Chapter 2: Letting Go

[juliegayle]

Ss 15, s, and I are obsessed with Frozen as well. For s it actually the first movie he has been really into. He has a little crush on Anna.

[Shining]

Interesting about you s and the movie Frozen...

I actually compared the movie plot to MLC (because, what else besides H did I think about before DB and this board?)

I compared Elsa to MLC-H, hiding his true insides, fearing that he couldn't "feel" how he truly felt without facing humiliation.... Then the escape to the mountains. That I compared to replay, she creates this fantasy ice castle, thinks she can now be happy but isn't, pushes everyone away. After she sheds her old self, she returns, yet there is still repair work to be done. She now must show her love to her LBSister, blah, blah, blah

I know it's crazy. (I LOVE crazy. Lol). But it was on the DVD so many times and since my head was spinning... Well, that's how my brain works.

Needless to say, H didn't understand the movie. Lol...

[juliegayle]

Interesting. I saw myself as Elsa. Having to hide my true self. As a child I was very concious about not acting like my mother because she was "crazy". They said manic-depression at the time. Today she would be diagnosed bipolar. (H is diagnosed by bipolar btw. Add in alcoholism. .. not a good mix)

Anyway .. back to my term paper.

So Elsa represents the little girl who is afraid to let our her crazy silly fun side and becomes an obsessive compulsive ( gloves). But can't hide forever and when people see the real her it is just like she expected. Having a child released me. I am always dancing and singing with him. That was ok with h but if I got too silly he would say I was turning into my mom. Ss15 and I made a fun video a few months back and we're rolling on the floor laughing. H was disgusted.

So as Elsa learned her true potential and then needed to learn how to control it and integrate it into her everyday life... so did I let out the true me and continue to explore and get to know who that really is. In my version... all the other characters are just there for entertainment purposes. (Hmm mm just realized that it is all about me)


All that to highlight that our inner world really does influence the outer world. Who is to say that my reality is better than someone else's reality. I really try to remember this when dealing with h. Except when he is super mean. Then I don't deal with him at all. I tune him out, or walk away. (Most of the time)

H hates Frozen because of all the singing. I have always loved musicals and often said I wish the world was a musical and everyone would simultaneously break into song. H used to think that was adorable. Now of course... not so much.

[juliegayle]

H noticed me limping and asked what was wrong with my knee. I told him strain or twist or something. And since he started the conversation I asked if he thought I should use heat or ice.

He said "I don't think you should use anything because I don't give a sh!t about your knee. I think you should just chop your leg off."

Heather- would you put that in the threat category?

I am trying to see when/how what to do to document his behavior so I have something to turn to when it is time to discuss arrangements for s.

[Shining]

Perhaps you could ask H if he has a headache....

[Shining]

Personally, I would document everything. Sometimes it isn't necessarily one individual act or comment that tips the scales, but the pattern of aggression or abuse that has been established.

[LoisB]

I think Shining has the right idea. :-)

Um...yep, I would consider that deeply, terribly, horribly inappropriate and abusive.

Julie,

Google domestic violence laws in your state. I know that in Ohio, if there is any threat of violence uttered in the house, the person uttering the threat can/will be taken in and jailed. Look up what qualifies for domestic violence.

At the very least, his behavior is abusive, obnoxious and adolescent...a firm boundary needs to be set...especially if he is doing this in front of your kids. No one needs to live with this type of verbal abuse.

Think about what boundaries needs set. Gather your support around you and think carefully about how you can enforce your boundaries.

[Georgiabelle]

Julie,

I'm sorry your knee is bothering you and your h is being a mega tool. Document everything!!!! I have a feeling that your h thinks he is untouchable- that he can do exactly as he pleases.

Sending you a hug!

[Lifes Twists]

Keep a diary of what he says, any hand gestures,your perception of what he said and if at any time you felt threatened. If you have all that then it can be used in the court process. I can attest to the fact that feelings and perceptions can carry weight even if they are false.

[juliegayle]

Thanks ladies. When he talks like that I let it go in one ear and out the other. I have thought it was healthy detachment but maybe it is the opposite. Maybe I have gotten so used to the verbal abuse this past year I just accept it. Not sure.

I document everything in a journal and write some stuff on here as back up documentation. I have nothing official though