Keep going...eyes forward, buddy. You're doing great with your "going dark" plan. Ignore what other people say about your M for they don't know the sitch and aren't walking in your shoes.
Thanks for checking in. Things are going ok. Not great. I'm doing great with GAL, and can't wait for my upcoming vacation. I realize I still care for my W a lot, which is why I'm still in this boat. I'm doing my best.
Hard to know if I had a setback or not. Kids called me to go swimming with them. I couldn't say no. It was a great three hours of time with kids, until W started blaming me for her body changing with kids. It's bizzare, because she actually looks the best she's ever looked since she has kids. Her self perception is her own though. At that time I regretted going. Thought it was for the kids though, and they were happy I came.
Been dark besides that, and she is now away. I know she's still in contact with OM. Intelligence..... No way she is stopping soon. Overall, have to say, I'm almost at a point where I don't care, which is good I think.
She's away for three days now, then I leave on my holiday for two weeks. Can't wait. I realized the special things that count to me.
My daughter tonight told me tonight "that her and her brothers are big fans of me, and they love me". Six year old treasures that can't be beaten. That's what I live for
I'll write some more musings tomorrow. I'm off to play some hockey.
These boards are active today. So, my W has been visiting the OM, I'm assumming here based on conversations, since Monday. I've had NC for the last two days and it actually feels really good.
Met with my L today. I need to stay the course right now until W start full time at the local community centre. She will be making good money, and that will effect the spousal support etc. Her plan is for September. I got some valuable advice, and now need to do some more preparatory homework.
All in all a productive day. Layed out my plan for the next few months, and feel good about going forward. Now I just need to workout today, and I'll be a happy man.
Question here. One of my boundaries has been no OM in my car or our house.
I am switching cars with my W for the upcoming holiday. I will be gone for a long time. When W asked about switching cars, I made reference to the fact that I was comfortable a long as my boundary was maintained. I was then accused of being controlling and an [censored]. Everything I do I was told is controlling.
I understand she is free to do what she wants, and the trick for me is that I guess maybe it is a bit controlling to do that? I just feel that it's not something I will tolerate. But I do need the other car. Any thoughts?
Seems to me I may have to rent a car, and I forgot to add, having the house empty while I'm gone and her having full access leaves me a bit worried as well. Going to need to move some documents.
Hi Dev; Rental car is a good idea. And only leave stuff around the house that you want the W to find.
I remember leaving an article "How to Permanently End your Affair" on my office credenza when I went away for a couple of days. I know the W looked at it because it's position was moved.
When I went away last weekend, I hid all my DB & DR stuff, notes, plans, manifestos, etc., but I did leave a book I was reading called "Worn Out Woman" (recommended by Sandi I think) on my bookshelf, and when I returned my W said she found the book and took it and is reading it and it's helping her. I did leave that book there because I was hoping she'd find it. It shows her I'm trying to understand her crisis and at the same time I thought it would be a good read for her too, but I wasn't about to thrust it into her hands - that's pursuing.
So if you want your W to read something relevant without you forcing it on her, leave it lying around at your house. If you want her to read a particular passage, just put a sticky note in that page.
And stop worrying about what she's doing or the OM. You cannot control her. You can only control yourself. I know it's hard to detach - man, I have such a hard time with it, but it really does feel better than constantly obsessing over the A. Just go and enjoy your vacation with the kids. Have a great time.
M: 59 W: 53 M: 9 yrs T: 14 yrs No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine) W moved out 11/18/2013 D-Day 12/14/2013 W moved back home 12/1/2014
Your right on not worrying about her or the OM. It's very tough to do, but necessary I know. I'm so looking forward to my vacation, that getting caught up in minor details seems pointless.
Today she was late with meeting to exchange kids, starting crying, and was just generally a mess. As I've noted before it's tough in this situation to not rescue her. I imagine her life is very hard right now. I know mine is.
Three days till I'm gone, can't hardly wait to be drama free for two weeks. Best detachment ever.....
Catching up after being MIA for a few days and look what happens when one's not looking!
You're getting some good advice here. My boundary with Ms. Wonka was no OW at the house...near the house...around the house. I was quite angry and vocal when I laid down this boundary. So she took her rendezvouses elsewhere.
Oh my...I do have stories about small, stupid things done by Ms. Wonka during her affair-addled phase.
Well done in not trying to rescue your W. She needs to face the consequences of her choices and knows full well your boundary of not being in an open marriage.
Glad to hear that you will be going away for a while...what a wonderful distraction for you!!!
Can't hardly wait for my trip to start. I will be off the grid for awhile, but rest assured I will be doing well, with my kiddies. I'll check in and update at some point , but otherwise, should be good!
Nothing really new to report right now. Ms. Dev is going to have a lot of time to herself, hopefully allowing for some reflection and thought, but really, it doesn't matter to me
Good luck to everyone in the DB world for the next little while!
