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Mat Offline
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Is he there yet! Be strong I am sending you vibes right now!


M:37
W:38
No kids
Together since 2006, Married since 2010
EA discovered 06/07/2014
W moved out 06/08/2014
Mat #2473041 07/27/14 08:37 PM
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Maybell Offline OP
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He just left.

We smiled at each other. Not like it used to be, but warmly.

He gave me a REAL HUG before he left and moved to give me another as he was walking out the door but stopped himself.

He complimented me on the work I've done to the house and said he hoped I'd had a nice time at home.

I complimented him on his shirt and for giving S8 meds for the carsickness.

Probably the best interaction I've had with him since he moved out.

Thoughts??

Last edited by Maybell; 07/27/14 08:37 PM.

Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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Maybell Offline OP
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Oh, and when he complimented me on the house I said I had hoped to do more but I was out with people so much that there was only so much I could fit in. wink


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,428
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Woo hoo! (I mean, it's probably too early to start planning your recommitment ceremony, but you can feel good about how it went, right?)


Me 38 H 40
D 3
T 8 M 6
BD 10/2013

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Maybell Offline OP
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Lol!

I feel good. It felt really good to hold his body properly, even just for a moment.

I'm starting to look at this just a bit differently. My minimum quality, worst case scenario goal is that we have a warm co-parenting relationship if we end up divorced. My D is moving into adolescence and her dad and I will need to be cooperative to help her navigate that, as well as my boys in their turn. So worst case scenario, I would like us to be close enough friends to do that.

My hope is that as our friendship grows warmer and we open to one another more, that we will rediscover that wavelength that made us so close. Even just that much would be more than we've had in years.

The next step after that is can't keep our hands off each other. wink

So. I had a goal of smiling warmly at him is week. Mission accomplished -- need to replace it we another goal. We tentatively agreed to have dinner later this week because we're both traveling next week and if we don't get the kids with him it will be two weeks before they see him again. So I need to make a goal for this week, but I'm not sure what it will be because I don't know if I will be included for dinner.

In the meantime, my goal for myself is to be more conscientious about treating myself healthfully by preparing actual meals with lots and lots of produce. Also, getting to yoga this coming week.

Last edited by Maybell; 07/27/14 09:10 PM.

Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 131
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Mat Offline
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nice - especially the last part! Looks like the wheels are starting to turn in his head.

I wouldn't venture a guess that it means he's thinking of reconciling. I would need more experience than I have. But here's what I think is pretty much in the bank at this point. You cannot have clearer proof that should you remain separate, a civil, constructive and even warm relationship is perfectly attainable. You would be able to effectively co-parent with him, and do what's best for the kids.

Now if you stop and think about that: even if it's not the dream scenario, wouldn't it be an amazing achievement? It would leave plenty of room for you to build a happy life for yourself.

And consider this: in spite of what I've just said, the "dream" scenario is still possible.

I know you've been a bit ambivalent about what you really want for the future with him. But I just wanted to suggest that you sit back and enjoy this success. You've worked hard, and you're doing well. You absolutely will be ok no matter what. So if there's a bottle of wine or chocolate or ice cream lying around have a little treat. You've really earned this. You did it.

And tomorrow it all starts again, but you'll deal with it like you've done before, with grace and for the good of your family.

Well done!


M:37
W:38
No kids
Together since 2006, Married since 2010
EA discovered 06/07/2014
W moved out 06/08/2014
Mat #2473049 07/27/14 09:11 PM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,500
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Maybell Offline OP
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Mat, great minds. wink


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
Mat #2473050 07/27/14 09:12 PM
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Mat Offline
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Ha- my reply crossed yours, it's funny how we've read each other's minds! But you're more clever than I am; in your mind the acceptable scenario can set the stage for the dream scenario subsequently. Sounds like a good plan!

Last edited by Mat; 07/27/14 09:13 PM.

M:37
W:38
No kids
Together since 2006, Married since 2010
EA discovered 06/07/2014
W moved out 06/08/2014
Mat #2473063 07/27/14 09:48 PM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,680
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Happy dance for you Maybell. Cheers, you have done so well and are such an example for everyone.

Hoping to hear some more positives in the next 2 weeks


M 31 H 34
S 6 S 9
BD 2/14 Piecing 8/14
T384 #2473064 07/27/14 09:55 PM
Joined: Mar 2014
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mdu Offline
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Good stuff Maybell!


M: 42
H: 43
M: 8 years
S7 and D4
H has D19 and S25 from previous M
Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA
1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail
2nd separation: 5/1/14
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