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T2,

It's wonderful that your stbx in laws are so supportive. That is a great thing! It must be difficult to watch their daughter, however, it sounds like they realize there isn't much they can do.

Optimism and excitement about the future are good things. Sounds like things are going well:)

Last edited by Georgiabelle; 07/30/14 06:29 PM.


3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Hi T2,
I also have a lot of support from my MIL. She can't understand why W is acting the way she is. She is still trying to be supportive of her D which is only natural but thinks that she is making a huge mistake. My D14 stayed with her most of last week (my W's week with her) and D told me MIL cries after talking to W on the phone almost every night. It would be interesting to know what my W is saying that makes MIL cry but that's not my sandbox. I also have gotten much support from her mom's side of the family. I'm hoping that this will last as who knows what W may say if she starts to feel like she isn't getting the support she wants from them.

I have chosen to remain close with MIL and that side of W's family and they want me to as well. I can only hope that my W starts to listen to them if she starts to come out of her MLC someday. Right now she just dismisses anyone who doesn't just agree that she is doing what is "right" for her.

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T2,
I'm glad you had a chat w/your stbMIL and she's understanding and is very much aware that her daughter is still trying to sort things out. She's right...she needs therapy, but only she can decide to get the much needed help she requires.

On another note, you sound great and your life is unfolding in many ways that will be wonderful, fun and exciting. Embrace all that comes your way, i.e., be it happy or sad. Life is an adventure and one that we must not stop and become stuck in. Experience it all and above all else, live your life to the fullest.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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This is very good to hear, T, and not all that surprising. You have not only given W and your M way more love and time than most would have, but have done it with complete Class, Honor, and Dignity. Thank you so much for continuing to show us all how it's done!

Originally Posted By: Matt165
I have chosen to remain close with MIL and that side of W's family and they want me to as well. I can only hope that my W starts to listen to them if she starts to come out of her MLC someday. Right now she just dismisses anyone who doesn't just agree that she is doing what is "right" for her.


Be careful with this, Matt. Nothing wrong with remaining close, especially if you were prior to W's crisis. But I have seen first hand (with both of my sisters) how STBXH befriending the in laws is seen as a tactic, and highly resented by the walk away. You really don't want them putting pressure on W to "do the right thing". She has to get there on her own for it to work.

Last edited by ForeverYoung; 07/31/14 01:44 AM.

M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
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Hi FY,
I understand this and have been very careful to limit what I say about my W and my's sitch. I only say that she has things she needs to work on and that I have tried my best to give her space and time. I hope that once she starts to come out of her MLC, even if I'm no longer in the picture, she will listen to them. They are good people who do care about her but just don't understand what she is going through. It's like my parents wanting to send my W a letter not long after B-day. I told them all that would do is cause her to resent me and them. Had that feeling even before I knew it was MLC.

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Greetings!

Haven't posted in a long time, I'm just so busy with the beginning of school, and the overwhelming task of de-cluttering. Stbxw was a borderline hoarder I swear...I'm on my 4th long bed load of stuff to donate, 3rd for stuff to go to the dump. But it is lightening everything in life.

Life is good. The boys are responding very well to structure, schedules, consistency...with plenty of wiggle room and freedom on non-school days/nights. Hot breakfast every school morning, family dinners on the evenings they dont spend with their Mom, with Fridays and Saturdays flexible and fun food. And they FINALLY like school!! Well, as much as teens do... smile

Getting the clutter cleared out and redoing rooms my way is so liberating. I am re-learning who I was and am and who I am becoming. The boys have commented on how the house is so peaceful, calm...like a sactuary. Which I think it should be, home should be a sanctuary. S1 says the "new" master suite is so Zen smile

Going through all that stuff though does stir up things within me sometimes, some anger, some sadness, but those are becoming shorter and less intense. But it is a good reminder of how much I carried through the M, I am really coming to terms with that reality, but not trashing the M, just a more balanced view... Realizing how "hard" she made life for herself, and sometimes the family. I feel really badly for her, sad.

But I don't have to carry that anymore, and... I don't miss her anymore, which made me sad at first. I miss who she was, before her dad was diagnosed with cancer 8 years ago, but I don't miss who she has become since then. But it is reality. My life, and the day to day lives of the boys is better without her in the house. I feel badly for her, per her own words she is still so lost, I can't imagine being her and putting her kids, her family, her Mom, her H who loved her so much, through this.

I have adjusted to being a full-time solo Dad, and I am starting to really thrive. My R's with my sons has become awesome.

My band continues to improve and being fulfilling. I am building a new life, full of positive, intelligent, driven people who have their sh!t together. And my life is reflecting this. It's really becoming something awesome, imo. And, I have an evolving, amazing, long distance GF...we are evolving together, but with space to develop ourselves independently. We both have healing, growing, to do as separate people after our ordeal and M, we have kids to help heal and who need our full presence. The distance helps that for now...But it IS wonderful to have someone who cares, "shows up", that you matter to... it's been a while since either of us have had that in our lives... smile

Three years ago I couldn't imagine feeling this good, calm, peaceful... happy, just deep down contented happiness.

It really is a gift, this MLC thingy, IF you do the work, both the standing work, but more importantly, the work on yourself, imo.

Life is good. Not fair, but good. smile


In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus

Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm

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My friend, it's been a journey, hasnt it? Man, I know it was really tough at times.

But look at you...

An honor to have been able to watch you walk this and become your friend.

There are no limits to what your life can be...how freakin cool is that?

So glad you have found so many things...but mostly, that you found peace.

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Dang, T2, you are awesome!
Reading your posts always gives me hope that I will come through this and be better for it! It was my W's dad getting cancer that was the final thing to push my W into her crisis as well. He is still around but not doing well and is the only person in W's life who tells her that she is doing the "right" thing. Such a sad thing to see how they are both so damaged, so scared.

Keep giving us updates and letting us know how things are going. You have earned the happiness you have now, enjoy it to it's fullest!

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One book that really helped me get over the "hump" of grieving was "Second Firsts"...highly recommended Matt. smile


In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus

Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm

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You give so much hope, TS2!!!

I am happy for you and that you are able to provide such tranquility for your boys... and to yourself!

I'm hoping it is a glimpse into the future!

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