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W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21
33 years M 28
DD 3 Feb 11, 2014
S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
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Oxford1 Offline OP
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Mr. bond you are correct and for this thread I will try my hardest to forget about OM...

I guess where I obsess is that last week even when OM first got to town WW kissed me goodnight every night and kissed me goodbye every morning.

This week since Sunday not one kiss at all. She went from cheek to lips to nothing...
It could because she's exhausted but you have to admit it's hard for a guy to figure this out.


W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21
33 years M 28
DD 3 Feb 11, 2014
S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
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You're getting there. Keep plugging along..
Don't worry, it's hard for most everyone to get their mind off of a situation like your situation. You will get there.

Find something you are passionate about that puts a hop in your step.
Learn to laugh. Laughter is a great medicine...


Call and set up another appointment with your Coach, Chuck.
He is an expert and TRAINED in these things. The rest of us are just rank amateurs compared to the experts. wink Get your advice from the experts. It will be money well spent. That's why Michelle is kind enough to have this site for us. Don't mistake the advice on here for Professional advice from an expert.

Chuck will set you up with a plan specifically for your situation and help to get you on track and keep you on track.

Make sure you keep reading DB and DR to go along with Chuck's advice.

Good luck....


Justin Credible
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That's why FB recommends no mind reading and having no expectations. And ... You're still focusing on her .... and what kinds of kisses you're getting..... And on her .......

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Originally Posted By: unbidden
That's why FB recommends no mind reading and having no expectations. And ... You're still focusing on her .... and what kinds of kisses you're getting..... And on her .......


Good point.

What I have done for myself is really focused on my control issues.
I know I slip up sometimes but I have gotten a lot better.

My anger is pretty much gone. I don't find myself getting angry anymore.

I have to focus a little but more energy in self control around S16.
He had an appointment last night and I was having a hard time getting him moving.

When I got upset with him he commented that it was because I was loosing my wife.
Then he tells his mother dad is nuts.

I know he is getting upset with her but to make it about her is bad for me.

We were passing a carnival in town when she it all up about how cool it was.
My S16 says " oh wow it's so cool I can go there with my boyfriend"

Everything in the car got eerily silent after that.


W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21
33 years M 28
DD 3 Feb 11, 2014
S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
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Is your son in counseling? Ox, I have to be honest, I feel for you but there is a lot of dysfunction in your household. Your son needs to be supported, and right now you and your W have trouble doing that because you seem very focused on yourselves and your own drama.

He may have just said that to see how you would react/get some attention. Or maybe that is his way of opening up to you. And if he's gay? So what? How would the NEW, IMPROVED, NOT-CONTROLLING Ox respond?

Think on that one a lot. Do some reading. Your son needs you. This is a wonderful opportunity to take a step forward and step up like a mature, responsible, caring dad.


Me 38 H 40
D 3
T 8 M 6
BD 10/2013

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Originally Posted By: claire7
Is your son in counseling? Ox, I have to be honest, I feel for you but there is a lot of dysfunction in your household. Your son needs to be supported, and right now you and your W have trouble doing that because you seem very focused on yourselves and your own drama.

He may have just said that to see how you would react/get some attention. Or maybe that is his way of opening up to you. And if he's gay? So what? How would the NEW, IMPROVED, NOT-CONTROLLING Ox respond?

Think on that one a lot. Do some reading. Your son needs you. This is a wonderful opportunity to take a step forward and step up like a mature, responsible, caring dad.


NO NO NO NO....YOU ARE OVER THINKING WHAT HE SAID.
HE'S NOT TALKING ABOUT HIMSELF...HE WAS MOCKING HIS MOTHER, SHE WAS DRIVING THE CAR HE WAS SITTING NEXT TO HER ( oh I'm not yelling I'm laughing)


The thing is my son has had lots of counseling. He had a lot of anxiety issues starting at 9 years old. He is pretty much cured. Likely going to an IVY league or Tier -1 university.

His issues were the straw that broke the camels back in our marriage. My WW could not handle all the stress anymore, this OM promised to take her away from it all..

As an aside if either of my sons were gay it would have no effect on my relationship with them.


Last edited by Oxford1; 07/29/14 01:42 PM.
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Originally Posted By: unbidden
That's why FB recommends no mind reading and having no expectations. And ... You're still focusing on her .... and what kinds of kisses you're getting..... And on her .......


I guess it's just that I am trying to see where I stand...

Your right I need to focus on OX!


W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21
33 years M 28
DD 3 Feb 11, 2014
S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
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Posts: 505
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Oxford1 Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: JCred
You're getting there. Keep plugging along..
Don't worry, it's hard for most everyone to get their mind off of a situation like your situation. You will get there.

Find something you are passionate about that puts a hop in your step.
Learn to laugh. Laughter is a great medicine...


Call and set up another appointment with your Coach, Chuck.
He is an expert and TRAINED in these things. The rest of us are just rank amateurs compared to the experts. wink Get your advice from the experts. It will be money well spent. That's why Michelle is kind enough to have this site for us. Don't mistake the advice on here for Professional advice from an expert.

Chuck will set you up with a plan specifically for your situation and help to get you on track and keep you on track.

Make sure you keep reading DB and DR to go along with Chuck's advice.

Good luck....



Thanks for reminding me. I need to call and set up another appointment.
I am seeing my MC tonight. What's great about her is she seems to be on the same page with MWD and DB.

She also has done a lot to help me fix myself.

What I realize I sometimes do is post my thoughts, opinions and feelings, but these are not actually what is taking place in real life .

The great thing is I get the feedback on the forum and I am even better behaved the next time ( because I have blocked the thoughts).

Thanks


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Would this be considered Mind Reading or Focusing to much on WW:



WW was wearing our wedding band, first weekend OM was her no band.

I noticed last week it was back on.

Today I noticed it was home.

I assume she forgot to take it off and he saw it and gave her hell.

Would it be prudent to not ask why shes not wearing it?

Would it be Ok to ask once hes left and shes at home?


W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21
33 years M 28
DD 3 Feb 11, 2014
S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
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