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Good luck bashy. I recently went on a cruise with H and all 3 kids. We had a good time. It can be done.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
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Bashy,

GOOD LUCK! And if you can, watch the 2 TED TALK videos before you go. One is by Amy Cuddy called "Fake it til you Become it" and the other is "Positive Psychology" by Shawn Achor. Both are about 20 minutes and they each entertain with their points. But they have great DATA that shows how the way we think and what we DO, physically even, plays a role in how we feel and act and perform. It's amazingly helpful.

Since I "faked it" and then BECAME it while in Palm Springs, I'm a believer. It didn't change things immediately but it sure was a pivotal moment for ME and a definite positive (surprise) for h.

But like we all say, it was for the kids. THEY had fun and there were NO fights.

Vow that not one negative word will come from your lips and keep to it. How long a trip is this, one or two days? YOU CAN DO THIS.

And OM is not "in the background".

("What OM?" cool)

Believe in your gut that you are the better catch, that she is losing the man who would love her like no one else will, ever, and that belief will show.

(If need be, CHANGE so you do believe this^^^ b/c maybe there are things you need to change in order to actually become the man who'd love her best)


but the point is, and the TED Talks support this, what we believe, SHOWS.

And it does. When I came to believe that h was going to lose more than me with a D, I felt sorry for him most of the time. I'd shake my head (inwardly) and wonder how he was ever going to deal with all the fall out of HIS choices....

and I came to believe I really truly was going to be alright, better than alright, with or without h. Once that belief took hold, it showed. And in time, that is probably what got h to start doubting his choices. After all, if I were the big loser in this, why was I so confident going forward?

(B/C the LBS has no choice but to make the best of the cards dealt, whereas the WAS often has to second guess THEIR choices;

like every time OP does something stupid or careless or mean that the LBS would not have done, the WAS will feel doubt.

When a song that's special to the first M plays, the WAS will think of the LBS. Every time the child(ten) don't get along well with the OP,
the WAS will have doubt and usually it won't paint the new OP in a good light.

Every time the WAS and OP fight, the WAS will wonder if they;d have had the same conflict with their ex....

Even when things are good, the WAS will sometimes wonder if maybe they had stayed m to their LBS, if they could have improved things with effort and time...for they will discover that ALL R's take work, and if they'd worked in their FIRST M, what might have been?

the WAS will always have to look over their shoulder and wonder what might have been, and over time as they see the changes the LBS made AND KEPT UP,

they'll have to tell themselves that "would not have happened if I had stayed" but they will inwardly wonder, "Dang, maybe it would have happened for US and maybe WE could have worked it out b/c LBS sure is doing fine NOW..."

unlike the LBS -- who is forced to make the best of things, and usually do just that, and ends up in a pretty darn good place, the WAS does not.

In situations wherein the LBS really does make the changes THEY wanted to make and becomes a spouse only a fool would leave, THEN the WAS will always be haunted...

I would not trade places with a WAS for anything. Good luck.


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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bashy Offline OP
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Truly inspirational 25. thank you!!!.... and I have watched the first Ted Talks. Second to follow.

Last edited by bashy; 08/02/14 08:54 PM.

M 35 W 31
D 10
Married 3 years
Together 11
Single since Nov 13
Moved out Dec 13
ILYBNILWY, 'I don't want to be a boring housewife, 'I don't fancy you any more'
OM confirmed Jun 14
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
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Originally Posted By: bashy
Truly inspirational 25. thank you!!!


Totally agree. 25 you give me such hope. Thanks.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
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Awesome post as always 25, might have to print that out, and those videos are fantastic, I do a 'power pose at least once a day now...

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Awesome post as always 25, might have to print that out, and those videos are fantastic, I do a 'power pose at least once a day now...

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Good luck, keep us posted!


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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bashy Offline OP
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Was meant to stay at WAWs tonight to help clean our old house then leave her rental van back tomorrow as it's closer to were I live. TBH I've been dreading staying. Don't want to be around WAW too much. Want to get back to detaching and tbh she's on a high at the moment with her new apartment, OM etc.

Anyway. Got a get out clause this morning. Her brother was coming up with her to collect me and D so he could look at a new car. So I said to WAW why doesn't he drive van up and leave at my place (it's Sunday so van place is closed). She got the house fully cleared yesterday.

She said that was a gd idea and we'd do that if I was still happy to leave van back for her. Tbh I was hoping she'd say 'sure y don't u stay?' but am also glad she didn't because I can see she's moving on and I have no role in her life anymore.

Ah well. Detach, detach, detach....


M 35 W 31
D 10
Married 3 years
Together 11
Single since Nov 13
Moved out Dec 13
ILYBNILWY, 'I don't want to be a boring housewife, 'I don't fancy you any more'
OM confirmed Jun 14
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