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LOl - let's hope it continues. I'm sure your life will be a bit nicer when he finally dumps OW. Yes, there'll be a new woman, but she won't come with the emotional baggage that this one does for you, and maybe he'll make a better choice next time.

Funny how once you're out of the way, he can't focus his negativity on you anymore, she gets to become the target.

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Lucky her.

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
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kml ummmmmmm OW2 didn't make my life easier

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maybe he'll make a better choice next time.


Possibly, less crazy, but he now focuses more negativity on me

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Great, great weekend with D!! Awesome girls weekend. We went to the beach, made hamburgers, went to a salon blowout sale, my boss's boss birthday party, stayed at a really nice hotel (which I got a fantastic deal on AND they upgraded us to a suite) and visited the American Girl Doll warehouse sale AND went to the zoo and outlet mall shopping. I'm paying for it today, but we both loved every minute of it. I am doing things I never thought I would do on my own or COULD do on my own. I am really learning that I can do anything I set my mind too.

Yesterday we got home and we both just crashed. I took a catnap and called J and asked him if he could bring the dog over. He said yes. Well, it took a bit longer than normal so I wondered what was up. J pulled in to drop off the dog and of course, OW was right beside him. Really? You can't let him out of your sight for five minutes for him to drop off the dog at my place? Whatever. I could never be with someone who clung so tightly. J probably likes it. But then again, maybe the noose is starting to tighten around his neck.

He had called me and wanted to go over some financial stuff, like variable expenses, paystubs, etc. He said he made an excel spreadsheet he wanted us both to go over. He asked if we could go over it at my place. And honestly, I would rather do it on my turf rather than at the house. I will clarify that OW is NOT to show up. She is not welcome in my home. I would actually prefer to work on this at a neutral location, but my fear is that she will show up anyway.

Texted a bit with S last night who is having a good time at his church mission trip and is making lots of new friends. I am so proud of that boy. I miss him (so does D) but I know he's in good hands. J asked me earlier if I had heard from him yet and I said, no, he's probably busy. J said "or else he's just ignoring me". Mr. Positive strikes again.

I am starting to make more of a life for myself when the kids aren't around, but it feels wrong. I feel like I am letting them down. That's my issue to work through though, but it isn't easy. I had kids because I felt I lived my life and I wanted to devote my time to my kids. Unfortunately I married someone whom I THOUGHT felt that way. Turns out I was wrong. So unfortunate.

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
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I am starting to make more of a life for myself when the kids aren't around, but it feels wrong


Don't forget, one of your jobs as a parent is to model a successful social life for them! You need to show them what it looks like to have friends as an adult.

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^^^ nodding my head in agreement with Ellie

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Thanks KML and Wonka. I don't know what my problem is. Too much guilt. I think it has a lot to do with my anxiety issues.

Since D will be with her daddy tonight and I have a doctor appointment, I dropped the dog off at J's house this morning. OW answered the door bright and sunny as always (not). The dog tried to make an escape. LOL! I don't know why, but it really torks me off she has set up residence in this house like she owns the place. I am trying to work through it and let it go. Some part of me (the detective part I think) is still searching for "why". I keep thinking there is something about her that is better than me. More desirable and I have this nagging need to figure out why. But I will probably never know why. And that bugs me.

On another note, J still continues to be overly nice to me. Not sure why? Does he want something or is he genuinely trying to be civil? I should probably put down the guns and stop thinking the worst about him, but once bitten twice shy. He calls me every day for some reason or another. Sometimes a couple times a day. I just shake my head. Sometimes I answer, other times I don't bother. He called me the other day to tell me he was on his way to Menards and did I need him to pick up anything for me while he was there??? WTH?

So a doctor's appointment tonight, D's baseball and dinner with DivorceCare group tomorrow, groceries on Friday, beach and dinner with a friend on Saturday and kids back Sunday. I am really starting to fill up my time away from the kids. I'm thinking about taking a dance class. Good way to get back in shape and D has inspired me.

WH


AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012
Two kids, one dog
D Final 6/18/14
J marries OW 1/24/15
"No matter where you go, there you are"
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Some part of me (the detective part I think) is still searching for "why". I keep thinking there is something about her that is better than me. More desirable and I have this nagging need to figure out why. But I will probably never know why. And that bugs me.


The answer, pure and simple? Like most MLCers, he gravitated towards her because A) she was available and willing, and B) she makes him feel like a big man because she is less than him.

It's surprisingly common for WASs to "affair down"; funny how seldom we read about the WASs going off with a doctor or supermodel, right? But very common for them to run off with someone who is "less than" their spouse.

And my ex, when we were reconciling from his first affair, actually told me that he felt disappointed at the time that his affair partner was so plain! (She fulfilled his Asian fantasy, but in a very plain Chinese peasant sort of way lol). He actually felt cheated that he didn't have a more attractive girlfriend lol!!!

So no - your ex's affair doesn't have to do with you, it has to do with HIM, and HIM feeling like a loser so he needs someone who is even MORE of a loser so he can still feel like the big man.

And I would quit answering his calls except when they are important. I have a feeling your cell phone is going to start getting very glitchy very soon wink

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Wishing, for being divorced, he is still so much a part of your daily life. I think that needs to change. Just my opinion. He is weaseling into your new life. Nip it. NIP IT IN THE BUD.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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BTW - although my ex's current wife - not an OW - is cute, younger, and possibly a bit more athletic than I was - I also know for a fact that she makes a lot less than me (one of my ex's bogus excuses for leaving was that I wasn't making enough money lolol), and isn't as smart. She seems nice enough, and fulfills his Asian fantasy, but really, she hasn't got anything on me. She's just different.

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