Hi All, It's been a while since I posted - I used to be on newcomers - but my XH has always been securely rooted in a grand mlc.
I've been reading along here all the while, but just living my life with nothing much to tell.
I don't have contact with XH any more - he is extremely angry and irrational still, and I have been getting on with my life without his trauma.
I've been doing pretty well, keeping busy, laughing again, not thinking about XH much at all - all significant changes for me.
And then today, I have had the wind knocked out of my new life's sails.
I had a car accident - in a car-park of all places.
It was stupid and shocking - no-one was hurt but I did a reasonable amount of damage to the car. I am embarrassed and, more to the point, my confidence is shot.
As S15 said - "I never thought you'd be the sort of person to do something like that mum".
Neither did I. I've been driving for 40 years without so much as a scratch. I feel like I've maybe just lost it somehow. Cracked under the stress of everything over these past 3 years. It was such a stupid thing to do - and so embarrassing. It wasn't even my car - my parents lent me theirs when XH took our family car.
IDK... maybe it's the sort of thing that could have happened to anyone. But, point is, I doubt it.
On the other hand, maybe everyone feels like this after they have a crash? The other thing that worries me is that although I feel horrified and embarrassed by what happened, I also feel as if I don't care. I doubt that this even will make sense to anyone else.
NLW, Accidents happen when we least expect them. Generally, when we are at fault for such things, we do feel embarrassed by it because most of the time, they were preventable...but again it was an accident and it wasn't something you deliberately did on purpose. You are only human and it does happen to many of us during our lifetime and that's why you have car insurance to take care of such things.
As for the comment your S15 made, I wouldn't put much stock into it because he's not driving yet and one day he'll behind the wheel and better understand how accidents can occur to anyone, even the best of drivers have them.
I'm thankful for you that no one was injured and you are okay.
It's just another straw that adds to the pack on the camel's back after what you've been going through w/your xh. The stress does catch up w/us when we least expect it...but don't be too hard on yourself...it was an accident and nothing more.
No, you aren't losing it, you are just shocked about it and once the shock wears off, you'll be okay. Again, this happens to the best of us no matter what our driving skills are.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
And Yes, I think that is a typical and common feeling to have after you have an accident. Years ago when I rolled my SUV, I felt foolish and stupid and it was a major blow to my self-esteem. I didn't even want to drive after that. It takes time. Everyone makes mistakes. That's why there are erasers on pencils. : )
You have been through a lot. Go a bit easy on yourself.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Yay NLW - glad you popped back over here and are posting on MLC thread now. Its funny how lazy I get and dont check the other threads much any more.
Accidents happen so fast and they are what they are accidents.
Your S15 comments are childish... ignore
He has no idea what he is talking about.
I am glad up to this accident you have been doing well. It took us both a while to get back on our feet. You should be proud of yourself!! You have come so so far
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
I'm slowly losing the feeling of shock from my accident - although i have a funny sense of things not being real that is still hanging on. I feel like an observer, not participant, in things I am engaged in. Presume that's part of the process....
One good thing about not having a car is that on weekends I'm not up at the crack rushing kids to their job, to sport, to friends' places, etc. It's amazing how much time I have to do things around the house/garden and I've even been able to catch up on some of work for my job. Silver lining to most bad situations.
My fence blew down in a recent storm and the sewer is blocked - still trying to see some bright side to those!
Hope everyone is doing OK. I passed the 3-year anniversary of BD last week and didn't notice the date till 2 days after. I'm getting there.
Heather, When I did remember - two days past the date, it hit me like a ton of bricks: The date now meant pretty much nothing to me.
Yes, i am still sad and consumed by my new circumstances (trying to get by on nothing and starting a new life in every respect), but the creepy weirdness of what XH did, and how and when ( immediately after a 3-week family cruise and a day before our wedding anniversary [and i can no longer remember how many years that was]), is all pretty much history to me.
It does get better, no matter how low you feel. The terrible feeling of desolation passes. Life goes on... it's trite but true.
I never thought I'd say this, never thought I'd get 'over' XH.
We are not these people; we can survive and thrive without them.
In many cases they were pulling us down - or would have done had they stayed as part of our families in their damaged state.
I completely agree NLW. They pull us down. They suck us dry and go on to the next victim. Much like a vampire.
I know I am much better off now. I still get angry when I think of things but I have decided to just leave J to his new life. It's hard though not to get pulled into the anger and unfairness of things. But we have a new chance at a better life now.
And it is desolation and one feels "demolished" after this. I miss my kids when they are with J, but I try to remember this would be worse for them if J wasn't around and abandoned them.
We will get by.
(((NLW)))
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
IDK... maybe it's the sort of thing that could have happened to anyone. But, point is, I doubt it.
On the other hand, maybe everyone feels like this after they have a crash? The other thing that worries me is that although I feel horrified and embarrassed by what happened, I also feel as if I don't care. I doubt that this even will make sense to anyone else.
Yeah, it does happen.
For me, it happened just after the xw moved out the second time. It was the first snowfall of that year and I was just not paying close enough attention. The car two-cars in front suddenly decided to make a left turn. It was a two lane road and he was around a blind curve. The car in front of me slammed on the breaks and when they did I parked my car under theirs.
It was deemed a no-fault accident and the cop that gave me a ride home was smoking hot. And she had a gun and handcuffs
Nobody was hurt.
I was incredibly thankful, but I felt pretty much nothing either. I had a perfect record for 30+ years at that point.
I totally get it and how it feels.
The only real difference with this happening now and had it happened three + years ago is that you're stronger and better able to deal with it. And your perspective has changed a bit.
It's just things that happen along the way, right? Now that it happened, you deal with it as best you can and that's going to be good enough. You'll get back on the trail and continue on.
But don't discount the stress. Having a way to deal with the stress is important. An ex that is angry and hurtful can contribute to a lot of stress whether you admit it or not. I know how that feels too.
But it is just a point in time and one that you may laugh about later
Glad you're ok.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
