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LoisB Offline OP
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Well, Houston, we've had a miracle. M.I.R.A.C.L.E.

HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!

D20 revealed to me this morning the extent of her drinking last semester and that she is alcoholic. She said she had a moment in NM when God revealed to her that she can't drink like everyone else.

I will keep you posted, but I'm so GRATEFUL. SO RELIEVED. SO HOPEFUL. SO VALIDATED. I think I've known this since she was small.

I can't begin to say how this gift changes things for me...regardless of what happens and what her journey looks like in the future. This morning, God's love and forgiveness and GRACE came into our lives. God showed me, through my daughter, the TRUTH behind Smokey's choices and showed me the way out...for all of us.

We are going to be OK.

I waited so long for Smokey to say the things that D20 did this morning...and my prayers were answered in a different way than I expected...but, I'm grateful. SO GRATEFUL that my daughter may not head down the path of her dad.

It's going to be ok. A neon sign wouldn't have given me this message as clear as these words from my daughter. :-)


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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This ^^^^^ is so cool.

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See Heather,
Just like I said, things will change. Amazing how quickly that can happen sometimes! If only D20's dad could be as strong as she is to be able to admit she has a problem and start to work on it! Someone pointed out to me recently that for some reason it's the influence of the "bad" parent that affects kids the most. It takes an exceptional other parent to help them get past the bad. Looks like that's you!

Another thing to think about... if Smokey hadn't gone off the rails, if things had just remained the same as before the MLC, who knows if your D would have had this revelation? Maybe some good can be found in all the pain and hurt you've been put through?

Just a thought. Glad to see you are feeling better!

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Heather,
Now that your daughter has admitted that she has a problem w/alcohol, I do hope that she will attend the AA meetings. It might help if you attend as well (I think you mentioned that you were going to in postings recently). She needs the support now more than ever and it's serious to mix any meds w/the alcohol.

I do hope that she'll decide to not return to college next semester and will wait until the following one. She needs to get her head together and take care of her health, i.e., depression, etc.

Stay positive and strong.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2471924 07/24/14 01:17 PM
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LoisB Offline OP
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Quote:
"I Look To You" by Whitney Houston

As I lay me down,
Heaven hear me now.
I'm lost without a cause
After giving it my all.

Winter storms have come
And darkened my sun.
After all that I've been through
Who on earth can I turn to?

I look to you.
I look to you.
After all my strength is gone,
In you I can be strong
I look to you.
I look to you.
And when melodies are gone,
In you I hear a song.
I look to you.

About to lose my breathe,
There's no more fighting left,
Sinking to rise no more,
Searching for that open door.

And every road that I've taken
Lead to my regret.
And I don't know if I'm going to make it.
Nothing to do but lift my head

I look to you.
I look to you.
After all my strength is gone,
In you I can be strong
I look to you.
I look to you.
And when melodies are gone,
In you I hear a song.
I look to you.

My levees are broken
My walls have come
Tumbling down on me

The rain is falling.
Defeat is calling.
I need you to set me free.

Take me far away from the battle.
I need you.
Shine on me.

I look to you.
I look to you.
After all my strength is gone,
In you I can be strong
I look to you.
I look to you.
And when melodies are gone,
In you I hear a song.
I look to you.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Thank you Job. We are going to a meeting together tonight.

The last 24 hours has been a whirlwind of emotion. There's been great joy and some cathartic bouts of crying for me. D20's realization has brought up a lot of feelings/buried deep for Smokey. As she talked, I was reminded of so many things about him...the good and the bad. She said, "I'm Dad. Does that make me a terrible person?"

I reassured of all the wonderful things about her father...SO MANY WONDERFUL THINGS and I reminded her that his soul has always been pure...the devil was always in the details with Smokey.

God reminded me of someone once telling me that they went to meetings because meetings gave them integrity. It really spoke to me. Without meetings and that spiritual element in my daughter's life, she IS capable of hurting others the way Smokey has hurt us. I was honest with her in a way I've never been honest before.

I told her that, without spiritual support, it's my experience that she becomes an abuser of people. And, I'm not willing to live like that anymore.

I grieved some for my daughter and the reality that this disease will always be a part of her life. I had a good cry.

And, I cried for my husband who is still out there struggling. I was reminded of how much I love him and want so badly for him to see this same light. How sad I am that this beautiful man hasn't been able to save himself or find himself worthy of God's love.

It was freeing to tell my daughter that my heart is still full of love for her father. No matter what happens it was good. It was good for her to know that the love doesn't go away just because someone is sick--it's not turned off like a faucet--but, that I'm moving forward without him and trusting God to care for him. And, it was nice to admit how much I miss him...AND to have the validation that this addiction changes people from who they are meant to be into the opposite. How, sobriety for the alcoholic--with humility and surrender--truly brings the person's true heart back into balance.

I also had the girls and I hold hands and pray together. They thought it was silly at first, but it was good.

It also put things into perspective. Everything We go through in this life becomes a part of the this intricate quilt that eventually means something...It all creates this purpose. Moses couldn't have set his people free if he hadn't had this complicated set of trials...being abandoned, being a king/but not, living in the wilderness as a lowly sheep herder, being Hebrew/but not, being Egyptian/but not...all of it came together, at the right time, to make HIM the perfect person to lead others out of the darkness. You can't help others find their out of the darkness if YOU'VE never been there. This all means something. "Nothing we've been through will be wasted." T.D. Jakes.

I applied to seven more reporter/writing jobs yesterday and one local Kohl's job this morning. Sometimes God wants us to just take one more step an that's what I'm doing. Somehow, the town's opinion of me/my inlaws/the harsh judgment...none of it really matters anymore. I will do what I have to do and I will be ok.

Yesterday, went on a hike with the girls. Cleaned some of the garage so the Jeep could fit.

Last edited by LoisB; 07/24/14 02:14 PM.

"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Heather,
Have you checked out craigslist for employment opportunities? They have a section for writers and you could post resume on there as searching for work. Set up a yahoo or google email address and that way you can screen the responses w/o giving your real home email address.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2471967 07/24/14 02:43 PM
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LoisB Offline OP
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I will take a look Job. Thanks! :-)


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Wow! So glad for you!!! I pray you can heal as a family.


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Had a strange day.

Mowed for a good portion of the back yard after I couldn't look at the computer/jobs a single minute longer. I got a big section of the yard done.

The Forester texted me and starting flirting. I did a strange thing for me. I always have these big ideas/thoughts while mowing. It's very meditative for me. Anyway, I told him that if he was interested in just sex, then I'm not his girl. I said that I appreciated the attention and it was fun when I was feeling that insecurity that comes from being cheated on...but, I'm in a different place now and I know I won't die from being alone. I'm ok being alone...even dealing with the loneliness for a bit. He texted back that he hopes we can still be friends. The rejection stung a bit, but I'm ok. I think I will probably hear from him again...but I'm glad I set a boundary.

Went to a meeting tonight with D20. She introduced herself as alcoholic. The top was "removing self from self-will." Boy, does she fit. I'm glad I went.

Mom went too. She is definitely anger with me right now. She got angry on the way about some weird stuff. Anyway, tried to stay in my own lane.

Feeling lots of fear about money. I looked on craigslist. I think I found a low paying writing job that could help me get by until something better comes along. I hope.


Last edited by LoisB; 07/25/14 02:02 AM.

"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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