Locked out of my old thread darn it all...Was hoping to make one more post to Beatrice.
And Bea, if you are reading, I don't know if a place would question J coming in with OW and D or not. As I have stated before, D is a bit dramatic and I do not think for a moment she will be calm and sit quietly. J said "she's tough", but also he knows she has a flair for the dramatic (as demonstrated last night when I was attempting to wash dirt off her face). She is very likely to create a scene and if there is one thing J does NOT like, it's a scene. So I scheduled an appointment at a salon for kids, which specializes in children. They have videos on their website of girls who just got their ears pierced saying how it didn't hurt. I feel better about taking her to a place like this. I will ask S's on-again/off-again girlfriend if she wants to come along. That may help immensely.
D and S's soccer seasons are picking up for the month of August and both of them will need new practice shirts. I called J and told him I would buy D two shirts if he would buy S two shirts. He said it was a deal. He then went on to say he wasn't very happy with the new administration of the soccer group. I said I too had reservations since we were "under new management" and was hoping things would go well and was keeping my fingers crossed. They have a new policy that each family has to write a check for $200 and give it to the board and if the 10 volunteer hours are not met, the board will cash the check. That sent J into a fury. I said I planned to work my 5 hours at the concession stand (as much as I hate it) for the upcoming tournament and that he will just have to put in his 5 as well. He made an excuse that he has the kids the weekend of the tournament so he isn't sure how it will work out. I told him that S will be refereeing and D will be playing and if he needed help during those volunteer hours I would be glad to help. He kind of shrugged it off. At first I thought he was trying to keep the kids from me, but now I realize he just doesn't want to volunteer and if I help him out then his excuse goes down the drain.
He went on to tell me "someone on this new board needs to get their @$$ kicked". I said, why? Because we have to buy new practice shirts?? I mean come on now. He said he suspects this year isn't going to go well with the new commander in chief (who also happens to be S's soccer coach). He also added that the coach "knows who J is and knows J has no problem letting him know his opinion". This is why the coach told me in private he thinks J is a jack-wagon.
This soccer season is going to be interesting to say the least.
In other news, D has the opportunity to tryout to dance in "The Nutcracker". I don't know if she is more excited, or if I am? I already talked to J about it and he has no problem with it, thank goodness. D's ballet teacher said D is ready to move on to the more advanced class of Ballet 1, so after her class on Monday we will sit in on the Ballet 1 class and see what it is all about. D also wants to take Irish Dance, which exhausts me just watching it. I signed D up for an Irish Dance workshop so she could get a real taste of it before we sign her up for the real thing. I think it may be a bit fast-paced for D, but we will see.
Lots and lots going on. So much excitement. I am so busy with the kids, I barely have time for myself. That needs to be a larger priority, but I guess I feel I lived my youth and now I want to make sure they enjoy theirs. I am still looking for a ballet class to take. It's never too late to learn, is it?
I have to start packing for our week-long vacation to North Carolina. It's been two years since we went there and the kids are really excited. It will be nice to get away and get a change of scenery.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Had a good day today. I took D to get her ears pierced. I was hesistant because she has a flair for the dramatics. Instead of taking her to the mall I found a place which specializes in kids ear piercing and hair styling. They were very thorough and less expensive than the mall where I could see some teenage girl messing up on D's ears and I would have drama. D never even flinched. Things have changed dramatically since the days when I got mine pierced back in the 80s.
I told J about it and D wanted him to be there so he showed up with OW in tow. S seemed surprised she was there and I said they go everywhere together. Its the schmoopy and schmoopy show. OW stayed in the car at first until J talked to D and she gave him the all clear. Apparently she told J not to bring OW because mom said no. But I told her it was ok if OW is here as long as mom is there too. OW was pretty quiet. Not quiet enough, but she knew this was a mom/daughter thing. She took a back seat begrudglingly. I paid for the earrings and the procedure. J didn't even make a motion toward his wallet. Lol!
Took the kids back to school shopping too. They don't need a lot, but it's always nice to have some new things for school. S picked out a backpack that was over $50. I told him to let his dad buy it. I bought D's backpack, have bought most of the supplies thus far, I will send up buying their shoes so J can buy the expensive backpack. I'm gonna have him buy glue sticks too, because buying two dozen gluesticks adds up.
I suspect S is back with his GF. She is over with her little sisters. The littlest one asked me if I am alone sometimes and I said yes, I am, but I'm okay. I get some peace and quiet and I get to watch whatever I want on tv. She said yeah because kids can be noisy sometimes. I said yes. And I said I have lots of friends too, so it's okay. I am okay and I believe it now. I miss my kids, but I'm okay. I am on my own and I am doing okay. Better than okay.
And the upstairs neighbor installed a new door latch for me and gave me a bunch of fresh veggies from their garden. I am truly blessed.
It gets better. Sometimes you don't know it's getting better, until it smacks you in the face.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I will agree in that it is all about keeping up appearances. For a long time after BD J did not want anyone to know about us. It's like he wanted to sweep reality under the rug. Just like him and I being friends. All about creating the illusion. Smoke and mirrors. Objects in the mirror may be closer than they appear.
I still don't know about fear. I think it's control and money. I keep wondering what he sees in this woman? It doesn't matter but I'm still curious. I guess the main charm is that she isn't me. J did say before "it could have been anybody".
Heck of a way to live your life. Jus' saying.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
My friend who was married to a narc who went MLC is relieved to be no longer married to him. Someone posted that they are like vampires. Although she was devastated by the bomb drop she now realises that his pre MLC personality was pretty toxic to be around.
OW may be like the woman who went for a ride on a tiger! If you think about their being joined at the hip - she is needy and he is getting his ego stoked (and stroked). At some point one or other will get bored and want more.
Yeah, it's could be a massive train wreck. He's running around like a chookless head in my eyes!
My weekend was awesome, pre bd, it was running round listening to spew. Maybe my nights update should be a comparison. Althought it would sound like a bitach fest!
I did share a water with the new bf! Ok so he snuck up to my water glasses and cameled (as In drank) the lost! Guess he's committed for life, lol
Last edited by Ggrass; 08/03/1410:00 AM.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
I remember when I found out about OW, J made a million excuses about how he never meant for it to happen...typical excuses. But he said something that got my attention: he said in all the craziness and all the crap and bad things that happened in the year 2011, he desperately needed to find some happiness to sort out the mess that was going on in his head. I don't think he even realized what he said to me. There was an aha moment for me, but not for him.
J's childhood was horrible too. Lots of dysfunction and drama. Put together a narcissistic, entitled mother and an alcoholic deadbeat father and you get J. His life has been one drama after another. His oldest aunt on his mom's side told me she thinks that when his mom's health hit the skids and his favorite aunt passed away he was pulled back into his past and all the memories came flooding back. She told me "WH, my childhood was not the best, and Lord knows J's childhood was not the best either. When my sister(J's mom) got sick and my other sister died, I felt myself getting pulled back into those memories and those horrible years. I had to fight to remember who I was and to finally put those feelings to rest". She guessed J wasn't able to fight those emotions he supressed for so long.
Maybe taking care of OW he feels is a replacement for taking care of his mom? And he blames me for his mom being in the position she's in. But of course, that's ridiculous. It has nothing to do with me.
I knew J was going to blow long before he did. I saw it coming. Like a train wreck, but unable to stop the wreckage. Just shield yourself and hope you don't get hit with the shrapnel and of course I did. I thought J was going to have a breakdown and of course he did. But not according to him. According to him he just could not take any more abuse from me. He had to get out of a miserable existence.
And of course to him everything is fine. Kids are from a broken home, have to endure OW and her baggage, their mom is pushed out of the only home they know, etc. But everything else is business as usual. Minus one woman and insert the next. I guess to him I was just a number. Replaceable.
But I am fine. Better than before but I HATE not seeing the kids every day. J may be fine with it, but I'm not. It's not so terrible if I at least get to see them but if I go a few days without seeing them I get the shakes. But I still would rather live in a hostel than spend 10 minutes in that house with J again. So many people have told me that even though my place is smaller, it's much better than the house because my place is warm and I inviting and full of love. The house is just a house. D's friend told me last night how she loved my house and how it looked like it was right out of a magazine. Lol! So sweet.
Kids and I are hitting the state fair tomorrow. Looking forward to it. Cream puffs, pig races, giant slide, lemonade...doesn't get better than that!!!!! And 25 cent milk!
WH
Last edited by wishing, hoping; 08/04/1404:21 AM.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Now that sounds fun! Enjoy the fair with the kids:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
