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TL72* Offline OP
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you guys are great, thanks for all your responses, helps to vent it out and know that others are going through something similar. Georgiabelle, thanks for the encouragement - I always wonder to myself if i'm handling it right when something happens and I just go with my gut - trying to make those changes still and the old me would have exploded. definitely not worth a migraine laugh.
Matt I do think we're making progress - Brightfuture - yes that is exactly what he said 6 months ago - he wasn't happy here and had to get out and away from ME to be happy. Didn't want the burden or responsibility and I think felt guilty too- he would never have eye contact with me. My how things change. Just glad I don't have to see him face to face. He wanted to keep things friendly he said. I guess this is his idea of friendly. Matt you are so right - happiness is found within, he's looking in all the wrong places.That's his journey though. Shining, nice to meet you, so sorry you are here. I'll go read up on your sitch. I love that trash bag analogy - so true. Reminds me I should buy a whole new trash can. Thanks for the hug!!


Me - 42
exH - 56
Married 10.5 years
Together 17
bomb dropped 1/6/14
signed papers 2/4/14
H moved out 2/22/14
D final 4/4/14
Dropped the rope 5/17/14
2 cats, 2 dogs
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 110
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Wow! TL, I've been away from these boards too long!

It seems like your relatively detached ex H has indeed freaked out in a MAJOR way! I also would have bet $$ that he had been drinking, but his tirade continued to another day? WOW!

You were blessed to have had the opportunity to sign HIS divorce papers quickly and benefit financially (long term, I believe you'll benefit, but I know it's a financial strain now) from getting the house. You were wise enough to do so. I suspect that you are correct about him being laid off or fired from his job. Yep I bet he started thinking (and drinking), and just got angrier by the moment as to how he brought all this onto himself. But as you and everyone has said, he sees it is your fault! ?

He probably still has no clue about your mom passing either.

I recommend that you not only tell your family about his potentially threatening emails and texts, but FORWARD them if you can so they're proof on another computer. It seems as if you're okay at least as of 7/29. I'll look for your other comments since then, if there are any. Otherwise, I wish you'd check in so we know you're okay.

Stay safe, Tina. (((hugs to you TL)))
Again, I'm blown away! Wow! (I know I keep writing that, but words escape me.) And we thought you'd had the model divorce! I'll keep you in my prayers.

You still are the role model of grace, dignity and integrity in all this process, though. Keep saying that mantra!


cczamo
...i'll post my update on my Funeral For a friend page


M 56 H 52
M 13.5 T 15
S 28 twinStep Ds 24
ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14
Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14
Divorce final 7/8/14


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Hey TL, sorry for disappearing on ya. I've hit a little bit of a rough patch since H returned from his 5 week vacation in Spain (it's on my thread), but NOTHING like what you've been going through.

Whoa, he's really acting out - you're smart not to try and 'fix' it for him. He put himself in this situation, now he can get himself out. And just like the others who have posted here, keep that computer/paper trail. Personally, I think he's drinking before he does what he's been doing, a little drunken roaring, so I don't think he'll do anything physically to you or the house. On the other hand don't let your guard down.

Like cczamo said, keep posting often so we know you are ok - just little posts like, "All's good!" or "I'm okay." Don't be like me and disappear for two or three weeks. You'll have us all in an uproar!

Hope everything else in your life is going well. ((()))


Me 59 H47
M12 T22
No kids
BD&S Apr 2,2013 - ILYBINILWY
Filed 2/12/14
OW 11/13
The Universe always strikes you at your weakest point because that’s what most needs strengthening." – Joseph Campbell
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TL72* Offline OP
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thanks guys - I haven't been on the computer too much but all is ok. I haven't heard from him since then. Most of my paranoia has subsided but I do find myself taking 2nd glances when I see a truck like his. I think he's probably vented and hopefully that was enough to settle him down. My current concern is that I did not receive the letter from the bank showing that the house was paid off. I was told it would be sent within 10 days with an escrow refund check. My thought is that they sent it, it's in both our names most likely since the original mortgage was in both our names that would make sense - then USPS probably forwarded it to him since his name was first on the mortgage. If he got it he most likely deposited it without me signing it. I know I know I'm making things up in my head that I don't know to be true. My other thoughts on this is that if it shuts him up he can have the refund. It's about 1500 so it's not worth fighting over although I really feel the right thing to do is to split it 50/50. I have a call into the bank to see if they did actually get it out and to see if it was processed yet. Part of me thinks it's the principle of the thing - if he forged my name on the check or deposited it without letting me know he got it after that huge tantrum a week or so ago. The angry part of me says he doesn't deserve anything, I paid that money into the escrow account and he shouldn't have treated me that way, but the forgiving side of me says just let him have the whole thing and hope he leaves me alone going forward. Mostly right now I just want to know if that is what happened to it or if they just hadn't gotten it out yet for whatever reason. I'll let this go soon enough, just overthinking it as usual. What truly matters to me is leaving the past in the past and creating this sanctuary for myself and moving forward. I hope after a year or so (they say it takes a month for every year you were married to recover fully) that I am able to go through whole days without thinking of it. Inner peace - I know it's out there and I feel I'm so close to grabbing it smile


Me - 42
exH - 56
Married 10.5 years
Together 17
bomb dropped 1/6/14
signed papers 2/4/14
H moved out 2/22/14
D final 4/4/14
Dropped the rope 5/17/14
2 cats, 2 dogs
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 110
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TL, I'd be careful about doing anything else to upset exH. I know $1500 is alot of $$ but could exH be pushed to be even angrier than he was a few weeks back?
Would the only thing you could do about him forging your name be to press charges with Attorney General of state? Maybe personally sue in small claims court?


M 56 H 52
M 13.5 T 15
S 28 twinStep Ds 24
ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14
Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14
Divorce final 7/8/14


Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 110
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TL, I noticed that your signature shows that you "dropped the rope on 5/5/14" .
What was the event, or realization that you made on that day to decide to "drop the rope?"

I still have not officially decided that if JERK exH were to realize his MLC mistake that I would or would not accept him back (with MAJOR conditions).


M 56 H 52
M 13.5 T 15
S 28 twinStep Ds 24
ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14
Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14
Divorce final 7/8/14


Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 342
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TL72* Offline OP
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cc - I was detached, but still had the door ajar. I would have taken him back (like you said, with conditions) up until that point when I met someone. I had dated a couple others before that but there was no connection, I was just trying to make friends and GAL, not looking for a new love. I know it sounds cheezy but this man I met, it wasn't love at first sight, but there were so many "clicks" telling me "hey don't let this one slip away". That was when I shut the door, dropped the rope, my heart finally told me I deserved better and that I would not be able to wait years for the ex to "maybe" come to his senses, no guarantees so why waste any more time on emotionally investing in a dead relationship. That wasn't healthy for me. The test was when he came over to visit the dogs the last time (in early June I think) and I felt nothing for him. Indifference. The opposite of love. It was awkward and like I didn't even know him anymore. Zero attraction. I was "done" and everything inside me told me so. When you are ready to drop the rope, you'll know. I wrote that date in there when I was trying to think of when it happened and that was what I came to, finally feeling like I was completely whole on my own and no longer co-dependent on the ex. I just noticed (probably noticed it before but forgot) that your BD was the day before mine. I think you and I are pretty close in our journeys and you sound stronger all the time.

spoke with mortgage company yesterday and they sent the check out Monday, so it should be here probably today or tomorrow. I am praying on it - I know that money is mine for the taxes and insurance but definitely not worth stressing or fighting about and if I ask him to sign it for me he'll blow up, I'm certain of it. So I may just sign it and mail it to him and ask to not be contacted again. I'm still rolling this around in my mind. What irks me is that i'm thinking about it and I don't want to - thoughts of the ex are not welcome anymore so this might be the best way to end thinking about him, just get it over with.


Me - 42
exH - 56
Married 10.5 years
Together 17
bomb dropped 1/6/14
signed papers 2/4/14
H moved out 2/22/14
D final 4/4/14
Dropped the rope 5/17/14
2 cats, 2 dogs
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 110
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That gesture (endorsing escrow refund check to exH) would be a very generous one for you to make, and just might tick him off that you're taking such a high road, while he's been a jerk. I totally understand the inner conflict you're having, though.

Are you still dating "so many clicks" guy? How is that going, if you are?

Last edited by cczamo; 08/07/14 05:00 PM.

M 56 H 52
M 13.5 T 15
S 28 twinStep Ds 24
ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14
Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14
Divorce final 7/8/14


Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 342
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TL72* Offline OP
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I still haven't received the check so my mind is still wondering if the darn USPS forwarded it to him after all. Trying to be patient.
Gosh you're right cc - anything could tick him off at this point so I just have to hope for the best. I wish they had just transferred the funds over to the new loan. Oh well, it is what it is. Yes - I'm still dating him, his nickname is Chance... how apropos for me. He's my age, good childhood - I met his parents who are still married and they have a very lovely family, I'm hoping this means no future MLC smile I know it's pretty early to think of such things but after going through this once I never want to go through it again. So far so good, he treats me wonderfully, he's all about communicating which is new for me, and romantic - we have discussed the ex's (both mine and his) and we're just really enjoying each others company. I'm totally smitten. I've now got him hooked on watching Game of Thrones too, bonus! The animals really like him also which is a good sign for me. The cat brought up a "gift" last night and left it in the kitchen - mouse - it was nice to have someone there who would dispose of it for me! I know I can do all those things myself, but it was nice not to have to. Still being independent and my own person, but definitely enjoying this.


Me - 42
exH - 56
Married 10.5 years
Together 17
bomb dropped 1/6/14
signed papers 2/4/14
H moved out 2/22/14
D final 4/4/14
Dropped the rope 5/17/14
2 cats, 2 dogs
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 110
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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 110
TL, I'm so happy for your new "Chance!" The world seems a little rosier when there's that smitten feeling in your heart!

I've had those "gifts" from my Jack Russells since exH left, too. I've had to buck up and get them in trash on my own. Gross!

No such love luck on my end, just yet, but its in Gods hands, and if it's to be, it will be.


M 56 H 52
M 13.5 T 15
S 28 twinStep Ds 24
ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14
Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14
Divorce final 7/8/14


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