Yes. That has ended. That was pretty much a pre-req for me - none of these discussions or time would be happening with him in the picture. Still, I remain cautious in all of this considering I have been here before.
Val - the only emotional roller coaster I am planning on is the potential for my son to cry on Space Mountain - see what I did there? From day one I have set out planning that this trip is all about/for S. As long as he is having a good time - regardless of how tired I will most likely be -- I am good. The fact that she wants to come along is a nice bonus and slightly indicative of some minor progress that has been made. So yeah - I think I can do it without expectations.
Hi GM! It's still early, but communication and honesty has been better - I would *guess* she has done some work on her end....and I speculate that dating might have been a catalyst on that front, but who knows for sure. Again, I have been through the mill on this once before so thankfully I know the emotional traps to avoid. I think I disappeared this time around not because of her - but I was really trying to move forward with things. I had dated (side note: holy SH*T some women are aggressive these days! WOW!) -- and started making plans for me...me and S. I really didn't have much to come here to complain or ask about. When she started engaging me a few weeks back about one thing or another, I decided to try to "take of my training wheels" and handle it with what I have learned thus far from the likes of you and others.
Meh - who knows what will happen. All I can say for certain is that S will be happy to have both mom and dad with him for a few days....that alone, seeing him that happy, is a big enough win for me.
This Disney trip went really, really well. And to answer the previous questions she went mostly on her own dime - but since I already had the hotel there was no need to spring for another room. We had a lot of fun and it was a good time to just kind of relax and enjoy without getting very heavy about things. S loved the attention.....but hated Splash Mountain....that's a whole 'nother story.
These last few days we have had some honest, open, hard talks. It is the first time in a long time that we have been able to bring a lot of sensitive issues to the table and be "OK" with discussing them. We covered everything from parenting to our married sex life and the infertility process. Long overdue, but it is clear we have both come some distance in terms of communication. No one pointed fingers, no one blamed...we both just listened and tried to understand each other.
She made a remark (and this is typical) that she absolutely has seen change in me...in what I say, how I react, what I do - and so on. She just wonders how much of it is real as opposed to a script fed to me by a therapist or something. Without getting defensive (seriously!) I told her that where I am today is the result of three years worth of suffering, loss and reflection on my life. THAT is what brought about the change - and what I have learned from the folks here is that change like that tends to last. She understood and even said she had heard that before elsewhere.
We have been spending more time together as a family and periodically check in when we are apart....we've started working out together again as well. I remain guarded but still feel ok delicately moving forward. I have been through this once before and I know what not to do again....so I am not putting a lot of eggs in one basket and I am not pushing the pace or the discussion.
It would be premature for me to say "yes" or "no" right now - but early cautious indicators would point toward yes. There has been a fresher sense of openness about things and I am curious to see if it sustainable and mutual. There have also been signs of trust between us that are kind of "seedlings" at the moment - but could continue to grow. So as of now, I am happy to have her involved again with the life I share with S....time will tell how sustainable it is, but it is progressing slowly with a lot of communication. Nothing physical has transpired, and I am very, very OK with that.
I know what a dance this is. Sometimes you have to go on faith and no expectations.
Go slow. There is no hurry.
H and I starting getting closer around this time last year and he moved back at Christmas. That was fast and after being apart for so long, it's difficult blending lives. I don't know that going slower would have made that easier but it might have.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
It would be premature for me to say "yes" or "no" right now - but early cautious indicators would point toward yes. There has been a fresher sense of openness about things and I am curious to see if it sustainable and mutual. There have also been signs of trust between us that are kind of "seedlings" at the moment - but could continue to grow. So as of now, I am happy to have her involved again with the life I share with S....time will tell how sustainable it is, but it is progressing slowly with a lot of communication. Nothing physical has transpired, and I am very, very OK with that.
Crimson
RE Her questions or comments about your changes...I'm wondering if there will be a time when YOU can ask her if HER changes are real and lasting.
B/C let's face it, SHE had some big issues that were unresolved -- and which lead to you two not making it last, last spring.
So, Has SHE worked on her nasty internal problems -- and how do you know? A little hesitation on YOUR END, would be a good/great idea.
Do not let her assume you'll be there, standing, regardless of Her choices...
When she speaks about the future or things like you two, do NOT jump in quickly... I'd probably give a vague mysterious answer now & then too,
such as "Yikes, let's take this slowly b/c --- I'm NOT ready for 'X' just yet"...b/c..., well, Crimson... b/c how can you be ready now??
Just a thought, but do be reticent about recommitting. Don't wear your heart on your sleeve.
She will feel pressured by that, and no one wants that.
Hugs to you & to your son too. Keep us posted!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
From day one I have set out planning that this trip is all about/for S. As long as he is having a good time - regardless of how tired I will most likely be -- I am good. The fact that she wants to come along is a nice bonus and slightly indicative of some minor progress that has been made. So yeah - I think I can do it without expectations.