mdu, are you a woman of faith? It really helped me in my sitch, at my darkest moments, to realize that NOTHING is impossible with the Big Guy upstairs. That whole "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not to your own understanding" thing.
It's the "my own understanding" that would look either really really good, or really really doomed from day to day and even moment to moment. I tried not to walk by those circumstances, but rather by my faith.
Not sure if that might help you. I found great comfort in the Psalms (for comfort) and maybe one of the Proverbs (for wisdom) each morning.
Unfortunately I am not Starsky. But I have been wondering if now may be the time to revisit that.
Right now I'm leaning most on the fact that my brother is coming tonight. He and his wife are funny and fun and have been a huge source of support throughout this. I know I can make it through the next few days with them here. Then I have lots of GAL plans next week, volunteering, night out with a friend and camping next weekend with the kids and another friend. GAL definitely helps get me through.
Hopefully all of that will help get me closer to the time when the anti-depressants kick in.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Unfortunately I am not Starsky. But I have been wondering if now may be the time to revisit that.
Only you can tell when the time is right, mdu. But please don't feel like you have to "clean up your life" and then turn to God if you do, cuz that's backwards. Sort of like "I need to lose some weight before I go to that AA meeting," lol. God likes us broken and heartfelt, and then He will HELP us clean up and strengthen up.
So interestingly, H sent me an innocuous text about a breakfast place he loves. I replied and we had some light text chit chat. I asked a question about work --- but not OW. It's really crazy how our sitch has unfolded. OW moved to his office literally the EXACT same week that H started a much bigger role at the company (because of someone leaving, someone who he used to butt heads with all the time so this is a HUGE opportunity for him, he's basically taking over a whole department). I don't think there's any correlation between the OW moving and H's role change/expansion as his change came up pretty suddenly. Anyway, I asked him how his first week in the new role is going and he said really crazy but he's muddling through.
So now I'm a bit doubtful that there's any relationship between H reaching out and me going dim/GAL, etc. I've been an utter mess and here he is trying to reach out to me again.
Feeling even more glad that family is coming to distract me from everything this weekend.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
It is heartening to see that you've moved into the supportive wife role in regard to H's new role in the company. Good job!
Your light text chit chat is good because it leaves a positive feeling in H's mind. Keep it up! I think going dark this week has been very good (although you could argue that it hasn't been good for your PMA) because, in H's mind, you are showing him respect by giving him space to get used to the new role and adjusting to the notion that the OW is in the office.
Know what? My gut instinct is screaming that H is paying NO heed to the OW at the office and is keeping himself really busy with his new responsibilities. Watch me...I'll be proven right in due course.
Glad to hear that you'll be spending time with your brother this weekend...a nice distraction from your own naval gazing activities.
I've missed you! My PMA just took a little jump! :-)
I think it's plausible that H might be totally focused on his new responsibilities, keeping heads down away from OW. Of course, there are many, many other (less fortunate) possibilities. (I know, I need to work on that pessimism). I also think he's probably crapping himself wondering when I'm going to ask about it. Actually, more like he's probably steeling himself wondering when I'm going to go off about HER..
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Know what? My gut instinct is screaming that H is paying NO heed to the OW at the office and is keeping himself really busy with his new responsibilities. Watch me...I'll be proven right in due course.
Ok, so I believe my job, more than ever, is to be patient, STFU and GAL. Give him some time/space to sort this sitch with OW in the office out. Show him that I can keep my cool, not hound him and just live my life. Also, gives me some time for the meds to kick in and get a few IC appts in so if and when we do discuss things again, I'm in a stronger place ;-)
Yes? Do we all agree?
I always like a good plan.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
