Taking it day by day part 2

[T384]

I don't want to tolerate the way he talks to me when he texts me. I have posted our conversations here lately. So maybe I should just say something along the lines of H we can have this discussion when you are in a better frame of mind'


I don't know that he will ever look within himself. Our main issue was his job and how I didn't like it. I did not like his boss. He was an ex felon who was basically a used car salesman. H worked 12 hour days and got paid next to nothing with constant promises of a raise. H was a good man. He always did right by everyone and would give someone his last dollar to help them. This hurt him too - he was always willing to work so hard and never get reimbursed. I told him we wanted him home and we didn't care about how much he made. I said id get a second job if he really wanted to open his own shop. He took this as me thinking he couldn't provide and I could have communicated what I meant better. But I did tell him what I meant since he left and he said 'oh I didn't know that' 'why didn't you tell me all this before it got to this point and I HAD to leave' and I said I'm sorry that it wasn't communicated the right way but now you know and I left it at that.


He is immature. He does not realize the gravity of his actions. He still cannot be honest with the boys or I about his gf. He says they are just friends. My C believes he has built up this family as his army of support and they are helping him believe his own lies but it's up to him to figure out when and if he wants to stop. He was actually just talking terribly about his boss all of January. saying he was ready to get out of that place and went out on several interviews. Then something changed - I'm thinkng him getting close with the daughter. Then all the sudden it wasn't the boss it was me!


We also have another issue. He always got paid under the table. Another issue between us. H left a great paying job making almost 6 figures to move back to where we are now. He hated it there and I said if moving back will make you Happy we will do it. He said his now boss said he would pay him the same salary. Well we get there and that was NOT true. He paid him less than 900 a week UNDER THE TABLE. So we lost our tax return that we got every year and counted on and all of his health insurance and benefits. He didn't give him any PTO. So it was a mess. His boss promised it would only be for 6 months. Then here we were 2 years later. So it did cause a lot of problems for us.
We ate through our savings. His boss kept saying he didn't have the money blah blah. My H said he was robbing peter to pay Paul and that's why the shop couldn't make money. That is why my H tried to work late and get extra jobs done so he could get more jobs done and more income to the shop so he could start getting paid more. All of his friends that knew his boss told him to get out of there. H like
I said knew he needed to. When everyone found out he left and went to his boss's house they all said VERY BAD IDEA. It is not the place to go. Several friends offered him to come there to which he declined. I didn't understand why because I didn't find out about the boss's daughter until the end of April/beg of May

I'm protecting the boys and I first and foremost all accounts have been changed etc.

And my L said he would do this. He would wait until mediation to get his own place so he can try to get the boys. She told me she is planning on asking for no overnight visits until he gets his act together and that he can take them 4 days a week and return them to our house.

Sorry if I missed anything.

[T384]

Oh and the boss did the same exact thing to his first wife. He cheated and left her and his 2 young daughters, I actually believe they were the boys ages, for a 20 year old he met at a strip club lol. He is now married to her. So in this family this is OKAY

[woundedfool]

I don't want to tolerate the way he talks to me when he texts me. I have posted our conversations here lately. So maybe I should just say something along the lines of H we can have this discussion when you are in a better frame of mind'

If he brings it up, or is condescending:

1. Do NOT go to battle
2. Simply say: I would appreciate it if you didn't call me that, or say that (I am thinking in context of the "big girl" comment).

I would almost want, you to do the old Ann Landers line: When someone asks your an inappropriate question or says something inappropriate, simply respond with:

Why would you say that? or Why would you ask that?

We also have another issue. He always got paid under the table. Another issue between us. H left a great paying job making almost 6 figures to move back to where we are now.

You attorney will be able to navigate that. Also, (and I don't want to start a forest fire here) but are you 100% aure he never got that raise?

And my L said he would do this. He would wait until mediation to get his own place so he can try to get the boys. She told me she is planning on asking for no overnight visits until he gets his act together and that he can take them 4 days a week and return them to our house.

Sounds reasonable. Provided he does get his act together.

[25yearsmlc]

so it sounds as if, in time, your rights will be protected and you'll get SOME of these funds back, right?

Oh yes, I know it sukks now, and you have to sort of just endure, but at some point in the not too distant future, per your L, you will be alright, correct?

I hope so.

Are there any jobs around that you might find interesting? Just to get some money coming in, but without losing any strategic advantages in court?

Good luck and keep us posted!

[T384]

I actually am working 2 jobs. I am a nurse so I work in the picu full time (3 12s a week) and I have a 6 week contract in the CVICU. I have been doing he contract since April so I renew it every 6 weeks as long as the unit still needs me. It's what's getting me through.

My L is confident I will get all the vehicles back. It will be good for me because it's $$$ I need to put in the bank. She thinks the money he took will possibly be a wash. She thinks we can use it as a bargaining tool for custody. The money he took is tricky because even though it's my inheritance and in a savings account in my name only that he hacked into by guessing my password. (No clue how he knew it). But because I MIXED the money it kinda screws me. I pulled money out of the inheritance to pay for vacations and bills if we were short. Especially with his pay cut. So I'm not planning on getting that money back. This way if it doesn't happen I won't be too upset. He used the money to pay for his attorney and then he said he was fixing up the truck (the one in my name he has).

I have a journal and a big binder with eveything from day one. I have every single text printed out as screen shots and In my folder. I have every day whether he has called textd saw the boys, showed up late, not shown up at all down to a T. Hopefully this will help me. I have every receipt etc documented. Just like a few weeks ago he refused to split a summer camp with me saying he had no $$& yet that weekend he posted he was with his Gf up in North Carolina for the weekend. It may not matter but I will use anything I have to at this point and if that inhibits him from every wanting to R then so be it. I shouldn't have protecting the boys and I held against me.

And wounded - to the forest fire I laughed when I read that. It is a GREAT possibility. I just don't know I want to believe that that's who H was. I want to believe he was a good man when we were together. I hate to discredit the lat 10 years.

[T384]

So I'm just sitting here at basketball. H is all dressed up. Not even going to mind read. But I'm dressed nicely Everytime as well

Well anyway he walked right by and didn't look at me let alone acknowledge I'm alive.

I'm just not sure what to do in these situations from a DB perspective. I used to play baskets with him and one of the boys but after how he's talked to me the last week I really have no desire to. I am still trying to DB. I know we may never R but I want to be the person only a fool would leave.

I know we will walk out to the car together. I almost feel like when I'm silent and don't talk it reinforces his feeling of me being a bitch


Anyone???

[Maybell]

Since nothing anyone says or does matters or penetrates into his brain then there is no reason to try to conform your behavior to what would be a mind-reading scenario either way.

Do you feel that any warmth towards him at all would look like anything other than you being a doormat? He won't respect you because you smiled at him after all that. Behave with dignity and don't give him the time of day.

He's already a fool to have left. Believe it. Live it.

[Maybell]

Sorry, that was a bit late. Keep it for next time.

[T384]

Thanks Maybell.

After he was done talking to his friends he ended up coming up and sitting next to me. He asked me about the cat (he had been texting me about her about a month ago which I ignored) I told him how I took her to the vet etc. he then askd if I got the water pipes fixed or if I found someone to do them. He offered to trade out work with a. Friend to have them fixed. I told him thanks for the offer but it was already fixed. I told him my work car was back at the house and he was welcome to arrange a time with me to come by when I'm home to look at it.

We ended up staying an hour after practice just the 4 of us by ourselves playing basketball and having a hula hoop contest. Towards the end I felt like I was being too warm and friendly after how he treated me so I sat down and watched the boys play.

We walked to the car together and he said good night. That was all

I feel so torn in these situations. I saw the man I married tonight when we were all playing and having fun. But I know that's not who he is anymore. I want to be friendly and have fun because I want him to see what he's missing but at the same time the way he talked to me and has treated me he doesn't deserve to feel he can do that and me still be nice.

We talked more tonight than we have in months. Mostly about how he feels thjngs always go wrong when things are bad and feels like we both can't catch a break.

[Maybell]

Wow.

Are you thrown?

I'm not qualified to comment here beyond that, but how do you feel?