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Agree. We's does what we's gotta do.


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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Been there, done that, too.

When I was PREGNANT.

Horribly humiliating.

That's when I started getting MAD about everything.

And sometimes a little anger over the unfairness of it all isn't all bad.

mdu, I really hope you'll do whatever it takes - as long as it isn't UNHEALTHY, of course - to get yourself through this terrible time.

I think ADs help in a lot of cases; sometimes the burden is just too heavy to carry. If kml is reading this thread, she may be able to better speak to this, but my sister (who's about to receive her doctorate in nursing) told me once to prepare to potentially go through a couple until I found the right one for me. Just wanted to throw that out there in the event you're on one for a couple weeks and aren't feeling right about it.

I didn't end up going on ADs. But my doctor prescribed something that would help my anxiety in a pinch. And I'm not afraid to say I used it. More than once.

It kept my H alive. wink


M: 40 H: 44
Married 14 years
S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M
2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart
Piecing: April 2014
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Originally Posted By: Train
but my sister (who's about to receive her doctorate in nursing) told me once to prepare to potentially go through a couple until I found the right one for me. Just wanted to throw that out there in the event you're on one for a couple weeks and aren't feeling right about it.



Yes, and many (like the ones I took) take a couple of weeks before they even KICK IN, so best to try something SOON, too.


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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Yes. I think 2-3 weeks to kick in.


M: 40 H: 44
Married 14 years
S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M
2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart
Piecing: April 2014
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 768
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Yes, my doc & I spoke about it previously & she warned me could be 6 weeks before they kick in. That is exactly why I'm anxious to get going with something asap. I'm so thankful & appreciative to hear u strong people having to do the same. I was beating myself up over it, now I feel better about it & stronger in my resolve


M: 42
H: 43
M: 8 years
S7 and D4
H has D19 and S25 from previous M
Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA
1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail
2nd separation: 5/1/14
Joined: Mar 2014
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H and I are currently texting about the kids. They really bond us. He is a good Dad. Has been a sucky H, but then again I've been a sucky Wife. But he's a good Dad. No denying that. It's why I married him. No matter what, I'm thankful for that.


M: 42
H: 43
M: 8 years
S7 and D4
H has D19 and S25 from previous M
Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA
1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail
2nd separation: 5/1/14
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,433
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Hon, rest assured that your history together - and your children together - is something OW doesn't have with your H and he instead shares with YOU.

It's a thread I held onto, too.

Keep holding steady, mdu. It ain't near over yet.

Just keep focusing on cleaning your side of the street.


Last edited by Train; 07/23/14 12:57 AM.

M: 40 H: 44
Married 14 years
S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M
2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart
Piecing: April 2014
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 768
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Thx Train!

So another thing I'm learning is how important it is post here not just for feedback but for documentation and future reference. So here's the latest...

So today H emailed me about getting D's bike for bike day at preschool tomorrow. I decided to call him (this is a 180 I found effective when we first separated; pre A and during A I used to just text/email) and in a very upbeat way offered to get the bike for him and leave it in my car at work for him to retrieve since I was headed home for lunch anyway. He was warm during the convo. And I felt like I was conveying to him 'hey, I CAN be sane and table the OW crappola for a bit'.

So come about 5pm (when he was going to retrieve the bike from my car), I end up leaving work and going out with a friend (in her car since I had to leave mine for him to get into) and didn't bother to take my phone. So he texts to say he's on his way to my car, then texts to say 'thanks for leaving D's bike in your car'. Then texts to say S got written up for bad behavior at camp today. None of these I replied to bc I had gone out with my friend and didn't take my phone with me.

I finally reply about 2 and 1/2 hours after his last text. He immediately texts back to each of my texts and we're really bonding over the kids. I text him that S recently got into some issues with some neighbor kids (in addition to the issue today at camp) and that he can be too reactive and I've been working on helping him manage that. H replies 'He probably gets that from me'. I reply 'Actually, I was thinking he gets it from me.' We text a bit more about the kids. I end up telling him he's a good dad (I think words of affirmation is his LL). He tells me I'm a very good mom. I tell him we're lucky for having such good kids, all 4 of them (including his 2 older kids). He replies 'Indeed'. I end it on that.

I think it's all really positive and we are beginning reconnection just as we did before, over the thing that bonds us the most and distinguishes us from OW --- the kids. My challenge, as always, is to NOT read into it too much and just chill! I am ON HOLD until I meet with doc and the meds kick in!!! People, hold me to this!

Can someone come please move in and hold their hand over my mouth and restrain my fingers when I want to talk/text/email inappropriately (with is practically always)? I live in a very lovely location. Please & thank u. Love & thanks to you all, as always, for continuing to follow my story, guide and support me.


M: 42
H: 43
M: 8 years
S7 and D4
H has D19 and S25 from previous M
Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA
1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail
2nd separation: 5/1/14
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
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Originally Posted By: mdu
Yes, my doc & I spoke about it previously & she warned me could be 6 weeks before they kick in. That is exactly why I'm anxious to get going with something asap. I'm so thankful & appreciative to hear u strong people having to do the same. I was beating myself up over it, now I feel better about it & stronger in my resolve


Hey, #1 rule of DBing, right? DO WHAT WORKS.


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 768
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mdu Offline OP
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P.S. I don't know about others but this situation has really shown me what amazing people I am blessed to have in my life, including all of you on this BB. Dang, I choose friends WELL. Yes, there have been a few who have pulled away and pressured me with 'You should just leave him', but most have stood by me no matter my choice. I just received an amazing text from one of my most outspoken friends (who clearly thinks I should leave H) saying that she stands by me no matter what. It's a tough sitch for her because H's A pushes a lot of button for her but she's willing to put her own feelings and issues aside for me. Now that is a good person in my book.


M: 42
H: 43
M: 8 years
S7 and D4
H has D19 and S25 from previous M
Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA
1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail
2nd separation: 5/1/14
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