Chapter 2: Letting Go

[Lifes Twists]

When I was last in the hospital before BD my wife only visited once. I had a feeling something was going on, a sixth sense. I gave my parent my debit card and asked them to pull $2000 from the account I shared with my wife. She did not find out about it till until after I was served papers. She got very angry. I told her I pulled it to pay our mortgage and bills. She was so angry she actually said she needed the money to move and never intended to pay those bills.

Since then she has made one bad decision after another about money. Her credit is destroyed. She has been denied as a co signer on a student loan for my daughter.

I don't know what it is with MLCers and money. I think the inability to handle money is just another aspect of this disease. I feel the fall out from their money issues is just another piece of the wreckage they leave in their wake.

Julie, protect your money in order to protect you and your children. Don't cover his expenses. It will only prolong his issues. You need for him to have to face the cold hard reality of his actions. Even then it will take time to see if he will wake up from this.

[juliegayle]

Thanks everyone. I made a budget of shared expenses and highlighted what each of us would need to contribute each pay period. I put his child support under the individual expenses column. I love those guys and will get them what they need but the child support is his to pay.

I think this is pushing him to move out. I got home yesterday and saw that he had moved out his large and somewhat valuable comic book collection.

[juliegayle]

Well the time for our appointment to discuss budget came and went. First h had to go for a walk. Then he had to sit in his car and play around on his phone. Then when I brought it up again he had to run to store.

Then he came home and accused me of changing the Netflix password July 18.( He was reading from an email) I told him I was still on vacation then and it was most likely one of my step kids. (Or just as likely h did it himself but was drunk and doesn't remember)

Then he ran around the house deleting his email from every device so I can't get on it again and hack Netflix. .. can you imagine!
All the while screaming that I am stupid, ignorant, and incompetent. I hate it when people use insults that don't even make sense to the situation.

Then he stormed out and drive down the street way too fast for a residential neighborhood.

Is it possible he concocted the whole scenario to get out of discussing budget?

[beatrice]

Is it possible he concocted the whole scenario to get out of discussing budget?

What would a teenager do here?

[juliegayle]

Luckily the actual teens in my home are more mature!

[juliegayle]

I just remembered that I sometimes used to joke with h that he was stuck at 14. At that time I was always talking about his sense of humor (still laughs at fart jokes or his love of video games) I can't believe I blocked that memory out for so long.

[LoisB]

Is it possible he concocted the whole scenario to get out of discussing budget?

Yup.

He's a scared little boy being forced to deal with some consequences. Stick to your guns Julie. You can do this.

And, don't allow him to talk to you like a disrespectful teen. If he goes there, shut him down...walk away, tell him firmly that you will discuss this when he calms down...dial 911 if you have to...but set that boundary. You're nobody's punching bag.

If he utters a single threat..."I wish you were dead"...that's enough to drag his a$$ to jail in most states.

Empower yourself. Vent here. It's so important that you be the grown up for your children.

You are doing AWESOME. :-)

[juliegayle]

I am feeling overwhelmed tonight. I would say that lately I have many more good days than bad. I am in control of myself and keep ow that is all I control.

I love s more than anything but sometimes the yelling and hitting (me and mlc dog) is too much. His anxiety continues to worsen. Constantly screaming for Dad and wants to know where he is. I tru to, give him something. "Dad is out let's leave him a voicemail" or something like that but developmentally he does not understand what is going on.

H hates that I have s in therapy. He sees it as another example of my failure as a mother. (don't worry I don't believe him) and I hate the idea if increasing s meds (he is already on 3 for mood aline)

I completely blame h for this. I know he is not in control of himself right now but I still blame him.

And it makes me mad that I blame him because I am working so hard to release negativity.

[Shining]

I'm so sorry you're having a rough night. Special needs on their own require so much energy, planning, attention, and consistency. Then add the current circumstances of MLC....oh, JG it has to be making this so much more difficult.

Thanks for visiting my thread. Oh, and The Frozen movie?? OBSESSED. Yep, drove with windows down, singing, belting it out, then it turned into a strange kind of "scream cry" and I started to worry that someone would think I was being kidnapped and call 911.

It's hard to release negativity. I think it's ok to have it, just not dwell and live there. Recognize it, own it, then purge.

I have always made up silly games to play with my kids, and now that they're teens, well.....I still make them play. They humor me, tho.

One new one we recently made up, is called, "You know what's really good about this???"

When we catch ourselves being negative, someone says, "BUT, do you know what's really good about this??" And then they finish with something positive. Usually gets really silly and out of control, as they're teens, but it does interrupt the pattern.

[juliegayle]

Shining thanks for visiting. I like that game you play with the kuds. I will try that one. The latest thing s and I have been doing to calm down is a big yoga laugh. Deep breath, blow out hard, arms way up, deep belly laugh. He loves it and it calms me as well.