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#2474255 07/30/14 09:45 PM
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Part 12

Lucky number 13!

Things have improved a ton between my W and I. I'd say we are almost friends, although we're not talking on a daily basis we do talk each week about our kids.

My W seems to be very good "friends" with another man. Not sure what to make of it.

I will be having dinner with my W and our kids tomorrow night. I'm going to have to talk to her about the financial issues we're facing and tell her she will need to contribute a bit to our house. I've been paying for everything related to the house on my own since she left, I just can't manage it alone any longer. I hope it doesn't set us back in the progress we've made, it has to be done though.

I have the kids every other week and it's been that way since early May. It's gone very, very well and made a big difference to my kids. They still desperately want my W and I back together of course. I've just been telling them I will always love their Mom, that will never change and that maybe someday it could happen that we'd all be together again.

I'm still dealing with the loss of my Mom, as I'm sure I will be for a very long time. She was a huge help to me through some of my darkest days after my W left despite having batting cancer. She very much wanted to see my W and I back together.

I have been incredibly busy the last few months between being the best Dad I can possible be, trying to sell our acreage, managing our business and my work, being the executor for my Mom's estate as well as getting my band going again to name just a bit of what's going on.

It's been 10 months since my W left. Things have gotten so much better than where they were only a couple of months ago. I don't know if my W and I will ever be more than friends again, I'm not giving up hope just yet.

My W and I had a good talk last week when I noticed she sounded very down. Perhaps she's starting to see that the grass isn't so green on the other side? (yep, mind reading)


Me-40,W-37
D7, D5, S3
Separated Oct 3/2013
T 11 YRS
M 7 YRS
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Since my W is with another guy, in one way or another, how have all of you dealt with similar situations? Just wait it out? Be there for your other half when the infatuation phase wears off?

It seems that even with the progress my W and I have made I am still the bad guy so anyone else has to be better in her eyes.


Me-40,W-37
D7, D5, S3
Separated Oct 3/2013
T 11 YRS
M 7 YRS
Joined: Feb 2014
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Scorp7 Offline OP
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Any thoughts on my last post would be awesome! I'm meeting my W tonight so here's hoping our discussion on our financial issues goes well and I don't push her further into the arms of this other guy.


Me-40,W-37
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T 11 YRS
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I would recommend you stop thinking that you are pushing her "into the arms of another guy."

That's on her, not you.


Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
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Hey Drew, do you mean basically that I can't control what she thinks or does?

I feel I'm a very different guy than the one she knew and although it seems that she has recognized that to some extent it's not nearly enough to consider working on a new relationship. Even if being with me would mean she sees our kids every day she would rather lose half their time than consider a new relationship, that says a lot.


Me-40,W-37
D7, D5, S3
Separated Oct 3/2013
T 11 YRS
M 7 YRS
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Originally Posted By: Scorp7
Hey Drew, do you mean basically that I can't control what she thinks or does?

DB101.

Actually Life 101.

Originally Posted By: Scorp7
I feel I'm a very different guy than the one she knew and although it seems that she has recognized that to some extent it's not nearly enough to consider working on a new relationship. Even if being with me would mean she sees our kids every day she would rather lose half their time than consider a new relationship, that says a lot.

That's the way you feel.

You don't know how she feels.

And however she feels, that's the way she feels RIGHT NOW.

Patience.


Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
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Thanks Drew! I haven't read the DB books lately, I likely should again, very soon! That and schedule another telephone coaching session, a lot has changed since my last one!


Me-40,W-37
D7, D5, S3
Separated Oct 3/2013
T 11 YRS
M 7 YRS
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 649
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It's kind of ironic that one of W's and my favorite songs is Patience by GnR. I used to sing it to her all the time. I guess I might want to think of that song a bit more often, hehe.


Me-40,W-37
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T 11 YRS
M 7 YRS
Joined: Oct 2004
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Scorp,

Look past OM...no acknowledgment, no registering him...nuthin! Keep going with what you've been doing with W and the kids. Perhaps you might want to do a slight temp check with W and see how she thinks about your family's outings lately.

Go slow. You just can't stay silent allll the time. I tell people here that it is okay to open up a bit with temp checking and then reassess. Just keeping your mouth zipped forever isn't DBing at all.

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Thanks Wonka, that helps for sure! I'd been thinking the same thing, if I never approach my W about things (doing things as a family, maybe trying to work on things etc) then how will I know where she's at?

She is planning on taking our kids on a short holiday this weekend. I'd love to go but I don't think asking to do so would be a good idea. Maybe just doing something else together with the kids would be enough for now?


Me-40,W-37
D7, D5, S3
Separated Oct 3/2013
T 11 YRS
M 7 YRS
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