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mdu Offline OP
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Starting a new thread cause the other one is about to lock


M: 42
H: 43
M: 8 years
S7 and D4
H has D19 and S25 from previous M
Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA
1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail
2nd separation: 5/1/14
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 768
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mdu Offline OP
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For the first time in a long time I took a look at my divorce budget. I find it comforting to know I have a plan if worse comes to worst. One of the most intimidating parts of potentially being on my own is dealing with the house alone. It's big and expensive and has a huge property. I'm pretty sure I'd like to stay in it for at least some period of time (1-3 years) to give the kids some stability but it'd be rough financially and I wouldn't be able to afford to outsource much of the maintenance. I really need to get my confidence up about this, I need to just start dealing with things to prove to myself that I can find a way to handle it. Next kid free weekend needs to be a home maintenance weekend for sure! I think this would do a lot to help me tame some of my fears.


M: 42
H: 43
M: 8 years
S7 and D4
H has D19 and S25 from previous M
Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA
1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail
2nd separation: 5/1/14
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,077
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I think some of the house maintenance stuff would be empowering. Knowing you can handle whatever comes your way can't be a bad thing in the long run, right? It's something I'd be afraid of, too, but it has measurable progress so you can look back on a days work and SEE yourself facing your fears. Plus, it's a way of GAL. You're investing in you and your life. Way to go! Plus, all that kid free time working on maintaining the house and property is good self reflection time. Enjoy it!


M: 37 H: 36
M: 13 T: 18
D: 7
Bomb: 6/30/14
Separation: 8/11/14

Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.
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mdu Offline OP
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Boy, I sure have fallen off the GAL wagon, became so consumed with H and the possibility of reconciling. I've got to get back to rebuilding myself and my life regardless of what happens with H! So here goes (again!), my list of upcoming GAL:
*tonight (H has kids) - volunteer at RMH
*tomorrow am - go for a run outside
*tomorrow night - out to dinner with a friend
*this weekend - camping with a friend
*general: tidy up the house already!
*make a list of house to do's
*play chess
I need to rethink work too, I'm being encouraged to try for a bigger management role which I'm not so sure I want. It doesn't really thrill me --- but then again, given the funk I'm in nothing particularly thrills me right now frown


M: 42
H: 43
M: 8 years
S7 and D4
H has D19 and S25 from previous M
Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA
1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail
2nd separation: 5/1/14
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 768
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mdu Offline OP
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Posts: 768
Horrible night. Been up since 2:30am sick to my stomach. Can't stop thinking about possible D and all that will entail. My gut is literally screaming at me that he is back with OW and D is on his mind. I hate how much it scares me. It just so overwhelms me -- dealing with the house alone, the financial strain I would be under. I have friends but I feel like everyone is busy with their own lives and I would have no one to lean on anymore. My parents are elderly and my Dad is very ill. H has tons of family support and on top of that he has OW. I can't even begin to imagine what it will be like if I have to deal with the two of them together in my face. Other than one of my children becoming extremely ill, this is truly my worst nightmare.

I want to stay home today and just hide and cry. But I am going to make myself get up and get to work and talk to people and have a productive day. I can't let this destroy me. I have to find a way out of this dark place.


M: 42
H: 43
M: 8 years
S7 and D4
H has D19 and S25 from previous M
Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA
1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail
2nd separation: 5/1/14
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 309
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Mdu , I totally understand your fear and anxiety . Ive been trying to find ways of coping with the same sitch but not as far along as you . It is incredibly difficult and it does seem hard to find someone to lean on but you have the right idea , you have to get up and face the day no matter how daunting it seems . it helps sometimes to look at it as a fight , if you lay in bed a cry and give up then you lose . If you get up and carry on with life and even prosper then you win and he loses


Me 45 W 45
Son 16 Son 14
Married 23 together 27
W threatened sep several times
W still at home
A discovered Mar 17 2014
A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
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mdu Offline OP
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Thanks dawg.

I made my way out of bed and in to work. And contacted a few friends for plans and house help. I have plans to go out tonite. I definitely have to force it but I keep reminding myself that the more I get out and GAL and take care of things (i.e., house) the better I will feel. As you said, I've got to fight.


M: 42
H: 43
M: 8 years
S7 and D4
H has D19 and S25 from previous M
Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA
1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail
2nd separation: 5/1/14
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
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Way to fight thru it, mdu -- proud of you!

I know it sounds like a cliche, but really -- ONE DAY AT A TIME. Can you stand strong in THIS day? Just today?

Yes, you can.

Strength and honor,


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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mdu Offline OP
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Thanks Starsky. As always, appreciate the support.

I keep debating if I should go ahead and file D. Honestly, with H's latest about face it feels like a clear sign where his head is really at.

And I'm just sick of the whole thing. Not that D will make it any better but at least then we'd clearly be on a path and not this continuous reconcile/not reconcile roller coaster.

Also, I feel like I'm being played a fool right now.


M: 42
H: 43
M: 8 years
S7 and D4
H has D19 and S25 from previous M
Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA
1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail
2nd separation: 5/1/14
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,118
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Mdu,
this is very Australian saying but

Tits up, out onwards and upwards with dignity!
He would be foolish to leave now. Let the universe settle and be patient.

Grace honour and dignity let them shine quietly.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
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