I think you answered your own questions above. ^^^.
---GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
LOL Lisa...this is a tough one to answer. It could be any number of things there. One thing I am fairly certain of though is that last part. The "we still talk" and "we are still friends". I will probably get bombed for saying this by the vets, but to me that is a good thing. I cannot think of a single reason to even say that other than to make it an easy transition to those same people "if" you get back together.
As for the first part of that, who knows. Could be anything. It could just be a generic excuse as to why you are not with him and he doesnt want to talk about it anymore than to say that.
Again take what I said up there with a grain of salt. That is how I would read it, but it could be anything. This is probably the reason we shouldnt mindread lol. I wouldnt put anymore thought into that whole thing though.
Good luck tonight btw! You can do this. You are good enough to be pursued and you dont need to pursue him. I cant wait to hear what happens.
M:33 W:30 T:10 M:2 B/D: 5/27/14 S: 5/28/14 Wife moved back in 7/18/14
I'm not an expert but here is a thought and it's sheer speculation. Your h checked out long before his space announcement. He actually probably considered himself single as soon as he told you, considering that just a formality.
Again, he may not want to look * bad* so he softens it by saying we broke up and are still friends. He can make himself appear to be a good guy. Most peeps don't want to announce they cheated on their W.
Your feelings and questions are totally normal. Hang in there:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Hi GG, Ben and Georgiabelle, Thanks for your replies!
Sounds like the three of you have pretty much summed up what I thought myself. Who knows what he is thinking or why he says things?!? I sure don't and I'm not sure even he does.
Georgiabelle, you are right that he did check out of the R before his announcement. But it sure seemed to happen fast and in hindsight be heavily influenced by sudden attention from the OW. I'm not sure if he was just looking for a way out or if it was sudden to him too. He did say many times that he wasn't sure what he wants and didn't know what would happen, but he never said he wanted to split up. Maybe he is just a chickensh!t!
Ben, I like that you are such an optimist. I'm so glad for you that things are going well! Thank you for checking in with me here and for your good wishes.
I think his whole "friendship" thing is a cover up for other thoughts and feelings. We are NOT friends. I guess that is why I wondered his reason for saying it to everyone. I think he doesn't want to look like a bad guy or FEEL like a bad guy! So he tells himself all is great and we are friends. Not admitting to himself what he is doing to his so called previous "best friend". Probably a bunch of other things mixed up in there.
I don't know when we will meet up. I told him I have a very busy week this week, so next week is better for me. He said ok and we did not discuss it further. I think I will leave it up to him to ask again.
On the other hand he has now been contacting me daily with little random messages about trivial things. Not loving or romantic in any way at all. Friendly, I guess. But every day. I never contact him first. That was one of the problems in our R, I was too available, too "nice".
Sorry for the long ramble. Hope everyone is doing well and has a nice weekend! Hugs, Lisa
Me: 34 H: 30 M: 4 years BD: 6/15/14 He moved out 6/30/14 OW1: EA then PA after BD Now he's dating multiple OWs I'm over it and moving on.
He sent me a message today saying he found a long term apartment and he will come get his stuff/boxes from the house next week. He sounded like he was bragging about this great place he found that is "a bit too expensive".
I'm not sure what to make of it. I am not sure if he has absolutely no empathy, if he thinks I'd actually be happy for him, or what?
Since I figured he maybe expected I'd be upset, I acted cool and just said "great! It looks super nice!"
We had been planning to move (together!) later this year already so it is possible that somewhere in his mind he thinks we could live there together. But of course I have no clue what is crossing his mind. Maybe this is simply conjecture.
It just seems cruel to me that he would think I should be happy about this. It doesn't bother me that much but I just don't get what he is thinking....
Oh well, one day at a time I suppose.
Hugs to all, Lisa
Me: 34 H: 30 M: 4 years BD: 6/15/14 He moved out 6/30/14 OW1: EA then PA after BD Now he's dating multiple OWs I'm over it and moving on.
Lisa, I'm proud of you. Take a step back and see how brave and strong you are taking on these changes. Kudos to you. Keep it going girl. You're on the right track and the right place.
Lisa, thanks for your post on my thread. Your support is much appreciated. I want to share with you oYouTube video I found on this forum site. I forgot who posted it but I hope this can help you.
Hi cq1, thanks for sharing that, I have seen it before. Great stuff. Hope you are doing well.
Just updating and journaling and rambling here. Not feeling so great lately. My PMA is in the trash, I'm confused and sad and don't know which way to go.
In some ways I think my situation might be improving. The WAH is messaging me daily, always finding an excuse to stay in contact. And he also asked to meet up for a drink. (which we have not done yet as I am all booked up right now)
But though there are seeming signs of progress with my H reaching out and wanting to connect, I feel more and more disconnected, hopeless and sad.
He messages me daily with some tidbit of information or a question. I usually wait a while to reply and keep it short and simple. I mostly let him lead the convo and don't ask questions. I have been friendly but casual. Sometimes being funny. We typically have a short exchange of messages sometimes spread over a few hours and then one of us will stop responding, usually me. About half the time his last reply is "haha" or something like that.
At first I was pleased that he contacts me daily, wants to meet. But then lately I just wonder if it is not because he misses me but because he thinks we are friends and is just being friendly. Or that he feels guilt for how SH!TTY he has treated me and wants to be friendly to make up for it.
I am wondering if maybe I am being a doormat. He and I were a terrific couple up to about 1 month before BD. I believe that the OW caught his eye and turned his head around. His interest in her is likely what made him realize he was unhappy with me. But then he started up an EA with her (lying and sneaking around) and then moved out and started sleeping with her immediately. I don't know if he is still seeing her or not. I suspect so because it would be logical. So my question is: if I be nice to him now over message or agree to see him, am I just being a doormat? That he doesn't deserve it? But what about DB principles? Shouldn't I be nice and cool?
I don't want to be the #2 backup or best buddy to talk to when he is bored. But since I found out about OW mostly by snooping, I can't exactly confront him. I'm very angry with him but I feel I have no way to tell him that, and I feel very insecure about what he is up to with OW, and why he is still talking to me. And DB says not to discuss all this anyway, right?
Final point: one of his criticisms of me when he left was that I was too nice, too complimentary and too easy-going. He said he wanted more of a challenge and someone to inspire him to try harder in the R. I was too happy with him...
Can one of the vets or someone, anyone give me some feedback or advice? I know I am mind reading and need to detach and calm down and all that... But I am having a hard time doing it at the moment.
Hugs, Lisa
Me: 34 H: 30 M: 4 years BD: 6/15/14 He moved out 6/30/14 OW1: EA then PA after BD Now he's dating multiple OWs I'm over it and moving on.
Lisa, I too have been feeling the same. Really sad and hopeless. But we must be strong in those dark times. Personally, at least he is reaching out to you. My W doesn't. So in your sitch, I think you are still not giving him a challenge like you said he was complaining about. Re read your post girl and you will find your answer...you're being tooooo AVAILABLE. Step away a bit from him, and let him start his chase for you. Give him that challenge. Who knows, this can open so many new positive direction for your Sitch. Think about it, what do you have to lose at this point? By his recent actions, he's still going to continue to text you. Right? So ease off and don't be so available. Still be positive, confident, and happy. That will be there to draw him back too. Remember, like we both know, they're the ones that should be doing the chase. It's their choice to so you do everything you can to make it happen while bettering yourself with PMA. As fir the talks about how you feel about the OW and wanting to tell him you know...Dont . at least not now. There will be a time for this. Think about this, there will be a better time to talk about this when you both have recommitted to your M. If you do now, chances are it may backfire and push you further away. The point i am trying to make is, keep in mind the goal for your sitch now is to do everything you can to give him the time and space to want you and your marriage back. We can only better ourselves through this process. Its tough, i know but think a out what we have learned here in these forums. Be strong girl, I'm with you in thoughts.
I'm so glad for you that things are going well! Thank you for checking in with me here and for your good wishes.