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Originally Posted By: theoden
SI think Starsky and others will counsel more patience with a strong boundary.



Got a chuckle out of that one, theo -- gotta be the first time anyone ever used "Starsky" and "more patience" in the same sentence, LOL! laugh laugh


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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shodan Offline OP
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Starsky...I did not see the question about our finances?


Me: 40, W: 40
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Who pays for what? You both work, right?

WHO PAYS FOR HER CELLPHONE??


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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Originally Posted By: Starsky309

When you get a moment, tell us what your financial arrangements are, Shodan. You both work; who pays for what? Who pays for her cellphone service?


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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shodan Offline OP
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We both work and have shared bank acct and one shared Amex card. Never been an issue until now. We make an equal amount of money.

Another question.... I bet she comes home this weekend and asks for a separation. She won't admit to the A but will say she needs space and time to think. She'd likely will say that because I don't trust her proves that we need to separate. Should I agree to the separation? I assume yes.


Me: 40, W: 40
M: 15, T: 18
D - 10, S - 7
D announcement 6/7/2014
A discovered 7/20/2014 (but denied by W)
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You don't have to agree to the separation, since that's not what you want.

However, as Starsky said earlier, if she wants a separation, she has to be the one to leave.


Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
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Originally Posted By: shodan
We both work and have shared bank acct and one shared Amex card. Never been an issue until now. We make an equal amount of money.


However she is now squandering marital (family) assets on her affair. Girls' weekend, cellphone used to conduct her affair, possibly gifts for OM or God-knows-what to wear on her "girls weekend" with him.

A family court judge is not going to look kindly on that, and it will be accounted for should you two pursue divorce or legal separation (does your state allow for formal LS?)

At a minimum, YOU need to be keeping an accounting of this, and you also need to lay a "I will not allow our family's assets to be spent on your affair" boundary. We can help you do that.


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

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Originally Posted By: shodan


Another question.... I bet she comes home this weekend and asks for a separation. She won't admit to the A but will say she needs space and time to think. She'd likely will say that because I don't trust her proves that we need to separate. Should I agree to the separation? I assume yes.



As I stated in my previous post, I'm not sure if your state offers a legal (formal) separation or not, but speaking generally your reply is "I don't want a divorce, and haven't really thought about a separation, but if you want to leave I will not stop you. I'm certainly not leaving, and nor am I going to allow the kids to leave."

But this is where you need that legal advice we were discussing yesterday.

Last edited by Starsky309; 07/23/14 03:16 PM.

M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

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shodan Offline OP
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so I just met with a L. Couple of things that i learned.

There don't do legal S in Boston, but we can file certain petitions (effectively restraining orders) that force both parties to spend money only on normal day to day expenses.

She cannot take the kids to NYC no matter what. MA has a child removal law that effectively says the kids stay in the state where they have been residing for the past 6 months.


Me: 40, W: 40
M: 15, T: 18
D - 10, S - 7
D announcement 6/7/2014
A discovered 7/20/2014 (but denied by W)
Still living together and sharing same bed
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Posts: 6,810
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Originally Posted By: shodan
so I just met with a L. Couple of things that i learned.

There don't do legal S in Boston, but we can file certain petitions (effectively restraining orders) that force both parties to spend money only on normal day to day expenses.

She cannot take the kids to NYC no matter what. MA has a child removal law that effectively says the kids stay in the state where they have been residing for the past 6 months.


Good work! Now don't you feel a little better at least?


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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