Perfect, Labug. Thank you for thinking of. I'm keeping that, it's exactly where I've been going wrong.
Today I: took a salt bath, got a haircut, chatted (and listened) very openly with my brother, took a walk, and made myself an actual nutritious meal.
I don't know why I don't do most of those things every day.
Realized this is the second time in 11 years that I've been completely alone and not moving house. The first time was a couple of weeks ago when my H had the kids for the first time at his place. No wonder I've been so ungrounded.
Thank you for your wisdom and patience.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
H texted pics of the kids and I was able to be friendly. Go me!!!
FIL took phone from S8 twice to talk to me and I was able to be friendly and light. Go me!!
H chatted briefly and I offered dinner for their return evening, as he had done for me when I came home with the kids, and he said he might not be able to because of work (he'll have been gone a week by then) but specifically said that it wasn't because he didn't want to. And I was light and friendly and it was fine. Go me!!!
So, returning to my goals from DR today: 1. Have a fun interaction with H in the next month -- on his invitation. 2. Smile at him for no reason. Can do that Sunday. 3. Have a five minute conversation NOT about the kids or us or anything else, just light and friendly. Timeframe: Uncertain.
So. Day 1 of the next phase of strong Maybell. Go me!!!!
Now I'm off to GAL. Lovely evening, all!
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
It sounds like you had a good day, and you've got some great goals - specific, but also things that you have a great deal of control over, which is fantastic.
I know you've said that you feel like you're moving into another phase and that it's difficult, but you're off to a really strong start.
Hope you have a wonderful evening!
M - 34 H - 36 Together 10 years Married 4 years BD - March, 2014
Ladies night last night with friends who aren't the closest. One of them didn't even know about the separation. Turns out two of them were unicorns -- people who'd had affairs, left their husbands, and then come back, rebuilt the marriages, and gone on to have happy relationships. Both are more than ten years out from the separation and I've seen them as a couple in my own house! So... Reconciliation can work. It may have already worked more than once in your own circle. You just never know what others go through.
Interestingly, the one with the more severe situation said that although she was gone six months, she feels like she'd come back too soon. She'd left because she had her own garbage to work through and she came back because she missed her husband so much, but she wasn't done with her crap and it was really rocky for a while. He had done some affair busting but it appears that wasn't a factor for her. She just missed him. They didn't have kids at the time, now they have two. I asked if they were happy now and she said yes, but that other factors made their marriage challenging. But having gone through that they are more committed to figuring it out. Also, she repeatedly called herself "the bad person" in a way that was both light and honest, so she was taking responsibility for her behavior but not beating herself up about it.
You can't know what it meant to me to hear these two stories.
Also, during the evening I got a text from a friend that his (attractive male) cousin was in town and I should come down and have drinks with them. I met the cousin last fall at a dinner my husband didn't attend. It was nice to be remembered. Also sobering, because it was tempting to flirt and if I hadn't already been at the porch party I might have gone down and fed my ego. Note to self... My ego should be ok without that kind of temptation.
I can't say my life isn't interesting to me...
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Wow. It sounds like your night was just what you needed! I love so many parts of your story...How great to have met people who'd repaired their marriages after affairs....How great to be remembered - and how really terrific of you to have the strength in yourself to say, "It's nice, but I don't need it."
