FROM JOB WR, I think your h is a lot like Bea's h. He can't let you go and he doesn't care what he has to do to keep you wrapped up in his drama.
I would have a nice chat w/my lawyer and I would advise him/her, that enough is enough and let's get this stuff in writing so that he doesn't continue to come back w/the same BS. All he thinks he's doing is paying you for support, not for his sons. Your sons don't fit into his sick equation at all.
I don't think I could be upset by this latest stuff...more like I would be furious w/him. You've tried being pleasant and civil w/him and yet, he still is snapping at your feet. More distance is required on this front and this may explain his comments about seeing his son whenever his son wants to and also he would get first dibs on his son's time.
I do understand your position and that's why you need to call h is bluff on this and go to court. It might make he realize that he can't control you or your life any longer. One quick question, why wasn't this letter sent to your lawyer or did your lawyer receive a copy of the letter too?
In the meantime, please try to take care of yourself. Monday will be here before you know it and then you'll have some answers then. (sorry Job they locked my previous thread before I could answer)
He's never going to let me go, I'll always be "his", even if he won't admit it to himself. It's the way of our relationship. I did send him a happy birthday message on Wednesday, he responded with a thank you, and then later that night got a cold (he had been starting off with a "Hi W" and ending with a "thank you" or something) that he was picking up the boys for dinner the next night....I said "sounds great. thanks for letting me know. Hope you have something nice planned for tonight" no response. Not really surprising as he's angry again. Picked up the boys for dinner and was back within two hours. S19 mentioned that during dinner H said he was taking S14 camping (next weekend is a long weekend here) with SIL#2 Haven't heard anything about this from H though.
S19 also mentioned that when H had S14 last weekend (I guess S14 was saying his brother was helping him with stuff) H said to tell S19 it's not for him to help him with stuff and that he's not a role model (or something to that affect) I told S19 to continue to help his brother where he could and if he can't to ask for help and if his dad has a problem with it too bad.
I've had a rather bad disgagreement with S19 this week, and because of it an argument with my parents and one of my BIL's, so I'm kinda really low. Sad. Can't seem to get my head back in the game......
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
Low today. Stressed about what my L is going to say tomorrow about H getting a lower paying job. Had S 14's (now 15) bday party last night. Some of the kids slept over. Trying to clean up and get some laundry done but I feel like I've got the beginning stages of the flu.
I really hate H today. He such a selfish pri(k
Hope you're all having a wonderful Mother's Day though.
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
WR, I know you are stressing over what you'll find out tomorrow, but worrying about it is only making you more anxious and possibly ill. I'm sorry you aren't feel the best today and I do hope you'll be feeling better soon.
Did your son enjoy his party? I'm sure the kids had a great time.
Please try to enjoy your Mother's Day today.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I was so sick through mother's day....end up with a full on flu by the end of the night.
Went and saw my L today. At the end of our meeting she said that H does not seem to know what he's doing and his L is feeding off of that and may not be too bright himself. She said by this point she would have normally called opposing counsel and had a WTH type conversation with them but doesn't think it would do any good.
I need to search job posting proving that H should be making a heck of a lot more money. We're also going to have to probe that he deliberately created a situation that got him (or going to get him) fired before he quit. I said that H is a lot of things but always has been an excellent worker and has worked full time since the age of 15. He hasn't made this little money in many years (I've also pulled previous tax returns showing H's income). She said we appear to have two problems
1) he simply does not want to pay me the money and will keep going to not have to 2) he does not like the fact that the mortgage payments he made (from the time he left in April until August when he stopped paying any money) I do not want considered as spousal It was money paid toward family debt just as I paid money towards HIS visa (also considered family debt) but he would get to claim his portion as a wright off on his taxes and I get to claim it as income. That and it will lessen the length of time at the end making his payments less.
He's going to try and take me to court, by the end of may, to get a temporary order of no support as he's experiencing financial hardship She doesn't think the courts will accept it as it is an interim court order and they don't like to mess around with interim orders....but, you never know.
Still at a loss....he's making this crazy. Even my L is at a loss
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
I'm here for a little update as I've been away (as you can see) for a while. I see so many new names, and similar stories, and it breaks my heart to see you all in so much pain......it can suck big time. BUT, if you do the work, you can laugh again.
H and I are in the middle of going through the separation agreement for finalization. About 6 weeks ago he said he didn't want to use L's anymore and that he was on the verge of bankruptcy. He's got Revenue Canada, his own L and two different cc after him with no way of paying. He's, reluctantly, agreed to give me what I'd been asking for so that I can assume the mortgage and pay him, and his bills, out. I agreed to help him by constructing an email and phone calls (which I secretly recorded as he has a tendancy to "forget" and twist the truth) as his name is on my house and I need him to hold off on bankruptcy until I can assume it. Through our conversations I've thrown a lot of truth darts his way (that the he's in this mess as a conseuqence to his actions, that his boys don't really engage as I warned him from the moment he left they were angry, and many more.....I'm kinda done being the punching bag). As he's getting a settlement I said we should move forward with the D at the same time (I won't pay for the D but neither will I be like his sister where I'm still separated 13 years later with a child from my new fiance) ..... panic mode has set in for him now. I got "Why are you in such a rush for D....you find someone" then I got the "you're pushing for D but you want me to pay for it" I didn't respond to his boyfriend text (I would not dignify such a dumb comment) but when he made that second statement we were on the phone I said "why wouldn't we move forward? because you're planning on coming back? because I want you back? NO so let's not drag this out!" in the end I managed to get a date from him that he would have the money and filings done....December 31, 2014 (happy new year's) and it is now part of the agreement. For those of you that know my stitch H wants his tools, camping gear and fishing gear (pretty much all he's walked away with) 2 weeks ago I asked if he was coming to get it and he wants to know if I'm in a rush to see it gone. UGGGG I said you seemed to want it and it was a good time to grab it....he didn't have time. I know that this stuff will be here for a while. It's his way of keeping one foot in the door.
Boys are doing ok. Still have ups and downs, I am a single mom of two teenage boys so there are days I wish you could eat your young . S19 did the Ride to Conquer Cancer (a 2 day bike ride which he raised $2800 for cancer research) His finish line was about 20 minutes from H's new house and he never showed either day. It was Father's Day weekend. S19 and I got into a big fight that night and then he said something and I understood what we were really fighting about....H never showed. He told me that crossing the line sucked, he didn't need a dad, that watching all those other dads with their kids and the signs. He proceeded to sob in my arms for 20 minutes. I told him that he does need a dad and that it's not fair and how sorry I was. I talked to H a few days later and he made a comment about something and I tore a strip off of him....I told him how his 6'3" 200lbs son sobbed in his mother's arms because of HIM. I said WHERE WERE YOU!?!?!? It makes me want to cry just typing this.....H has told S19 he would ride with him next year (this was S19's third year and his first H did it with him).....we'll see what happens next year. S15 has spent a few weekends with H now. It seems to go OK. Why wouldn't it? Dad's house is easy they go on hikes and out to eat every meal. H did fix S15's bike (he came one day after work and picked it up, which is 90 minutes round trip, so it was nice) .
I've started dating here and there. Just a few dates, nothing more than one - two dates
Hope you're all well....thanks for listening
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
WR, I'm very glad to come here and see that you've posted an update. Geesh, your h still doesn't get it...does he honestly think that you would sit there for a number years and then opt to divorce? The destruction that he's created is still going on and you have to wonder sometimes what he's thinking.
Any way, I'm glad you are finally getting your mortgage and financials ironed out. Be sure he understands fully what he's signing and that here's no coming back later and wanting more from you. As for his tools, etc., at some point you'll have to give him a deadline...but if the filings aren't done until the end of this year, you've got plenty of time for him to pick his stuff up. However, once you are divorced, I'd have him pick his stuff up or haul it to a storage facility and pay the first month's rent and give him the key and wave ta ta and go on about your merry way. You've given him ample time to come get the stuff he's been crying the blues about for a long time.
Congratulations to your son for his bike ride and the money he earned for cancer research. You have to be so proud of him. I'm sorry his father was a putz and didn't come out to support him. Your h has missed out on so much that can't be replayed at a later date. Sounds like your younger son is finally starting to feel comfortable being around his father. I hope that they can continue to bond.
I'm also glad to see that you are starting to heal and are going out. You need some time to yourself and explore the world to see what is out there waiting for you.
Please take care of yourself and know that we are here to support you any way that we can.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
. S19 did the Ride to Conquer Cancer (a 2 day bike ride which he raised $2800 for cancer research) His finish line was about 20 minutes from H's new house and he never showed either day. It was Father's Day weekend. S19 and I got into a big fight that night and then he said something and I understood what we were really fighting about....H never showed. He told me that crossing the line sucked, he didn't need a dad, that watching all those other dads with their kids and the signs. He proceeded to sob in my arms for 20 minutes. I told him that he does need a dad and that it's not fair and how sorry I was. I talked to H a few days later and he made a comment about something and I tore a strip off of him....I told him how his 6'3" 200lbs son sobbed in his mother's arms because of HIM. I said WHERE WERE YOU!?!?!? It makes me want to cry just typing this.....H has told S19 he would ride with him next year (this was S19's third year and his first H did it with him).....we'll see what happens next year.