KGirl - post-move

[labug]

I like your goals! Keep your focus there, on YOU.

Maybe "this" (house, yard, etc) is who H really is or who he wants to be.

[KGirl]

I'm going to go see a car tomorrow! I'm nervous - I've never been involved in a car purchase. Heck, I've never really owned my own car. In high school and college I had a car my parents owned, and I never had to deal with maintenance or repairs or anything, my dad always took care of that. So it's a little scary, but a good thing. My goal is to check it out and see if I actually like it (it's a Honda Fit, blue raspberry color, super cute but I know I shouldn't just buy a car 'cause it's cute)... and then even if I do like it, walk away and say I'll have to think about it and check out some other options. Then, work on price over email. I have a bottom line price in mind and I will be firm on not crossing it!

This Zentangle stuff actually turned out to be very interesting. I think it will be a good meditative-type practice for me. Basically it's structured drawing that can be done in a short amount of time and is very easy for completely non-artistic people like me. You fill different sections of your paper "tile" with different patterns ("tangles") made up of simple lines and colored-in areas, and puts you in a sort of "flow" state as you're focusing on it. In the class I took the teacher talked about reminding yourself to breathe, calming and focusing yourself before you get started, and throughout the process paying attention to your marker movements, how the ink flows, etc. You also can't use an eraser, because just like in real life, any perceived "mistakes" have to be incorporated into your drawing And at the end you get a cool little drawing out of it! I'm going to go make another right now - I definitely recommend it even if you feel like you can't draw at all. No, I am not being paid to talk it up

[Georgiabelle]

K-Girl,

I had a Honda Fit and loved it. Very safe, great gas mileage, and surprisingly roomy. Good luck:-)

[labug]

Yay!

[KGirl]

I'm trying my best to think of it as a positive and fun experience. But there is a part of me that is PO'd that I even have to do this. We had decided to be a one-car household until we had kids because we could function just fine that way - he drove to work, I took the bus, and then at night we just coordinated our errands and activities. It saved us a lot of money, but now obviously that's out the window. The car was "his" in that he purchased it way before we got engaged and married (and it was during the period of time that we were broken up at the end of college so I had no input or say in it) so he keeps it. Just like he still lives in the house, and has the cat, so nothing has changed for him, but everything has to change for me. I know I shouldn't be resentful because these were choices I made to move out, or not fight him for the cat or for some money for a car, and I know it's not my job to make him see consequences, but I have a hard time believing he'll "wake up" at all when everything remains the same for him, just minus me.

[labug]

It's your choice to make it a positive, happy, growth experience...or not.

Which side of the street do you want to live your life on.

Read my tag line,180 yourself.

[KGirl]

Car shopping was fun... have some things to think about! I could get a slightly used Honda Fit or a brand new Nissan hatchback for the same price, so if I can set aside my prejudice that Honda is just "better" and that buying new cars are a waste, maybe I'll end up in a new car! And the new one has all kinds of fun things the Honda doesn't, like a rear view camera, audio controls on the steering wheel, bluetooth for hands-free phone use, etc. It might even end up being less expensive because of the 0% financing that's only available for new cars.

Does anyone else have dreams about their spouse that affect how they feel when they wake up? I've been having these negative dreams lately where H has done crazy things while we're separated and then in the dream I'm so angry at him that I don't want to get back together with him. Then I wake up and I'm still very angry at him. I can't tell if my dreams are trying to tell me something, or if I just need to ignore them because they aren't real and try not to let the negative feelings cloud "real life."

[Georgiabelle]

Glad the car shopping was fun. Now you have choices:-)

This next part is strictly my opinion and I'm sure some will disagree. I don't say his to hurt anyone-again my opinion. I think most WAS do not do any deep self reflection unless they feel they must or they are truly see aware. And that is not immediate. I think the reality is most do *fun* stuff and want to see if a new R or *friend* brings them happiness that they are searching for. I am not saying your h is-just that it is a prevalent trend. In other words, I don't think most are digging deep or trying to see if anything could possibly be wrong with them. It's easier to think it's their spouse or SO. They were emotionally done long before BD-that was a mere formality.

Again, these are just my thoughts. I know you are in a difficult place, however your h has to figure out his own stuff. You focus on you and continue doing things you enjoy. I think you are doing awesome :-)

[Georgiabelle]

^^^^ I meant self aware

[GoatGal]

Kgirl,

I have those dreams too.
I also dream that I'm reading and posting on this forum!

---GGG
"Even DBing in my SLEEP!'