Let It Go

[BklynMom]

You are right heather- hp has a plan.

And my girls are thriving. It's his loss.

Although my parents did not split up my father was not at all available while I grew up. We barely had a relationship. He got sober when I was 16 & today I have the greatest dad ever I would not be as positive today as I am without his guidance.

We don't know hp plan

[Matt165]

Hi Bklyn,
I would like to second what Heather said. Right now I'm dealing with the fact that I have watched my stbxW be an absent mom. She put our girls after everything else in her life and especially with the younger one, only seemed to yell at her as an interaction. She never went to school meetings, I had to pick her up from school every day and if I didn't come home from work every night, she would have been left alone until 8:00 or 9:00 almost every night. She never cooked meals, never had time or energy to talk or do things with her, etc.

Now she is moving and wanting her to stay with her at least 50% of the time. I am watching her change how she interacts with my D. Suddenly she is there for her and wants to talk and laugh. She gives her a phone when she wouldn't allow it for the last 2 years, gives her her time, never yells, etc. The thing is once my W is on her own and the demands of her life start weighing down on her, I know she will go back to being just like she was before. When she's with my D she says how she wants her to get to go to the school she wants to go to (very important to my D) but when our D isn't around she refuses to even consider it! When I ask her about what she plans on doing when she has to go away for work, she just tells me she will leave her with her "friends", something my D would never want! She hasn't even told her that she filed for D and is letting her believe that she is just trying to see if separation helps things.

I know that my W is lying to my D14. I know she is saying one thing to her and another when we talk. I know that my D is going to be hurt by just the fact that her parents are getting D. I must now have to worry about what will she feel when she finds out the truth and the truth is, right now my W will say anything she thinks our D wants to hear but will she really be able to come through when the reality of being a single parent with a D that needs her to be there hits her? The last 3 years tell me she won't. The fact that she says one thing to her and the opposite to me tells me the same.

You may very well end up glad that for now at least, your H is out of the picture. Your kids are where they need to be right now. With the sane acting, stable parent...YOU!

[BklynMom]

Thanks Matt - I know how it's all script but yet somehow still so shocking.

So painful to watch them mistreat our kids

[BklynMom]

Just thought I would post an update and journal a bit...

Life is good. My girls are amazing and I love being a mom. I feel so lucky.

This is the first weekend xh has had the girls since June 21. He has found excuses to give up his weekends. Its very sad.

But I have been the lucky one - able to spend that time with my girls. Its been an amazing summer thus far and now that my younger one is 4, it has been much easier to do stuff with them.

xh continues to constantly find ways to subtly say I am a b!$ch. He looks for excuses. He implies that I am a bad mom cause D4 has a paci at bedtime.

I used to let his little jabs get to me but I dont any more. He will always find something to make into a bad guy.

My life is fuller and richer then its ever been. I am doing very well at work and even doing more hobbies and work side projects in my free time.

I am a better friend and family member. More available and more engaged.

A family at my D5 school experienced a devastating tragedy this summer reminding me yet again how blessed we are for each and every day.

I still read these boards often. When I have pangs of "woe is me" - I always check my phone and read someones thread quickly. Helps me know I am not in this alone.

Also I always splurge on little treats for myself - like coffee or chocolate when I have a flash of sadness.

I also dont drink any more which I think has really been an amazing overall mood enhancer. When I rarely have 1 drink in the evening I feel it when I wake up and wonder how I was regularing drinking 2-3 glasses a night.

I love you all

and I love myself

[LoisB]

I LOVE YOU TOO BK!! :-)

D11 had two pacifiers (she called them "bots") until 4. No big. She was comforted by them.

[Georgiabelle]

BK,

You sound wonderful. I'm glad you are enjoying your girls and having a fantastic summer. They are lucky to have such a great mom:-)

Yes, indulge in a little coffee or chocolate. Or try some chocolate covered espresso beans. Divine!

Sending you a hug. Keep up the good living!

[BklynMom]

Just wanted to write about pick up last weekend cause it is still gnawing at me

Picked up girls last Sunday from h new apartment with his girlfriend. Guess what she was down stairs. I tried to smile and be normal but my eyes were like daggers at her.

It's kind of bull that he brought her downstairs without giving me a heads up. I do want to improve my relationship with them but she contributed to the breakup of my marriage. She contributed to my kids having to shuttle back and forth between two homes. Seriously I hate her.

Both of the acting like I was somehow super b!tchy because I couldn't look at her without giving her the evil eye was such a mind f#ck.

Why am I portrayed to be the crazy b

It hurts my feelings.

If I were crazy I would act all real housewife on them but instead I tried to hide it but my eyes couldn't. It hurt so much to see that little hooker and for her to act like she did nothing wrong.

All my recovery and the pealing of my shell had made me accept that I am a sensitive person. Communication is 90% nonverbal and I am very sensitive to that

[wishing, hoping]

BK I am with you. I have to see OW in my sitch all the time too. She acts like she did nothing wrong and neither one can understand why I am upset. Why can't we all be friends. No chance in he!!

I told my X there is no way we will ever be friends. Expect civility and nothing more. He looked at me like my face had gone green.

Hang in there.

WH

[Valeska19]

Because if you are not crazy - what's his excuse? WAS need constant fuel to their fire somehow.


Let them think what they want... but let it go. And I don't mean let go of what happened and shrug it off.. I mean let go of the hope that your H is going to perceive you differently than how he does currently....

.. because the only person who can change that perspective is himself.

((( )))

[LoisB]

Why am I portrayed to be the crazy b?

You already know the answer to this question my friend. :-)

Take two steps back and consider the source.

Brook, who are these two people really? I don't care how shiny and new and whatever she is...she felt she had to break up someone's marriage in order to create her own life with this man. In MY WORLD VIEW, that's the definition of a crazy B.

That's not who you are Brook.

Look at them honestly. Not the image they convey...but, the reality. How much time has this man spent with his daughters? How often does he put their needs first on his list of priorities?

Ask yourself these questions:

Is he someone who has his priorities aligned?

Is she someone you would choose to be friends with if you weren't the LBS?

I'm sure he has some good qualities...but, for the person YOU ARE TODAY...is he someone you would choose to be with FOREVER? Someone who has done the things he has done?

Consider the source Brook. These two people are leading such a shallow existence, beating you up is how they choose to spend their time? Is that the mark of a healthy relationship? One built on the destruction of another person/another family/a hotbed of lies and dishonesty.

Alcoholics project Brook. Get into your Invisible plane Wonder Woman and allow the crappola to ricochet off the sides. It's not your shame to carry...it's their's.