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Good for you facing the inevitable, signing the papers quickly, and now reaping the benefits!

Karma


M 56 H 52
M 13.5 T 15
S 28 twinStep Ds 24
ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14
Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14
Divorce final 7/8/14


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Quote:
I guess me signing the divorce papers right away was a good decision because I got it done before he had time to think more on it.


Hey TL, looking back it's funny how things have a way of working out. smile

Just checking in on ya. As usual, you sound really good. Just want to thank you again for your support. Later.


Me 59 H47
M12 T22
No kids
BD&S Apr 2,2013 - ILYBINILWY
Filed 2/12/14
OW 11/13
The Universe always strikes you at your weakest point because that’s what most needs strengthening." – Joseph Campbell
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TL72* Offline OP
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Closing on the refi is tomorrow!! He signed the quit claim deed (I was afraid he would not do it) so that is a relief!! I don't have to see him again and with that last contact I get the feeling he will not contact me again anyway. A notary is coming to my house to have me sign the papers and then it will be done. I'm excited that this chapter can close and a new one will begin.


Me - 42
exH - 56
Married 10.5 years
Together 17
bomb dropped 1/6/14
signed papers 2/4/14
H moved out 2/22/14
D final 4/4/14
Dropped the rope 5/17/14
2 cats, 2 dogs
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
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I'm sorry about how things came about...but I'm very happy to read that he signed the quit claim deed and the refi is taking place tomorrow. Onward and upward, the next chapter of your life has begun.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Yay, TL. Congratulations! After all you have been through this year, hopefully from here on out you get some peace and joy for a while before the next challenge. You are to be commended for the way you handled yourself through all of this. I'm so proud of you and how you have been able to work through it all with grace and dignity. Up on the pedestal you go!

Now when I get to a bad spot I say, "what would TL do?' laugh
Thank you, my friend.


Me 59 H47
M12 T22
No kids
BD&S Apr 2,2013 - ILYBINILWY
Filed 2/12/14
OW 11/13
The Universe always strikes you at your weakest point because that’s what most needs strengthening." – Joseph Campbell
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 342
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Thank you job! Thank you Tboned smile
I was so anxious yesterday and it only took 30 minutes to sign all that paperwork, now it's mine (and the banks) and he's officially free of it and I'm officially independent. Went out to celebrate and had dinner, drinks and played pool with my very supportive friend. yesterday happened to be the day that my brothers and I spread my mother's ashes as well. We went to a big waterfall in the woods and the weather was absolutely perfect yesterday. Now to focus on eating healthier and quitting smoking. I only started at BD 6 months ago so I should be able to get a handle on that hopefully smile Tboned thanks again for your kind words.
Tina


Me - 42
exH - 56
Married 10.5 years
Together 17
bomb dropped 1/6/14
signed papers 2/4/14
H moved out 2/22/14
D final 4/4/14
Dropped the rope 5/17/14
2 cats, 2 dogs
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 224
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TL - I popped over to check out your thread after you left me such an encouraging message.

I am sorry to hear about your mum passing. It must have been so hard for you, and doubly difficult dealing with refi as well.

But you have made it - and Independent Woman. Go girl!

I need to join you on the healthier eating, never smoked - that was X's vice - but pizza and icecream keep calling. I will get there, and I am sure you will to. Easy in comparision.

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TL- I'm late to the congratulations-you're-officially-free-of-x-and-your-house-is-yours party! But congratulations!
The location for spreading your mom's ashes sounds absolutely lovely. I hope it's close enough that you can visit the waterfall in the woods often and reflect on your mom, your life with her, and your new life moving forward.
Warmly,
cczamo


M 56 H 52
M 13.5 T 15
S 28 twinStep Ds 24
ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14
Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14
Divorce final 7/8/14


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TL72* Offline OP
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On Friday I received an email from my ex asking if he was supposed to get paperwork showing that the refi was final. It is not in the divorce paperwork to provide proof but I emailed back that I would be happy to send him some documents when I receive them (I guess the payoff letter from the mortgage company or the warranty deed with only my name on it). Anyway I thought no big deal. Then he emailed back saying "I guess I gave you a house, figures" which I did not respond to. He didn't give me anything. We bought that house together, I have worked full time making a higher salary than him the entire 16 years we lived together. The down payment was my severence pay from a prior job and the other part of the down payment was a gift from my father. Yes he paid half the mortgage payment each month for close to 5 years but that hardly constitutes giving me a house. Then there is the fact that HE asked for the divorce, HE wrote the papers and he wrote them in such a way that he wanted out, he wanted out NOW and he didn't want any thing to do with me and asked for no equity. He took his clothes and cd's and laptop, and left almost everything else. Those were HIS choices - the MLC - so whatever, I didn't bother responding to that and he emailed me a few minutes later saying "no response? I deserve better than that" so I responded (yes I know I should not have, I KNOW he was baiting me!!) I stated "I'm sorry you feel that way, I did not write the divorce papers, I was only following the instructions I was given in them" (which was to refi the house within a year, I did it within 4 months, the original divorce papers said refi within 90 days by the way). He responded to that with a horrific tirade. He opened with "You Cxxt!" and that I could shove my apology up my azz, He called me a whore and some other bad things and went on about how I ruined his life. That I cost him everything. ???? I so wanted to remind him that I begged him to stay when he first bomb dropped, how I did everything I could do between then and the move out in February. I wanted to remind him how these were all his choices but I remember that there is no reasoning with someone in MLC. I wondered if maybe he was drinking. I ignored it. Then he emailed and texted me for hours. I didn't hear my phone going off, I was out with friends but I read them all after, he sent me about 6 more emails, mostly just subject lines that called me a thief - I guess he thinks I stole the house? I don't know what else he could mean about that. Calling me a whore, he sent probably 4 text messages and he called, I did not answer, never heard it ring - and he left no voicemail. When I got to work this morning he had left me an email on my work email that says "ever asked yourself "am i a thief?" I really don't know what game he's playing and I don't want to know. I am hoping he was just drunk and have not heard from him since around 8:30 Friday night. To be honest it scared me. I was thinking he might show up or take it further. I don't like feeling paranoid about it. I don't want to play victim here. Trying to remove myself from that victim triangle, I'm not responding at all but I did save them all in case the harassment continues. I don't understand why all the sudden it turned this way, the whole divorce was very fast and "friendly", he was coming over to visit the dogs every few weeks, otherwise no contact. I got the feeling he lost his job but I don't know that for sure and not trying to find out, none of my business. I do want him to leave me alone now- he's back to blaming me for everything, I just found it surprising, he wasn't like this for the last 6 months. I feel that if I were to reply it is just opening the door for more attacks. My brother suggested I change my number and email address. I shouldn't have to go through all that, and he will still know my work email, phone and where I live. He didn't threaten but I still felt threatened. I don't now, but that was my initial defensive feeling. He lives in a different town from me, about 30 minutes away. Part of me wants to understand why this is going on and the other part of me says just ignore it, let it go, forgive him, and I'm indifferent. One of his emails actually said "I hate you. You're a whore" I mean it sounds like a 7 year old having a tantrum to me. I hate you? I was hoping some of you could tell me if this has happened to you and how you handled it? I was going to just ignore it and when I get the papers from the refi I could email them to him and say something about this being the final paperwork,please don't contact me again but I think that would just instigate him to contact me again. I will send the paperwork regardless, I feel that's the right thing to do but I'm not giving him any money since it was not in the divorce paperwork. He left me with a 1200 dollar a month house payment to suddenly pay alone, and 4 cats and 2 dogs - if anyone got screwed it was me. The vet care and food, litter etc can be enormous. Now that I refi'd it is saving me money and I'm feeling independent and stronger than ever before. I'm rambling now, I just wondered if any of you had some advice, if it happens again if I should respond or ask him to please stop or let him know that I"m documenting everything? Right now i'm just letting it go and seeing what happens. He's obviously very angry and I didn't even do anything to prompt this but refi the house like he wanted. argh.


Me - 42
exH - 56
Married 10.5 years
Together 17
bomb dropped 1/6/14
signed papers 2/4/14
H moved out 2/22/14
D final 4/4/14
Dropped the rope 5/17/14
2 cats, 2 dogs
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,538
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Hi, This stuff constitutes abuse and harassment and he has no right to do this. Nor should you be be caused to feel afraid or intimidated

I have the same issues, although my xh's language isn't as vulgar, thank goodness. I suspect it is guilt and remorse, but that doesn't make it acceptable.

I blocked my xh's emails and will not take his calls, or open mail from him. He lives too far away to be a physical threat.

However it is worth documenting it all, and maybe thinking about having your lawyer draft a letter advising him to stop any further attempts to contact you in this way . State laws vary I now, but really we do not have to tolerate this immature behaviour. If you are seriously worried about him showing up have the police numbers and your phone handy.

They know they have messed up big time, but do not have the life skills to put things right. And it is so useful to have someone else to blame.

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