Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 4 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 10 11
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
LMAO!!!!

Your note just reminded me, my wife told HER EGF (Enabling Girl Friend) that "Choc (me) is hiding money, I just know it!"

I wasn't, of course.


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810

Poow widdle fishie. frown


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 628
Z
zew Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Z
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 628
So, the common friend ^^^^ who talked to W the other day and them IM'd me some details phoned me today to talk some more.

Friend says W is all over the map - talking divorce, but not sure of anything.
But at least it's clear now that W is starting to think about the logistics of D.

Again W brought up that she didn't think I'd go back to MC. Friend referred her back to the part in my letter where I said "there was lots of help available to us". Friend assured her that MC is just one kind of help that I was talking about.

Then W wonders about health insurance for herself.

Then she talks about selling house and buying herself one in same school district.

Then she says "Ideal situation would be Zew and I legally separate, but live together in an open marriage, in current house, and kids are home with both parents."

Ya. Clearly the "ideal" situation. This is why I don't believe in S at all, at all.

W is still on about hiding money, and is afraid that I will never change the parent/child relationship we have over finances. This is a tough one. She has rightly identified our financial relationship. It was never intentional, as I've said before, but over the years, her CC's and irresponsible spending have kind of cemented that relationship. I still think that could be fixed, but it will take trust, and I know I will never give her joint control of all assets.

Friend is encouraging me to go over full financials with W, not because she'll understand it, but because it will take it off the table, and since they'll come out in filing anyway, why not.

It irks me to no end that W even makes the accusation, and I would really rather only go over finances with her once she's back in the M. Otherwise, my finances just become more fodder for the posse's grist mill, and the next round of conspiracy theories. And if I were to clear this up, what would the next roadblock be? Can something as simple as finances, which she brings up in every conversation with everyone really be her deal breaker? I can't believe that, but I'm not my W.

Then friend asked me point blank - "Zew, even if W wants to come back, how would you ever trust her?" And this person was my W's bff for about 10 years, before we moved to different cities. And I now wonder if my only motivation for even trying is purely the kids. I told friend, I really wasn't interested if W only wanted to "try", at this point, I want to see real commitment. You know, Yoda - "Do, or do not. There is no try." That may be asking more than she'll ever have to give.


And then W IM'd me again tonight to buy her cell phone upgrade. She's fuming that I won't order it, and won't give her access to the account so she can do it. I'm proving her "controlling" accusation. And then I see her posting pictures on FB of she and posse going for horse drawn taxi rides in the city today, wondering who is paying for that, and not feeling bad at all about controlling. She has money. I just don't want to buy another thing until we have a "chat" about where we stand when I get back.

Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 628
Z
zew Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Z
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 628
The cell renewal is still bugging me.

By upgrading, I'd be making a 2 year commitment to pay for her cell phone, or face early termination fees.

Seems W and I made a lifetime commitment once, she's not holding up to well on that contract, and I'll face huge early termination fees.

I'm not big on contracts with early termination fees right now, given that I can't see past next week.

Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
Perfectly understandable. I wouldn't do it either. Throw in the fact that she uses the phone to actively pursue other men (plural) and you're well into. "NO WAY IN HELL" territory.

Last edited by Starsky309; 07/27/14 02:01 PM.

M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 628
Z
zew Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Z
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 628
oh yeah, that too! smile

Friend and I had some good laughs a couple of times on the phone call -- it is so tragically comical.

Like gee, if you're going to f a client then dump him, make sure you get the commission first, then dump him. Duh! Sense of timing? hello?

Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 628
Z
zew Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Z
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 628
How I love vacation. One week left.

Made a pie with the last of the strawberries we picked last week.

Went blueberry picking with my father today. When nobody else wants to go, we can always count on each other to head into the bush to pick.

After that, I sat and had a single malt with him.

Gotta show the kids how all this hanging out with your parents as adults is cool.

Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 628
Z
zew Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Z
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 628
Damn. Zen broken. Need some input here.

W and I haven't spoken much in months, certainly not about M or R. I gave her the "not going to live in an open marriage, we have decisions to make" letter last week before leaving on vacation.

She called a few days ago all hot and bothered to upgrade her cell phone, demanding that I order it immediately, or give her access to the account so she could order it.

I see it as just more demanding, milking Zew for one more thing as she carries on with OM and plans for D. I don't want to renew a 2 year contract in my name to provide her a cell phone when she/I could file for D within weeks.

And when she asked if there was a problem with me ordering the phone, I said, yes, there are a few problems, and she hung up on me.

Fast forward to now. She just sent this email: (shortened)

Quote:
Zew,

I need a new cell phone as my phone is acting crazy. [...etc...]

I can't run my business this way, so either get me the phone I want or put me back on the account so I can take care of this matter myself.

You say you don't control me and/or you want to work on things but this is a form of control and it is clear to me that you don't want to work on things... only on your terms.

This is the way our marriage has always been on YOUR TERMS and what you want not what I want or need! I sent you a text on Saturday and I had no response to it.

W

Her email reeks of the sophomoric posse. Demanding, isn't it. I knew they would come back and call this controlling.

My proposed response:
Quote:
W,

Just as you cannot run your business without a phone, we cannot have a successful marriage, either financially or emotionally, without commitment.

You are demanding that I renew a multi-year contract in my name to provide you with a cell phone. Without any commitment from you to our marriage, I have no reason to believe that I will meet the two year contract term and I will be subject to early termination fees.

When we started to discuss this a few days ago, you hung up on me. If you want to have a conversation with me, and you want me to respond to your texts, I expect to be treated respectfully.

This isn't a matter of control; it's uncertainty. The reality of our situation is that decisions that used to be simple in a long term committed relationship no longer make sense.

My position regarding our marriage has not changed. If you commit to working with me seriously, honestly and exclusively, I have committed to you that I will put everything on the table so that we can start fresh and find solutions that satisfy both of us.

Z


Comments?

Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 659
U
Member
Offline
Member
U
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 659
You seem so condescending to me both in your draft and in the way you speak about her.

Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 628
Z
zew Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
Z
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 628
interesting comment - care to elaborate?

(I can certainly think of a few reasons why)

Page 4 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 10 11

Moderated by  Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard