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Check my thread Mike. Similar thing happened to me over the past week. Good work sir!!!


M 35 W 31
D 10
Married 3 years
Together 11
Single since Nov 13
Moved out Dec 13
ILYBNILWY, 'I don't want to be a boring housewife, 'I don't fancy you any more'
OM confirmed Jun 14
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claire7 Offline OP
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The tests keep coming:

H: Can I ask under what circumstance a home phone number (of the vacation house they are staying in) would be necessary or useful? You have at least 3 cell phone numbers here right?


He sent the address (with an "I think that's the name of the town")

Help.

I mean, is it not reasonable to expect to have contact info of where my child will be when she is out of town for 5 days? Am I being unreasonable??

I'm trying really hard to not sound irrational, overly anxious, controlling or shrewish. I feel like I'm falling back into old patterns, probably because I have expectations...

Grrr.


Me 38 H 40
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T 8 M 6
BD 10/2013

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Many houses don't even have landlines anymore. The house we stayed at on vacation had one but we were rarely inside to even hear it. Cell phone numbers of the people with whom we were staying was infinitely more useful.

You trust your H, right? He's a good dad, cares about her safety, all that?

If you do, then, respectfully, address & cell phone numbers is good. And he seems to be trying to show consideration for your concern by asking what you need it for.

It is hard to let your little one go, especially since she is so little. But you didn't just stick her on a camp bus. You sent her on vacation with the man you chose for her dad. One more 180 for today? smile


Me42, H40
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claire7 Offline OP
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Yep. Thanks. It's more his tone or the subtext of his msg (or, my interpretation of his tone and the subtext) that pushes my buttons.

And that, my anonymous friends, is why I'm here.

So...
"If there was a landline it would be great to have the number, but no worries if it is not easy to give to me. It would be great if someone would keep a phone on at night."

Still too crazy?


Me 38 H 40
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It's your comfort level, so your judgment, but... Your daughter is three. Why might you need to call her during the night? Even a real emergency can wait for her notification till morning, right?

This is the suckiest part of splitting, for sure. But she's with her dad. You know she will be safe. If you can't trust him with her now then why do you want to trust him with the entire rest of your life?


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
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Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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claire7 Offline OP
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Ok.

I hear you.

It's hard to be so far away and so left out of her life. I'm not a hovering mama. But this is just hard. It's been an emotional day. And his replies seem to lack any sense of how hard this is for me. (There go my stupid expectations creeping up again).

180 time.

I will just reply "no worries".
thanks, Maybell.


Me 38 H 40
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BD 10/2013

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I know this is hard. I hope you could sense that.

And he probably DOESN'T sense how hard it is for you. From his perspective, he trusts you with her constantly. And, both of you are her parents. So why shouldn't you also feel comfortable when he has her?

You could tell him it's hard and thank him for being a dad you can trust. And then he won't have to mindread about your concern and he will feel validated as a parent.

That might be too much for tonight. But something to think about. Because we want change in our situations, right? And we're here because we recognize that we need to be the change we wish for?

Sending you extra warm vibes, Claire, for letting go beyond your comfort zone.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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I think it's normal for mom to worry about her kids when they go away...

Michelle says "do something different" when experimenting and monitoring results to produce a change in your patterns.

She asks you to answer the following:

"Here are some things I could do that would really surprise my spouse"

Here is what your husband said....

Quote:
H: Can I ask under what circumstance a home phone number (of the vacation house they are staying in) would be necessary or useful? You have at least 3 cell phone numbers here right?


What could you say that would surprise him?

As a man.... Something like this would surprise me...

Quote:
claire7: You're right. 3 cell phone numbers is more than enough. (and then maybe a slight dose of humor to end it)... I guess that's a little overkill isn't it? (and then the apology.) Sorry, I should have thought of that.


Now. Every man like to be told he was RIGHT from his spouse..
BUT when the wife tells him he is right, AFTER he kind of snapped at her, he suddenly softens.....

I would even guess he would reply something like...

Quote:
H: No biggie. I know you worry about her..



So back to you.....

What could YOU say that would surprise him?


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claire7 Offline OP
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No, that's a great suggestion, I think.

Thank you very much.


Me 38 H 40
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Claire, I would be anxious and worries, too, in your sitch. It's not easy to let to completely when your child is so young and you want control and to be able to protect her. I hear you. Man, it's hard!! But you're doing a good job on that 180. I don't think it's a bad thing to call and just check in, that's not a bad thing, but I agree with maybell about the landline being unnecessary. I totally see your side though.

Hang in there. You're putting into practice everything you're learning about yourself and that's impressive! Give yourself kudos for these big steps!!it might be good to write them down and write down how you're feeling about them and watch as time goes on how your feelings change (meaning feeling less anxious) and see that you're feeling more grounded. That's progress and I'm all about finding ways to measure and see solid progress! Where our kids are involved though, it's a whole different ball game but still an opportunity for change and growth, right?

You rocked that situation!


M: 37 H: 36
M: 13 T: 18
D: 7
Bomb: 6/30/14
Separation: 8/11/14

Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.
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