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Well, it's time for updating my online dating profile! Here's my latest edit to this long standing piece of literary genius.

Screen name: Iamthewalrus58

About me:
Hey ladies, I'm a guy looking to fill an empty armchair in my living room. Channel surfing and Dorito munching is always better done with that special someone at your side. I'm also a fitness junkie and every evening I can be found doing endless sets of opening and closing the fridge door at break neck speeds. I like to alternate arms to increase flexibility. I usually try to add a little cardio to my workout by putting down the remote and changing the stations manually. Yet I'm not all about my body, I love those quiet walks to the garbage chute and making things happen for the environment by using the recycle bins. As you may have guessed already, I'm an avid nature lover and on weekends love to lie in bed all day listening to the birds chirp outside my window. As for my personality, my friends would describe me as a strong, independent minded, “do-it-yourself” kind of guy and they'll eagerly tell you how I once neutered my own dog. Spirituality is also an important part of my life and I can often be found just sitting in my car meditating to Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds. The apartment underground is where I like to go to get away from it all because travel should be a part of any well balanced lifestyle. When I’m not travelling I’m enjoying a smokin' social life. There are always people at my door, in fact, each week these really nice people called Jehovah Witnesses come by to visit me. We talk for hours and before they leave they're talking about coming back to visit me again. People just seem to be naturally drawn to me and I hope you will be too.

About you:
So, what am I looking for in a companion? Well, I'm always blown away by a lady who isn't at the best place in her life, who works only for the pay cheque, who hates travel with a passion, never goes to the gym and thinks Yoga is a light mid-afternoon snack. You’re a lady who’s proud to look and feel 55 when you’re actually 45...and you’re equally at ease with drinking yourself blotto in a formal evening dress or passing out in jeans on the living room floor. You also like to make yourself laugh (and won't lay that trip on me!) and you’re willing to wait for the afterlife to meet your “soul mate”. Watching the waves at the beach makes you nauseous and you don't give a crap whether I love your dog or not. You're comfortable in your own skin rather than expecting me to be in mine...and, in your dating profile, your friends have absolutely nothing to say about you at all. I’d also like to find that special lady who considers playing head games intellectually challenging and who can’t wait for me to message her photos of my package. If this sounds like you then please don’t contact me ‘cuz you’re obviously a guy and I don’t swing that way!



My favourite things include:

You naked,
Rob Ford watching,
Talking with the dead,
green sashimi with mayo,
Removing stop signs at intersections,
Watching sunsets on the cable station,
Shaving my dogs legs,
Doing the Frito Lays Detox,
Writing really stupid dating profiles,
Toilet Paper Roll collecting,
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
Hot, humid days,
Popping zits (mine or that special someone’s),
DQ hopping,
Touring Grow ops in my neighbourhood
and you naked.



My favourite song lyrics are:

Yellow mother custard, dripping from a dead dog's eye.
Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess,
Boy, you been a naughty girl you let your knickers down.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob.

My ideal first date:
You and I mooning strangers from the windows of my car and uploading the action to You Tube.

Message me.


Divorced February 27, 2012.

"Only by love is love awakened".~ Ellen G White
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Btw, D20 had an interview at a shoe store today. She felt it went well but she's going on one week vacation with her Mom and sister next week and she's afraid they might not wait for her. I texted her "If they want you, they'll wait" They did tell her that it wasn't a problem. We shall see.


Divorced February 27, 2012.

"Only by love is love awakened".~ Ellen G White
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From my favourite dating profile of the evening, "Massage me for more details" OMG, you just can't make this stuff up!


Divorced February 27, 2012.

"Only by love is love awakened".~ Ellen G White
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Maybe it wasn't a typo but just her not so subtle come on.

kat


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Nah, her profile was filled with typos...but her headline was Benefits Offered...hmmm.


Divorced February 27, 2012.

"Only by love is love awakened".~ Ellen G White
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Ok, sounds like there is nothing that these women put out there! Good luck wading through that!

kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
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Crazy people! smile

So, if D20 doesn't get the job is Voldy going to get all batsh!t crazy on her even though she is the one taking her away on vacation? It's very hard to apply for jobs when employers are told they have to wait for you to start. They expect immediate and constant availability.


T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!

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No Mish, Voldy is in a sane mood lately, [censored] happens lol...and we discussed this job interview and what D20 might say at our Sunday family meeting. D20 is supplying us with a schedule of where she plans to go for the week. So we shall see.
Kat, online dating is not for the faint hearted. I'm one of these weirdos who thinks you should be kind and respectful with the people you are dealing with but, honestly, you can't expect it from others. In the past I've had a few ladies who were very honest, upfront and sensitive when they weren't interested. I felt respected and that's nice. Much of the time they do some really wacko stuff. My favourite was the lady who grilled me online for a week, met me for coffee, agreed to see me again, and then posted on her profile that she was done with online dating 'cuz it's too hard to find good guys. Huh? She's back online but I'm not going there lol.
I think my best friend has the best philosophy on dating (and he's been online dating for about three years), he says "everybody's f*cked up, you just hope to find somebody who's f*cked up fits well with your f*cked up and then you'll live happily ever after" Very deep lol.


Divorced February 27, 2012.

"Only by love is love awakened".~ Ellen G White
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Correction, I shouldn't say "much" of the time. It happens not infrequently but often people just disappear or dick you around. I try to recognize that most people doing this are feeling very vulnerable and aren't really good at it. So they do what they do. But, that said, I did find a special relationship that lasted almost a year and a half. If I hadn't of waded through the chaffe, I wouldn't have had those memories. Anyway, that's my take on it.


Divorced February 27, 2012.

"Only by love is love awakened".~ Ellen G White
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Quote:
I think my best friend has the best philosophy on dating (and he's been online dating for about three years), he says "everybody's f*cked up, you just hope to find somebody who's f*cked up fits well with your f*cked up and then you'll live happily ever after" Very deep lol.


That sounds right to me!!!


T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!

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