Sounds GREAT! You do not need us there. You have it all in you. You just MUST realize that about yourself and DO WHAT IS GETTING RESULTS.
You know what I see about you? You shine when the cards seem stacked against you. When the pressure's on. OTOH, you flop around when things appear good and easy. What's up with that, girlfriend??
Think on that for a little. 'Cause you dreaded this week for a longgggg time .... but, baby, you're shinin'!!!
Keep it up!
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
Because I would have said the EXACT opposite about myself. I would say that when things get TOO tough, I fold.
But maybe not, maybe I'm actually tougher than I think. Maybe when it's really 'GAME ON!' my best shines through. And there's nothing that fires me up more than someone threatening to tear my family apart.
Hmmm...
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Because I would have said the EXACT opposite about myself. I would say that when things get TOO tough, I fold.
But maybe not, maybe I'm actually tougher than I think. Maybe when it's really 'GAME ON!' my best shines through. And there's nothing that fires me up more than someone threatening to tear my family apart.
Thanks Train. This is potentially a very powerful observation, something for me to really think about. The board and especially *I* am lucky to have you here.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Saw H this morning briefly. Had to get something of S’s from him, S was there so we couldn’t really talk or anything but it was good to see him in person. As I’ve mentioned before, H is not very expressive in words but his demeanor is always very telling. His demeanor seemed reasonably warm, he gave several big smiles. I was very upbeat and cheery, sure to show him that I’m not letting the latest OW drama consume me and can manage my emotions. He mentioned that he got some mail from the gas company, apparently saying they would not be auto-delivering anymore. He offered to call them to ask them why (presumably because we don’t need to be refilled frequently enough).
Anyway, I thought it was an interesting exchange. He didn’t seem to be giving off signals that he’s planning some deep involvement with OW now that she’s closer. If he were, I would expect a lot of coldness and certainly wouldn’t expect him to offer to call the gas company. Of course, I have no idea if he has actually seen and/or interacted with OW yet and I have learned that I should always be prepared to expect the unexpected in this sitch. OW was supposedly coming this week but who knows what day. Of course I am very curious if his demeanor towards me suddenly starts changing once he sees her. I wish I knew what was going on, I feel so in the dark! Ugh! I also really, really wish that he and I were spending some time together. I feel confident that we would reconnect if we could just hang out like we had been but while I think some pursuit is good with him asking him to do something would be too much at this point.
Had a good conversation with my DBing coach around setting goals. I determined my goal right now is reconnection with H. She said to look at all my actions/reactions through the lens of that goal. She said that does not mean that I can’t get back to my boundaries but since I keep freaking out on him it would be wise to get back to reconnecting for a time first. Which pretty much lined up with what we all discussed here --- ignore OW, chill and be happy/positive around H. What I most wish is that he would get to a point of feeling safe enough that he could just be honest with me about what’s currently going on with OW. I know that this is a really tough one given my poor reactions to date but if we could get THERE, I think that would be huge and really the ultimate in terms of reconnecting. Honestly, and maybe I’m crazy to think this, but I’ve often thought that if he and I could find a way to be totally open and honest with each other I think I could possibly deal with him being in the office with OW. Maybe I am kidding myself but I can’t help but think that sharing whatever feelings he may be having would likely go a long way to killing them. The key is, can I handle it? My second goal is to work on figuring out how to calm my emotions. Hopefully meeting with my doc and IC this week will start helping me figure that piece out as well.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Thanks for your support this morning, MDU, and for sharing your DBing goals. Those sound like good ones for me as well. The trick is to try not to eat the elephant
Weeks like this one really go far in showing me how much more work I have to do. I'm behind you!!!
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
I feel a bit like my heart is hardening toward H. I've felt this way on occasion before so writing it down because I'm curious to see if the feeling is fleeting or sticks this time.
The whole sitch with OW moving and coming to his office just seems so over the top to me. Like he expects me to just accept/trust cause he says I should. Umm, yea, ok.
Not to mention I keep thinking (and I know this is judgmental and probably the 'bad' mdu shining through) but this woman is such a freak. I mean if he has truly told her that it's done (and, of course, maybe he didn't. But I have a hard time imagining he would have spent all this time with me if he hadn't said *something* to her. I know from when he was actively engaged in the A he does NOT do two well), but if he said that what the heck is she doing here?? Is she that selfish that she really doesn't care what kind of strain this puts on H, even though she supposedly 'loved' him. Maybe she is being vengeful? At the very least it seems she has ZERO remorse for getting involved with a married man. I dunno, no matter how I spin it this move does not make her look good, IMO. And if that's what H is really interested in...then maybe it's best I let him go.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
