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#2469791 07/17/14 04:19 AM
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Five Balls
From the book "Suzanne's Diary to Nicholas" by James Patterson

Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them - Work - Family - Health - Friends - Spirit, and you're keeping all of these in the air.

You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls -- family, health, friends and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered.

They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life. How?

1. Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.

2. Don't set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.

3. Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.

4. Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life.

5. Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.

6. Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us together.

7. Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

8. Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

9. Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you are going.

10. Don't forget that a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

11. Don't be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.

12. Don't use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved.


M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
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Never mind that the above post is from a fictional romance novel, and that the central character (Matt, laugh ) is a cheater... the above list still sounds like words to live by to me.

Originally Posted By: Wonka
Did you ask W what she meant by one of the bouncing balls in the air? What other balls was she thinking about? Are there some that you can offer to support in some way?

Communicate, bud!


Thanks for pressing me to go back and ask about this, Wonka. Because I did, I found a wonderful opening for my new thread, which came from a book my wife read.

Even though my wife doesn't desire me "in that way" at the moment, I am fortunate because we get along well, and can both say or ask practically anything we want without any negative repercussions. Plus, I now know I am a glass ball that, if dropped, "will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered."

My wife is now seriously planning quitting her job, which has over stressed her for many years. This may be just what she needs to help her find the meaning in life she is searching for.

In one of our recent discussions about her job, she even used the exact words "meaning" and "purpose"... things I've learned long ago are what persons in crisis are really searching for! Often, they may not understand this, especially at first, and often they waste time searching in all the wrong places. But some really do figure it out, and sometimes even decide their marriage and spouse wasn't the problem after all.

My gut continues to tell me things are improving between my wife and I, so I will continue to stand and give her my best.

Thanks for following, and Bust On, you all!

Previous thread: Mature Love.


Last edited by ForeverYoung; 07/17/14 04:35 AM.

M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
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Originally Posted By: BrightFuture
You are such an inspiration to me. I was starting to doubt that I could ever experience a Mature Love with somebody. I was losing my hope that H will ever come out of his crisis or if I meet somebody new to share my life with.

I do have lots of hope for you.


Thank you so much, Bright. Your words really mean a lot to me. If I inspire anyone I am honored. I'm just doing my best over here like everyone else.


M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
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FY,
I like the title of your thread and I hope posters will read it and print off the 12 points. They are very good and actually fall within the DB principles that we talk about all of the time.

I'm glad your wife is starting to realize that her job is not worth the stress and hopefully will find something more meaningful for her in the near future.

Keep up the good work!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2470116 07/18/14 02:13 AM
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Yay- you do have a new thread!

I love that list- funny that the background of the book is what you mentioned....

"5. Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying."

^^^^^ speaks to me right now. I have much to give and H doesn't need to be in the same place for me to keep trying. He'll catch up eventually!!

I really hope for you that your W changing her job will help. I certainly know that has been a huge thorn for H and I'm pretty sure has prolonged some parts of his MLC.

And I echo Bright's words- you are an inspiration!! I'm a glass half full kinda person, but you my friend, are a glass 99% full kinda person.
Following your story reminds us all to really dig deep and pay attention to the positives. I am so rooting for you and W!!


Me 41 H 40
M 20 T 23
S 19,16, 8 D 13
BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work
BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D
Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015
Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
daring #2470154 07/18/14 04:31 AM
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Originally Posted By: ForeverYoung
9. Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you are going.

This really struck a chord with me. This is what I was doing pre BD. I run so fast through life, always trying to achieve something for the future, but didn’t notice the present. I have some memory gaps from that time because I was running so fast. I actually realized I was doing it sometime before BD and was trying to change it. BD just sped up the process of transitioning to living in present.

It seems like you W is doing some serious work within herself. Keep up the hope and patience going.


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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That's a nice thought fy!

I think I have forgotten what it's like to be a single human, while with h. Today as I walked into work for my shift I got wolf whistled at by a regular customer, something I never thought a slightly tubby 44yo could have happen. whistle I thought those sorts of things were in the past.

And it felt great, he's married but same age or younger and boy I'm still floating 5 hours later.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Ggrass #2470356 07/18/14 07:36 PM
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Originally Posted By: ForeverYoung
Oh, and seeing Cadet's latest links reminds me I need to go back and check some of those out. Thanks, Cadet!


Your welcome, you know where to find me if you need more links!


Me-70, D37,S36
Cadet #2470362 07/18/14 07:42 PM
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Quote:
1. Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.

2. Don't set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.

3. Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.

4. Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life.


FY,

I LOVE the first four. Hear! Hear!!


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
LoisB #2473518 07/29/14 04:55 AM
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Thank you ladies and gent for dropping by and leaving your thoughts!

I feel I've reached a new level of peace with my sitch. Accepting it for what it is, and that it will take more time for the physical intimacy to return. I'm spending more time focusing on all the good things in my life and marriage, instead of on the "missing" parts.

Hyper focus on the M, and on "fixing" the M, can be very draining. I think sometimes, especially early on, we analyze too much, read too much, surround ourselves with too much destruction. We TRY too hard, and that never works. Know when to take a break and just enjoy your life and be yourself. You'll never get today back, so think hard on how you'd like to spend it.

Live in the moment, focus on positive things, and surround yourself with positive people. Do something nice for someone, make the world a tiny bit better.

-----------------

W says she is committed to at least finish her major annual project, (about 2 months to go) before leaving her job. My guess is she will stay longer.

One thing I've noticed is that on the days she returns from work frazzled and grumpy, she soon mellows out once in our home and with me. smile It seems our home and I truly are a calming sanctuary. cool

Originally Posted By: TVS
Keep finding ways to connect with her emotionally FY. Not just spend time together doing an activity, but not really connecting. Think. Think of things that may draw you two closer.

Or as someone very wise has told me, numerous times, show her the possibilities of what could be...


Thanks, TVS. I've recently been thinking more about this because it does seem W is beginning to be more open to connecting.

I'm being serious when I say MLC can be a very exciting and positive time in our lives.


M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
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