I'm sorry you're going through a tough time. Sandi2 is giving you great advice. I was the same way as you...neglected my H by focusing on kids and school not him. I'm still going through a lot with mine, but as I have backed off, he is more curious about what I'm doing and who I'm with. I do still compliment, but only minimal..it seems to scare him off if I do more than 1 every few days.
Focus on you and use Wonka's validation cheat sheet...works wonders! Good luck!
Atsbaby M:36 H:35 T: 19 M:12 S:11 D:9 BD: 5/4/14 Proof of OW 8/13/14-love note from her 8/19 admits OW 8/22/14 files D w/o telling me 9/20/14 Says he wants to reconcile
Sandi thank you for all of that! I have been doing just about every thing you have said. I am the controlling person. Read the Mr. Nice guy book and every thing. Just a little me in that book. Great book by the way. I have only done the persueing thing in the last couple of weeks. Trying different things lately. I was pushing to hard the last couple of days. I do give her space and time. Have never called her for anything not important.
It was weird she finally called me back about the health insurance and excepted my offer to get the family insurance. But after that she stayed on the phone and talked with me and I mean talked with me. I kept the focus on her and said the right stuff. We laughed hard! It was a conversation like we would of had years ago. It was just really nice!
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
Your story has alot of my story in it .. thank you for sharing and I think Sandi is so spot on with her advice ... nice forum here... I am learning so much and its nice to know there are people who have gone through exactly what I am going through and not wanting to give up on the M
She asked me a good question tonight at kid exchange and really caught me off guard. So I guess I'm asking what would have been a good response to it. Question was " how do you know if we started living together that the arguing wouldn't be there like it always was". My answer was probably so wrong but it really caught me off guard. I answered that we both as people have changed and how do you know it wouldn't be different. She said I don't know if I've changed I'm just a complete mess!
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
Don't know what to think anymore. First she asks me to come get the bikes and fishing poles that I dropped off early in the week tonight in stead of pick up kid time on Friday. Then I show up like I had plans to go out tonight witch I hadn't really made yet. They where eating dinner and I said hi and gave the kids hugs and kisses. And started to leave and she starts fixing me a plate for dinner. And said I had to eat. Well........ Then asked what our plans for the weekend where.
I have got to stop trying to figure her out!
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
Sorry for posting again. But having a rough day! Having one of those days where I can't stop thinking about her. On the bright side she did call me to tell me about an appointment for the d12 on Tuesday where she could have just texted me. Like she was doing a month ago. Baby steps!!! Get the kids back in a couple of hours then our weekend of fun! Yes!!
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
The response to your wife on the 30th could have gone something like this:
"I don't want to go back to our old marriage. I'd like to start a new relationship with you, if that's where we end up. This whole ordeal has been a wakeup call for me that I have to handle my romantic relationships differently. I want to be in a marriage where both partners work through their conflicts intelligently, and where the husband and wife work each and every day to meet each others needs on purpose....."
I'd suggest you get a copy of "His Needs, Her Needs" and read about how romantic love is created and sustained in a successful marriage.
Ok this is what I don't get about the wife! We have had some contact in the last week here where it has been good. I got the kids back on Friday, it's now Sunday and not one phone call to them or me! You would think she would at least want to talk to the kids once but nothing! I've read about fogged out of your mind before but when she goes on these time spots it's unheard of!!!
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
I've been reading your posts and I don't agree you should treat your wife like your sister.
She left you for another guy. Treating her like your sister seems pretty stupid. I'd romance the hell out of her and steal her back from the guy who stole her from me.
But these people seem to know what they are doing.
Why are you surprised your wife didn't contact you when you had the kids? You seem like a good father. You and your wife seem like you trust each other with the kids. If something happened to the kids wouldn't you call her?
And if your treating her like a sister there wouldn't be any reason for her to call you. Unless she wants the lawn mowed or some other chore done.
I get it. She hurt your feelings because you thought the kids guaranteed a phone call from her. But I don't know why your surprised she didn't call.
She has a boyfriend.
I know this is harsh but your kids aren't the bridge to a relationship with your wife. It's a rotten position to put them in.
If you want your wife back then figure it out without the kids. They weren't around there the first time your won her heart.
Patience patience patience! It's very hard when the other person does not call for you or the kids! So frustrating that she hasn't even called to talk to the kids all weekend! And they are starting to really question about mom. And what's wrong with her!
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
