Update on the missing red undiestext to H while he was at work "Found your very SEXY red underware. I would love to see you in these sexy red undies"
H comes home ask me where I found undies, I said in dryer which was the truth. Continue this morning, H said he still looking for black pair, then I started to tease him about them in a "would love to see you in them" H said I was making a big deal
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
I told him I think they are sexy, different from what you normally wear. H said "well you have nice panties and bras all different type and matching" "and since I needed new underware I got those and I plan to get some more like it" H even commented that I have on my black lace panties right now. I thought he was alseep while I got dressed this morning. I'm glad he noticed.
I told him I was just teasing him, and I that I just thought his new underware were very sexy and I remember when he used to always buy underware for me to see him in (not sure if I should have added that, but I did).
Oh to run last minute errands for my trip.
All of a sudden I wish my H was going with us, but oh well maybe one day.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
2bh I think you are handling things with your H really awesome! I read so many similarities in our sitch, I too had become " absent" at least emotionally for awhile and caught in a cycle of negativity. It coincided with onset of H MLC so who knows if we both made each other worse but I definitely took things for granted.
I hope you have a wonderful vacation with your son- I know how hard it is to keep up the DB face continuously- it's good to get a break and just be. Enjoy!
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Back home from a very relaxing fun stress free vacation...worth every single penny. I did not want to come home to this M. I felt the stress as soon as I got home. I dont know why exactly...I feel like H was not home that much...same food in fridge...house was spotless...AC was off...just felt wrong.. anyway...i dont know if I want this R or M not the way it is now or the way it was. I dont even really want to see my H when hr gets home from work tonight. what does this mean? Im want the peace of mind I had on my trip. Im pissed that i feel like he was not home much..so then i wonder where was he and really im tired of wondering , tired of this whole mess!! Tired of the dont knows , pretending like i dont care.. dam i just got back and it took one thing one worry one unknown to ruin my mood...but I will stay strong not voice my fears to my H. but i want to be over this hurt and confusion...this worry. Dammit
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
After a GREAT night of sleep and praying before hand. I woke up not even caring about what my H might have been doing while son and I was on vacation. I woke up rested and in a great mood. Talked to H about getting son football cleets, about upcoming family day trip to amusement park. H initated these conversations...We discussed all the details and off H and son went to search for cleets. H thanked me for the little gifts of playing cards and a shot glass son and I brought him back from vacation (son wanted to bring his dad back something) I thought today would be hard, I thought I would have an attitude and have to struggle to "be happy" around H today, but NOPE I feel great, no attitude, so sadness and really feel like if H was not home and was out with OW while we were on vacation,,,it was come out eventually...one way or another. Either way it has NOTHING to do with me or my happiness my joy. Hmmmm,,,maybe I was tired last night from the drive,,,not sure why I was so upset feeling last night? When H got home last night I was sleep H tried to talk to me, but realized I was very tired. H did sleep in bed with me last night. I think he is now back in this routine of sleeping in our bed with me, it has continued now for over a 2-3 weeks.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Trying to mentally prepare myself for our upcoming anniversary its a month away and I don't believe we will be celebrating it this year either. Last year H tried to offer me to go to dinner with our son (blamed on him having to work).
This year I'm already preparing to NOT be shocked, hurt or surprised if the day is totally ignored by H. I'm not getting H a gift or card, not planning to even mention the day, unless H brings it up.
Things seem to be getting a little better with H, he is less tense, sleeping back in bed, having more conversations with me (no R or M talk from either of us). He is acting a little jealous about where Im going and who Im with. H is hinting at sex more.
And with all that, I seem to be getting more tired of it all. It's easier to not think about my F UP marriage, not wonder about H or how he is feeling or what he wants/needs. I'm starting to not care! This may not be good with H starting to make what could be "making his way back" to M or R very slowly and now each day Im caring less and less about if this M is repaired or not.
I'm starting to feel like I felt when I was a WAS, and now I wonder if what H said was true, I only started to care/pay attention when H told me he no longer wanted to be married, or be a husband any more.
But NO, I know I have been and will continue to work on me, I know I'm a much better person and these are not temporary changes. The stronger I get, the more I wonder if my H even deserves me. I know that sounds horrible. But I'm better person, and not sure if my H is or will ever be the person I need to spend the rest of my life with...
WOW I can not believe I just said that...what is going on,,,what is this,,,
Last edited by 2BHappy; 07/22/1412:52 AM. Reason: ?
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
WOW I can not believe I just said that...what is going on,,,what is this,,,
Does this surprise you? I'm not surprised. You were hurt. Deeply. There was a run up to the hurt just as there is to an easing back down. Kind of like a bell curve (always looks like a pimple to me, but whatever, right?) The curve starts when you got hurt. You rush around like mad trying to fix things. And then as they start to get better, you revisit the pain and it becomes the most critical part of the whole thing.
It's why we always say that when/if the MLCr wants to come back, it's really up to us, the LBS.
Put another way, a R is like two people on a teeter totter. During this dance, one moves one way, and the other moves to compensate for it to maintain a sort of balance.
The trick is to figure out what it was you wanted and want. And then break the dynamic.
There were some posters that posted about this kind of stuff and really illustrated the whole thing. You two are both going to hide behind the wall of protection. Who's going to come out from behind it first? That's really the question.
I think it was Raine that really illustrated the process of her H coming back to the relationship. You should have a read of that.
If you don't, you'll eventually wonder what if? You owe it to yourself to gain some perspective and see what the other side might look like.
You've been hurt. So has he. I'm not surprised you feel like this, if that helps
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Thanks AJM I have trouble finding others posts...if someone has the time to provide me the link to Raines thread that discusses her H coming back to the R I would really appreciate it. Im not sure what I want right now...I dont want this hurt pain confusion or mistrust anymore.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Hi 2B, I really like what AJ said. It makes a lot of sense to me for sure. Another way of looking at it is it may not be a coincidence that the more detached YOU become, the LESS H likes it. The less you pursue, the more he is drawn back to you and the M. Unless the detachment is REAL, not just done to try and get him back, it won't work. You have to truly be able to say you are alright without him as much as with him. So, now that you are getting to that point, H notices it. See's that it is real and maybe, just maybe he will be drawn back. The secret is it must be real. This is why they say that it is up to the LBS if there will ever be a R once they come out. Because if it's not, he just doesn't work.
Go to the top of the forum, click on the "Search" button and then type in the posters name, i.e., Raine. That will bring up many of the postings that have Raine's name in them. Her last thread was Stuck On You. Also, change your time period setting at the bottom of the forum (left hand side) to change the month/year of postings. That will bring up about quite a few postings over the last year or so, as well.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
