H's MLC #3

[2BHappy]

Matt, the detachement started out to save my sanity, and to give H the space he needed as he goes thru "this". It turned into me seeing changes I needed to make to be a better me. I know I will be OK with or without my H, I know Im a better person and will continue to work on me.

AJ, I know I want a better M and R with my H. I know I will not accept less then what I deserve. I see my R with my H much clearer now, see where we both made mistakes. I just dont know if my H can or wants to be the H I deserve and want, and I dont know how long I will continue standing. I do know I will continue to work on being a better person.

Job,thanks I will search for Raine and read the post AJ refered to.

Family went to amusement park yesterday, H did a few things that surprised me, when we all sat to eat lunch, H made sure to sit by me, I invited H to ride ferris wheel alone and H did, as we took breaks in park H made effort to sit with me...just little things but I noticed. Once we left park I kissed H on cheek and told him thanks for being patient at park and hanging out. H does not really enjoy amusement parks, we went with adult kids/grandkids, our son, and some other family. H is still sleeping in bed now each night (hope this continues) and H initatied sex without the hints,,,but more how he use to.

THANKS everyone

[woundedfool]

H is still sleeping in bed now each night (hope this continues) and H initatied sex without the hints,,,but more how he use to.

Sounds like you have achieved a goal you set a while ago.

I hope this doesn't feel like brow beating (as I have a tendency to bring it up a lot), but have you give any more consideration to coaching?

[2BHappy]

Hello...will not be purchasing DB coaching at this time. Using pastor and praying and working on being a better me every day.

I know the DB coaches will be very helpful but I do not have money to spend on coaching...i will look into IC that can be covered by my med ins.

[2BHappy]

I also plan to reread DR books.

[2BHappy]

I've started over eating again and skipping my workouts. It felt like DBing took all my energy at times and I ate to comfort myself and stuff down my feelings. Also dealing with my s14 who is at the age where he is trying limits, talking back, anger, not following directions etc...add on my mom who needs my help,,,sometimes it is ALOT all at once.

But today, I'm putting even more focus on my health, and finding another way to handle the stress vs eating thru it.

I THANK GOD that for a couple of months now I have been able to sleep thru the night, no more restless worrisome nights!

[2BHappy]

S14 has made some comments about not being able to "talk" to his dad and that his dad works too much.

If H was not already having whatever issues he is having I would mention this to H, but now I'm not sure if this is something I should discuss with H or not?

Like I said S14 is in going thru puberty and H in MLC, just alot right now.

[Georgiabelle]

2BHappy,

Others may disagree but your h's R with your s is for him to own. If you try to intervene or help navigate, you will be putting yourself in an unfortunate place. I would suggest reassuring your s and saying that dad is going thru some challenges right now. Remind him that you and his dad love him very much and that he is welcome to talk with you about anything. And I would leave it at that.

[2BHappy]

I feel comfortable with that. And I have reassured my son that dad is just dealing with some issues right now that have nothing to do with us! S knows he can always talk to me about anything.

I also talk to S about how he is feeling and how people go thru different changes thruout life and to always try to stay positive and be kind to yourself and others.

[woundedfool]

I would suggest reassuring your s and saying that dad is going thru some challenges right now. Remind him that you and his dad love him very much and that he is welcome to talk with you about anything. And I would leave it at that.

100% agree, except I would not actually say the part of telling him he is going through some challenges.

I also plan to reread DR books.

Excellent! Pay particular attention to the goals you have set, and use this as an opportunity to examine how many you achieved. As well as ones you may have forgotten about.

Keep the positive changes going and stay on top of them.

[LoisB]

100% agree, except I would not actually say the part of telling him he is going through some challenges.

I disagree. I think it's important in this world for our kids to trust their instincts. Their instincts are shouting at them...just like they are to us..."THIS IS CRAZEEEEE!!!"

I think it's crazy-MAKING to deny that validation. You don't have to belabor it or go into deep details but there's nothing worse than being surrounded by crazeee and having the people around you pretend it's all ok.

When my grandfather had his MLC, my mother gave me the gift of telling me that he was "sick"...I was 8. She explained that your soul can be sick and make you do strange things. It helped. I never blamed myself. And, I only saw my grandfather once after he left. I knew it wasn't my fault.

Validate your son's feelings. As an adult, he will learn from this experience to identify crazeee and validate himself when he sees it. If it walks like a duck, sounds like a duck...etc...it's crazee. Just is.