I know Brooklynmom used Let it Go as a thread title. I thought of that several times on each of my 10 hour drives last week on vacation. S is obsessed with Frozen and we rolled down the windows and belted out Let it Go about 50 times.
I have understood letting go intellectually for a while but I think I finally get it. I exist outside his influence. H looks at me with contempt and it doesn't bother me. He makes a comment about my parenting and I let it roll off my back. He lies about going on a vacation with OW and I don't care.
I realize that the fact that I am even mentioning these things means I do care....
In other news. S was EXCELLENT on our vacation. There were a few incidents but they were all at times where he was completely over stimulated. He did great in the car. Unfortunately when we got back he had a tantrum and threw a rock at my car and shattered the side window.
Deep breaths.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
I'm glad you had a nice trip and I know that suxx about the window. Welcome back!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
My house is utter chaos. Got back from vacation and spent all day Monday cleaning up from 3 days of H the older boys and the dogs. Now 3 days later h has set off another grenade. There is literally trash and food on the floor in the kitchen. I can't see the counter top through the spills and scraps. It is disgusting.
S can not function in this chaos. I can not function in this chaos. Any tops on getting h to clean up after himself if he wants to continue living here?
Ss15 said something interesting. He said "how is dad going to survive when he moves out. He can't take care of himself. " this was after he told me that h fell asleep on sofa after putting something in oven and they couldn't wake him up when the kitchen was filling with smoke.
The other thing that h keeps harping on is that I am a horrible person and letting my dog suffer. This comes from the woman who dog sat last week. She is a nurse so to him her word is gospel. She said my dog should be "put down". I was horrified that h thinks that about a dog who is eating fine and still loves walking cuddling etc. H said he stopped eating and scoffed when I said he would start eating just fine when I got back from vacation. Which he did. I made a vet appt buy I don't get how he can be so heartless. Ok I do get it but it makes me mad.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
I'm sorry you came home to a mess. Your ss sound like really cool kids so that's a huge bonus.
In regards, to getting your h to clean up after himself, I don't have any solid advice. I do think you should tell the boys to pick up after themselves as they probably see h make a mess and have no incentive to clean up-just following Dad. You could say a simple "h, I would appreciate it if you wiped up a spill and put your dishes on the dishwasher." And leave it at that. Can't say he will follow through.
In regards to the dog, a "H, I appreciate your concern about Fluff. I will make that decision when it's time." End of story.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 07/24/1403:05 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Just found out our account is overdrawn. Do not get paid for another week. He has taken 2 vacations in the past month. He will not discuss budget with me. As soon as I get paid I will be transferring it all to, my private account and only leaving enough for my share of shares expenses.
I detailed shared expenses (rent/utility/cell/s and pet expences) I divided in half. He will not be able to cover his half as well as his personal expenses including child support. How should I proceed? Should I offer to cover a larger percentage? Attny said I should not make it look like I am willingly supporting him.
I emailed him a copy of my budget. Does anyone think that was wrong? He never checks his email? Is it wrong to ask him to contribute if he still wants to live here? How can I work this out with someone who won't talk to me? There is no reason my account should be overdrawn. I can't let this happen again.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
This is just my very humble opinion, however, I feel strongly about financial matters. It is so very important that you protect you and the kids. Please know that I am not trying to be hurtful regarding this. Your h is vacationing with OW and is not pulling his share. Even if you agreed to live like roommates, your H is responsible for his half. Why should you cover more for someone who disrespects you and is verbally abusive now? That just doesn't sound *right* to me.
Just my 2 cents....
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 07/25/1401:25 AM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I agree with you GB. I just don't know how to make it happen. I will move my money when I get paid ( nothing left now) so he cannot touch it. I have no doubt however that I will be continuing to cover all household expenses while he "plays" with his money.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Hi Julie, Before my W left, she stopped putting her check into our joint account that ALL the bills were paid from. She refused to pay the bills saying that was my job and DIDN'T TELL ME SHE STOPPED PUTTING HER CHECK IN. We ended up several hundred $ over drawn and when I found out she couldn't tell me why she didn't just tell me that the money wasn't there. Apparently I should have read her mind. That was also the day she said that she would no longer being putting any money into our joint account, knowing I didn't get paid regularly. She said even though she was at fault, she wouldn't be helping me at all until I could get paid again, not even gas for getting to work, nor would she at least put enough in to cover the amount that was overdrawn! This from the woman who didn't work for 15 years and I never once considered my pay anything but our money. She didn't care that she not only left me with NO money but hundreds in the hole! All while she was buying new dresses and shoes and bathing suits, etc. All while still living at home!
The MLCer just doesn't care. They see us as a drag on their happiness. Now that she has moved out she is still doing this, refusing to pay the cost of getting her phone removed from our family plan and upgrading which showed up on my bill since she did it BEFORE changing to her own plan. That's $100 she is much better able to pay but still refuses to do so! Protect yourself. Separate your money before he destroys your finances!
You know your H needs to pay his share of the bills while living in the house, roommates pay half! I assume your H is working so he has the money to pay his share. Not sure how to get him to pay, you will need to try to force this issue or pay all the bills yourself or ask him to leave. None of these options are good, but something has to happen.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
