What happened to the military? Is she not still considering that?
BTW, I agree w/Wonka. Set your boundaries and when she returns home, sit her down and advise her that you will no longer accept being treated or spoken to the way she has been doing. It's very disrespectful and you are the more mature adult here and need to call her on her behavior. She needs to understand that you are not her whipping girl and she needs to learn respect. If she doesn't, this behavior will continue raise its ugly head at home and in her life down the road.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
After we met with the ROTC instructor, he convinced us that the Reserves isn't a good fit for her. The ROTC seems to be a much better choice.
She is terrified, however, of going back to school and having the depression rear it's ugly head again. I completely understand this...I struggled with terrible/nightmarish SAD when I was her age and it only has lifted some in recent years. I know it's genetic.
My suggestion is take care of the depression, then figure out school...I still maintain, however, that she needs to make her own decisions.
We will have a firm discussion. I talked to D11 and she and I are in agreement that the DRAMA HAS TO GO. One way or another, we will get some peace...that we deserve. :-)
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Heather, I know it is probably blindingly obvious but it just occurred to me that depression and drama might be related.
Given that MLC is about depression (among other things) and they are drama queens, does the raging and posturing give them some sort of high do you think?
And, I think the adrenalin may, sometimes, help them think clearly.
Let me illustrate:
One of the reasons I believe D20 would be a fabulous ER doc is because she works so well under life and death situations.
She got back last night from a very strange trip to NM. While there, she and her friend went on a hike at the Sandia Mountain Peak. They were with some ill-equipped people and ended up giving them water and food that they should have kept for themselves. Then, someone realized that they had forgotten the key to the vehicle. This meant they had to hike an additional 3 miles (over the 7 miles they had completed)...it was the height of the day for the NM heat...
The upshot of all of this...my daughter's friend became dehydrated and, then, suffered heat exhaustion. She was barely conscious when they reached the tram parking lot and my D had to carry her on her back for the last 1/4 mile of the hike. When they reached the parking lot, D's friend had stopped sweating and her face had gone grey. D knew that she had only an hour of time before she would suffer heat stroke. She demanded that the people in the parking lot call 911 even though no one seemed to see the seriousness of the situation. When EMT's arrived, they had to give the friend four bags of saline before she regained concsciousness. D20 had told them immediately to get saline. They said she had moved past heat exhaustion and was dangerously close to stroking.
My point of all this is...my daughter was in her element. She thrives on this sort of event. She came home shaken, but thinking clearly and told me she wants to take a semester off from school.
I think some people have a lot of fog in their heads, naturally...and, crisis/drama helps create focus. I'm not sure this is a part of MLC...but, I know that my daughter has a much harder time dealing with the daily stresses of life than she does when someone is dying at her feet. THEN, she KNOWS what to do.
Maybe the rage and drama are their way of trying to create some self-inflicted clarity? And, maybe they just naturally gravitate to situations/creating drama in an effort to clear out the cobwebs?
And, in something that may be related...IDK?? I think Smokey was genuinely shocked when I got an attorney. I think it's shocking to him that I would "abandon" him. I see some of that in your situation too. It's like they GENUINELY/SINCERELY cannot fathom that the people that love them would "leave" them when they are so broken. I think he believes he is simply doing what he NEEDS to do for his survival.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Hi Heather, I think you may be on to something there. The only times my W wasn't "exhausted", was when she was angry, at least when around me and the kids. When she got angry at me, at least she felt something! Otherwise she just was a zombie. Also, she was always talking about how she was sooo "covered up" at work. Everyone else could take time off, go on vacations, take long lunches, just not her. By treating everything as an "emergency", she was able to break past the depressive fog and get things done. I think this may be why she said that a big reason she wanted to be on her own was that if she was in charge of every part of her life from cleaning the bathroom to paying the bills, she would be "too busy" to get depressed. That I somehow "allowed" her to become depressed and if there was no one around to take care of things she wouldn't be able to be depressed. If it is an "emergency", if it MUST be done right away, it clears away the fog.
When she would get angry at me at least she felt something. Until she decided that she was leaving, the only times she would talk to our D14 was when she would yell at her for not cleaning her room, or doing something she didn't like. Whenever either of our D's wanted to just talk to her over the last few years, she would say "not now, I'm too tired". Not something that MUST be done so she couldn't break out of the fog. I remember trying to tell her how with teenagers, you have to take any chance you can when they actually want to talk to you! That while they were at that age, if they actually make an effort and want to speak to you, you have to take that opportunity, otherwise you'll never get them to say anything. She just couldn't seem to do it unless she was angry or it was something that had to be said right away.
To me I think it just reinforces in my mind the link between depression and MLC. Depression is a subject I had to learn much about because of my W's "major depressive disorder". Funny how having your S tell you they really don't think they want to live can spur you on to learn as much as possible. What they never talk about is how it can push people into a different type of crisis. The kind of crisis we are dealing with with our S's MLC!
Yes, I know people who are more or less dysfunctional in normal situations and magnificent in emergencies. Their thought processes focus and clarify.
And strange as it sounds
Quote:
I think Smokey was genuinely shocked when I got an attorney. I think it's shocking to him that I would "abandon" him. I see some of that in your situation too. It's like they GENUINELY/SINCERELY cannot fathom that the people that love them would "leave" them when they are so broken. I think he believes he is simply doing what he NEEDS to do for his survival.
I agree with this. My xh is very clear that we abandoned him, when in reality he walked out on his family, had little contact for years and so on . . . .
This is why I love these boards...I don't feel crazeeeeee!!! It's nice to feel validated and have others relate similar experiences. Otherwise, this experience could be so much worse. Grieving through these boards is a blessing.
I had a rough day. No drama or anything...just a lot of worry on my part about money. And, I was having a hard time staying positive.
I got a call back yesterday from Kohl's...only it's a bout a 30 minutes away.
I didn't hear anything else today. Then, my mom called to say that she was cleaning out her closet and wondered if the girls and I wanted to come over for a look before she took everything to Goodwill. Nothing else was going on, so we went. Mom is a terrible shop-a-holic and always has nearly new/new things that she unloads.
I wasn't in a good place to go see her. I should have listened to my gut.
I told her about Kohl's and she responded, "Oh, you can't drive to XX...not with your car."
I cut the conversation short and replied, "Ok."
Then, she proceeded to bring out one or two new outfits she purchased online and asked if she should keep them.
I felt angry. It's hard to see all her reckless spending while I'm so worried about money.
She did email a job she found today about medical billing/coding that I could do at home. I haven't checked it out yet. I will.
I spent a lot of time trying to center myself this morning. I'm not sure I was all that successful. But, I did manage to get out another library application/resume and picked up some groceries, cleaned the kitchen and did some laundry. I also faced up to the bank balance and transferred Smokey's latest deposit over to my account.
Oh, and this didn't help my mood any...I noticed in the mail and strange envelope for Smokey. I opened it because it looked important and I was curious. It was a free stay/plane fare courtesy of the Marriott. I shouldn't have snooped, but I'm glad I had the chance to throw it away.
Feel discouraged and alone tonight.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Hey Heather, You are not alone! You have all us LBS's that really love you and believe in you here! You're doing really well, have sent out so many resumes, looked inside, dealt with some awful family dynamics! That's a lot. I too have been feeling "out sorts" but we'll get out of that rut...SOON!
