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I forgot to add that before he left he mentioned a couple of things that had been bothering him regarding the kids. He said it in a very antagonistic manner and now I can see he wanted to get my back up, which he did although I remained calm and did not raise my voice it did give him the opportunity to stand up and leave as if I'd upset him yet again. I felt it was totally unfair of him. I had been cool and collected throughout our discussion when I was seething inside.

Why does he seem to hate me so much?


Me - 44 Husband - 47
D20, S18
BD - Aug 2013
Moved out - Jan 2014
OW discovered Jan 2014
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I forgot to add that before he left he mentioned a couple of things that had been bothering him regarding the kids. He said it in a very antagonistic manner and now I can see he wanted to get my back up, which he did although I remained calm and did not raise my voice it did give him the opportunity to stand up and leave as if I'd upset him yet again. I felt it was totally unfair of him. I had been cool and collected throughout our discussion when I was seething inside.

Why does he seem to hate me so much?


Me - 44 Husband - 47
D20, S18
BD - Aug 2013
Moved out - Jan 2014
OW discovered Jan 2014
Joined: Jan 2014
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Remember the WAS is just trying to fuel their own fire of harsh feelings toward you. As long as you don't add anything to that they will eventually run out of fuel and see the truth, just don't give in to arguments and remain a positive, strong, confident figure in your life and your interactions with H.


Me 31 Her 30
M 5.5 T 11
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Bomb drop: 4/13, EA+PA: 12/13
Separated: 12/13, 3rd chance of counseling:7/14
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stacey9 Offline OP
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Thank you asat.

I just don't know where to go from here. I am once again at rock bottom. It doesn't seem to matter what I say or do, he continues to despise me. He knows me. He knows me better than anyone, and knows I am a good person and I do not deserve this.

I have had a sleepless night with everything he said running through my mind. Before he left he said he was happy to continue paying the mortgage, and to transfer all the bills over to me. Now that has changed and I feel he wants me to help finance his new, shiny, loved up life.

I have kept my dignity throughout this mess, and the only thing I have asked him for is his house key, which he refused to hand back.

I feel as everything is closing in on me with no way out. He will be confiding to the OW and telling her I am an evil, greedy woman and how he is so glad to be away from me. I'm wondering now if he has had this all planned for years, waiting until the kids are older. Then can justify his reasons for leaving as my insecurities and suspicious nature and say he has never been happy for years.

I think I am feeling sorry for myself today, and I apologise for that. But I just don't know what to do.

Sad, lonely and beat.

Stacey x


Me - 44 Husband - 47
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Stacey we know how hard and painful this journey is. It is very important that you pick yourself up. It is important that you get to a better place. Don't ask him anything not even the keys to the house. Have you read DB and are you following Sandi's 37 rules? What are you doing in the form of GAL? Have you talked to a L?


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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Hi Rick. Thanks for posting. I am reading db at the moment and I read through the 37 rules yesterday before he came round, I thought I was doing so well going out with friends and socialising but really I think I am just going through the motions. My head is somewhere else.

I have an appointment with L on Wednesday. H said he expects I will come off worse off but I don't know if he's trying to frighten me.

I'm sure there will be better days ahead.
Thanks x


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WAS tend to create fantasies regarding legal issues and how it will all end. My ex did the same and none of what she thought would happen, happened. Don't worry about the legal matters it will be what it will be. Time to socialize again and live your life. The head spinning is normal and it does go away. It took me a while but it happened. Be good to yourself.


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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Thank you Rick. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. I truly am finding lots of inspiration reading through the posts here, and also with all the kind words I have received.

When H was round yesterday, I so wanted him to notice how nice I looked and comment on it or even see the smallest of signs that he still has feelings for me. But of course I am just clutching at straws. He has totally moved on.

Its just so frightening thinking of the future. H did everything - he dealt with all the finances, repaired stuff, DIY etc etc. I will just need to man up and learn to deal with things myself!

Thanks again x


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The fear of the future is normal. Not helpful but normal. I had the same fears but you learn to care for yourself. You will learn that you can do stuff on your own without H's help and feel good about it. I heard once that women really want a tool box for a Christmas present, is that true?


M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden





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Rick & Stacey, a toolbox was one of my favorite wedding gifts. smile

Last edited by Maybell; 07/31/14 09:22 PM.

Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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