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Maybell Offline OP
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Well, I've been stuck in that whole he should pursue me thing too.

There's a lot of ego in that position.

He has been enough himself that all the stuff I was so mad about before is in the past. When I see what I've been like, how I act when I'm hurt, well, maybe I need to make some big adjustments too.

His & my communication skills are pretty poor. Terrible, in fact. Our arguing skills consisted of not saying "always" or "never" and both of us apologizing before we went to bed. We have zero skill at sorting out a mutually acceptable solution. I was raised by a mom who believes women should always yield to men and the breadwinner is always right. I followed her example without really believing in it, which bred a lot of resentment. Add a nice strong tendency to control. Doesn't that sound like a fun marriage??

So, yeah, I think perhaps a little *flattering* pursuit might yield an enjoyable result.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
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Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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I think that is a great perspective. (And I fear I did a little projecting of my sitch (and emotional day) onto you. I'm sorry for that.)

Be the change, right?

Go for it! I'm rooting for you.
smile


Me 38 H 40
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Quote:
His & my communication skills are pretty poor. Terrible, in fact.


I think you underestimate yourself.

I have read a number of your posts and I believe your communication skills are right up there with the best. None better.... (At least on paper)

Is it possible that you haven't been communicating in his type of communication language? Not all men are verbal communicators.

Maybe go back and read page 117 of DR.. "The Medium is the Message"

You seem very intelligent and well spoken.

What is his communication saying to you in all honesty? (and he IS communicating to you something.)


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Maybell Offline OP
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I'm the one who woke up from all those insane dreams and couldn't get it back together for eight hours. No apology necessary.

I appreciate you a lot, Claire. Following you makes things clearer for me. In the nicest way.

Last edited by Maybell; 07/30/14 02:25 AM.

Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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Maybell Offline OP
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I took Wonka's advice to MDU today and sent H a text wishing him a good day and safe travels. He replied in a friendly tone and asked if everything was ok. I remembered what my IC said about being vulnerable so I mentioned that D11 and I would be working on our house project. Two-three more lines chatting about project and then I wished him safe travels again and signed off.

This afternoon he texted only D11 to say hi to all of us.

I feel confused.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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Maybell,

Keep at it. Sounds confusing, but try the new way a few times before doing something different.

Good luck!

Eatsma #2474291 07/30/14 11:07 PM
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Maybell Offline OP
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Was thinking I might wait a few days. I leave for another trip early Friday and he asked me to keep him posted as we drive. So maybe Sunday-Monday.

I wish I knew if I were on the right track.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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I think it was brave of you to reach out. Now if only someone would invent a crystal ball we wouldn't have to have all this risk-taking and uncertainty. grin

Worst case? You get a negative response (different from neutral) and pull back, right?

I think taking it slow is on the right track. Rooting for you!


Me 38 H 40
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Hi Maybell - I'm just catching up now, but I'd give your new approach a bit more time. Don't go overboard with contact or vulnerability, of course, but work a bit more of it in and see what happens. If it doesn't work out, you can always take a step back, but if it works, that's another step forward. You're doing great!


M - 34
H - 36
Together 10 years
Married 4 years
BD - March, 2014
Meghan #2474359 07/31/14 02:29 AM
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Maybell Offline OP
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So wait till Monday or so, or even longer?

Definitely not sooner since I have kid contact Friday-Saturday.

I guess nobody has a crystal ball. wink but I didn't want to keep up with the big distance act since he seemed to want to overcome it.

His Netflix history is guys with bigger-than-life lives and a documentary about a guy worried about the size of his penis. So it must not be all about me. wink


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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