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Have you promised the kids something for tomorrow night, or made any other previously announced plans?


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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shodan Offline OP
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I discovered the A on Sunday, when she was here in Boston. This is when I found the text messages. She of course denied it and I just tried to believe her. She then left for NYC on Sunday afternoon. I really figured it out on Monday morning, which is when I texted her that I knew who SG was. So I have not seen her since Sunday. She gets back tomorrow.

The kids asked if we could do a dinner out Saturday night, so I am planning to keep that promise.

Under the Plan A assumption, I would have booked a yoga class for us to go to when she gets in tomorrow and then made a res at a restaurant for the four of us. On Sunday, we probably would just chill, maybe get some coffee/breakfast with the kids and do whatever came to mind. What I don't want to do is get in a competition with her to see who can "be the better parent and not involve the other."


Me: 40, W: 40
M: 15, T: 18
D - 10, S - 7
D announcement 6/7/2014
A discovered 7/20/2014 (but denied by W)
Still living together and sharing same bed
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What time does she get back tomorrow?


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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shodan Offline OP
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she lands at 230pm or so, and then comes home and goes to a 4pm yoga class.


Me: 40, W: 40
M: 15, T: 18
D - 10, S - 7
D announcement 6/7/2014
A discovered 7/20/2014 (but denied by W)
Still living together and sharing same bed
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OK. I was going to suggest leaving her with the kids this afternoon before your family dinner plans, but that's not feasible.

I would be busy doing something manly around the house or yard when she got back. (Are you picking her up at airport or does she have her own car?).

Be upbeat, but not syrupy sweet. Confident, "I'm gonna be okay" is what you want to project, but with "something missing" from the flower-leaving, foot-rubbing guy she left last weekend.

Then I'd do an early dinner with the family, get home and get the kids to bed, CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES (including new shoes -- trust me on this, WOMEN NOTICE SHOES!)/PUT ON DIFFERENT COLOGNE, and tell her the "I'm going out for a bit; I won't be late" thing.

And then don't be.


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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^^^ This is going to feel very strange and backwards to do.

But it's smart.


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shodan Offline OP
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She will come home on her own in her car and then rush off to yoga. So yeah, I probably will be out with the kids or maybe playing with them in the yard.

I did plan to do something sat night when we get back from dinner.


Me: 40, W: 40
M: 15, T: 18
D - 10, S - 7
D announcement 6/7/2014
A discovered 7/20/2014 (but denied by W)
Still living together and sharing same bed
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
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Excellent.

Seriously, buy some new shoes and maybe get a haircut and some new cologne. Women notice that chit. cool


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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If she tries to engage you this weekend (and she WILL!!) about "where your head is at," "what you're thinking," "what you're planning to do," tell her:

"Not sure yet. This isn't what I would have wished for, but I do know also that I'll be okay. We both still have a lot of decisions to make." (or similar)

If she presses you specifically on whether or not you've talked to a lawyer, say "Considering what's just happened, do you REALLY think I owe you any explanations right now? Really?" -- and then don't answer her.

Same answer if she pushes you about where you're going/where you were tonite.

If she tries to deny her affair, or -- probably more likely -- "trickle truth" you, say:

"Just stop it -- we both know you're lying to me right now. I know all about you and SG, and I'll say this once and ONLY once: IT NEEDS TO STOP. It's incredibly disrespectful to not only me and our marriage, but to our FAMILY." If she continue to lie to your face, end the conversation.

If she asks you who you've TOLD (and she will!!!), say "I'm not getting into that. I will do what I need to do to get the support and counsel I need from people I trust. I suspect you'll do the same." Maybe add a "I will say this, tho -- I'm not going to lie to cover up your affair."


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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Remember, she's had ALL WEEK to get her story straight, and to plan how SHE is going to face you this weekend and what she's going to say.

I think you'd be wise to expect an Academy Award-winning performance. cool

It's also likely that she may have already done some "spin"/damage control with her own family, to preempt you.


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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