Thanks beatrice, I appreciate it. I don't even have a lawyer, I went to one to read over my papers (free consultation) and I signed them on the spot. There was no reason not to because they were in my favor other than I didn't want a divorce. Was trying to avoid any unpleasantness or fighting and so I just signed after the lawyer said they were all good. I showed my brothers and my father all the texts and emails so at least others know about it, I will block his emails and number on my phone and hope he drops it - I don't particularly want to tell anyone at my office about it and if he calls or emails me there again i'll have to though, I don't know if he'll try and get me to lose my job or what. I think I'm just being paranoid but the mind wanders sometimes.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
I imagine that once the dust settles, the paranoia will lift and you will feel angry. Be careful not to respond with venom in his direction...no matter how much he may deserve it.
I think you handled it well. And, if it continues, you have the emails and family support necessary to file harassment.
What an A-hole.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Hi TL, I'm so sorry that he has started this chit up. Must have been a bad weekend for MLCers as my W went on a tirade while she was here taking furniture that I was allowing her to have before we have even come to any agreement! I found out that she hasn't been moving forward with the D because she didn't want to spend any money with her lawyer and told me that once I let her have anything she wants, THEN we can finish the process! She actually thinks that I should be left with nothing to negotiate with to get what I want BEFORE we sit down to negotiate. While she was there she started to pack something that I said I would like to keep. She freaked out, ran into my bedroom and took my laptop screaming that I was horrible and that she had to leave because she had to sleep on the couch for 6 months and if i was so angry she left she can come back and I can sleep on the couch. No one asked her to sleep on the couch.
It was like watching a 47 year old have a temper tantrum like a 4 year old, in front of the kids and her best friend (who thinks she's crazy for leaving me)! She cares more about "stuff" then her kids, her dog, her marriage. Here I was helping her carry furniture that belonged to me until she decided to quit a 20 year marriage for no reason. When I have let her have almost anything she wanted. She could have just spoke to me in a normal way. Told me that this clock meant so much to her and if I would let her have it she would appreciate it or offered to give up something else. But that would mean she would have to be "nice", would have to actually give up something and MLCers don't like to hear that!
I think just what your exH has done is starting to sink in. He was feeling the need to run so badly that he just signed whatever he had to and now he see's that you can live just fine and he hates it. He is starting to see that you weren't the reason he was unhappy all along and now he has to live with the consequences of what he has done and instead of thinking he was wrong, he would rather find a NEW thing you're to blame for that is making him unhappy. What is it about these WAS's that make them always see us as the reason for every bad feeling they have? Heck, I have seen some that blame their ex's for the failure of the relationship with OP.
I think you're doing all you can at this point. You are doing great, don't let him get under your skin. He's a coward underneath it all if you think about it. If he wasn't he would have been brave enough to face his part in any problems in the M and at least tried to work things out. Just hold on and he'll crawl back under his rock soon enough.
thank you Lois - I will definitely not react with venom, I was able to just walk away and ignore it even though I wanted to say a few choice things, it wasn't worth the energy - I asked myself what would this accomplish - it would be sinking to his level and just opening the door to more and I felt better ignoring it and then it hasn't happened again for 2 days so i'm hoping he did crawl back away.
Matt I'm so sorry that you're currently experiencing this crap, it is such a relief when the legal stuff is done and over but there's always going to be that link plus you have children. I hope that things settle down for you soon. You definitely gain strength along this journey. When I look back I see that I was learning some valuable lessons, I did notice that when someone told me a story about so and so walking away from their niece/cousin, whomever when she got pregnant and they were wondering what to do - I'm thinking to myself - consider yourself lucky they walked away now and just protect yourself. Yes it hurts but at least you can see who they are now and not 10 years down the line when you're totally invested and taken by surprise even more. I'm a little bitter in some ways but I do still believe in love. Yeah I was given the same opinion by someone else that you said - about how it's sunk in that i'm ok without him and it is easier for him to blame me for whatever is wrong in his life now and that i'm not there to pick up the pieces like I always was. I feel pity for him, I know he's going through something awful and I wanted to be there for him but I cannot, he made that clear then and now, I no longer wish to be the rescuer, that's not healthy either. He definitely has not accepted any responsibility for anything that has gone wrong in his life, he never did, I just didn't see it until I was on the outside of it. I do hope he stops, it did get under my skin Friday night but I still had a good time with friends, however I don't like that I allowed it to bother me as much as it did. Still working on that. I hope that him venting on me like that provided him with an outlet - I still wish him the best, i'm certainly moving forward and onward without him. I don't need that drama in my life. Thanks for letting me vent here guys, it's hard to explain this behavior to others because they think you should react differently than you are but I know inside that I did the right thing by ignoring him. After I send him the bank letter that shows the original loan is paid in full I will block him from everything and pray for the best.
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
I'm sorry your ex h has gone bat$h!t. You handled things well and as you know, engaging will only give you a migraine.
You are doing fabulous! :-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Hi TL, I think it's a good sign that I, like you, are most bothered not by what our Ex's said or did but how we let it get to us! Today, I'm not upset at all by what she said or how she acted. I really expected some kind of acting out, I just wasn't sure what it would be. No, I'm upset that I let it get to me. That I lost total control on my emotions, let it get "under my skin"! I think that is progress for us both!
TL, what a development! I agree with Matt, it is probably starting to sink in for your x. I suspect that magic of him feeing happy after the D was final is not happening. Surprise, surprise… I’m amazed at how you handled the situation. I’m thinking this is not the end of it. I just hope that he will not become like Bea’s xh.
My H signed off the house to me last year. In his mind he was not happy here, he didn’t want it, he was trying to get rid of the burden. Part of it he was also trying to be nice and I guess felt guilty too. I wander if he is also mad at me sometimes for doing this. I just have no ways to know. I don’t think he would initiate anything like your x did via e-mails or texts. He is just “too nice” in his own eyes.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
TL, I'm new here...but wow. Your H and my H, so similar in their behavior.... Never their fault. Can't be.
I'm so sorry you have had to deal with this. You seem to have made great strides in such a short time. The speed in which this all happened to you....It's baffling.
They are so he//bent on removing whatever they perceive as a threat to their warped version of true happiness.
I have no wise words, just a virtual hug (((((TL))))).
M44, H44, both M before M4 yrs, T6 BD 7/13 ILYB something isn't right with me H att suicide 2/14 S 4/14 OW disc 5/14 D final 4/15
Oh my BF, My W has said over and again that she wasn't "happy here". Even said to our D14 when she told her she was leaving that she was doing it because "It's not happy here"! With our D19, she said "You must have felt the unhappiness at home, right?". The MLCer just can't seem to understand that the unhappiness lies within them, no where else! They search and search until there is nothing or no one else left to blame. Then take another couple years to come to terms with the fact that they are the problem. I guess whether there's anyone left from their past that give's a rat butt is how much damage they've done on the way.
The MLCer just can't seem to understand that the unhappiness lies within them, no where else! They search and search until there is nothing or no one else left to blame. Then take another couple years to come to terms with the fact that they are the problem.
This reminds me of an old saying... Something along these lines:
"You can take out the trash bag and put it on the curb. But if you don't clean out the bottom of the can, even if you put in a new bag, it's still gonna stink."
MLCers seem to keep getting new bags.
M44, H44, both M before M4 yrs, T6 BD 7/13 ILYB something isn't right with me H att suicide 2/14 S 4/14 OW disc 5/14 D final 4/15
