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#2468194 07/12/14 09:44 AM
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It has been a while since I have posted, the last time I heard from X in fact. Well, I haven't heard from him since (why would I - he got what he needed from me) and I am now unlikely to hear from him again. Our house sale (finally) completed yesterday. He now has what he wanted from the beginning - to leave me, the dog and sell the house. Free from responsibility was also mentioned, but as he has now married the OW I guess he has some responsibilities.

I hope he's happy now.

Nothing about this situation has been good, or made me happy, but I do feel a sense of relief that this is no longer hanging over me, and I finally have some cash in the bank.

I do not have the finances, or ability to get a mortgage, to own my own home again (at present) and that has been a sticking point for me. However I am coming to terms with this, and it gives me more freedom of choice if opportunities arise for me out of this area.

I am also trying to take better care of myself. After a scare with a recent mammogram ( which luckily turned out to be nothing) and the tiredness and cravings I realised I needed to step back from trying to prove I could do everything and do just those things I wanted to do, or really needed to do. More rest, more "me time", and better food choices. I am starting to notice a difference. My body and brain need some time out. Now I have some cash I will be taking a long awaited for holiday - possibly a cruise - with a long time girl friend.

So... the door seems to have closed on my "previous" life and relationship. I now have the impetus to move on with what I have now.

Ab Fab #2468203 07/12/14 12:50 PM
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So... the door seems to have closed on my "previous" life and relationship. I now have the impetus to move on with what I have now.


Ab, I'm so glad you checked in. :-)

Things are getting better and money is in the bank!!

I know you are still feeling some of it, the loss, but I'm so glad the house is done and you are now able to move forward. I know you will...and things will be FABULOUS!!


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
LoisB #2469053 07/15/14 03:25 PM
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Ab Fab
glad you going to move forward and you know what - you will be OK! I had that same scare with my mammogram in February, glad it turned out to be nothing for you too. I had a similar sitch with my ex about the house, he wanted off the mortgage and didn't care how I accomplished it, just didn't want that responsibility anymore. Didn't matter to him that it would break me financially. I close tomorrow on the refi and I'm so excited now that it will be mine and he can have what he wanted and I can move on without him in my life. I feel the same as you that it is unlikely he will contact me again now that it will be completed. I'm totally cool with that. It's a new chapter for you and many great opportunities will come your way. You will have your independence and freedom. smile


Me - 42
exH - 56
Married 10.5 years
Together 17
bomb dropped 1/6/14
signed papers 2/4/14
H moved out 2/22/14
D final 4/4/14
Dropped the rope 5/17/14
2 cats, 2 dogs
TL72* #2470192 07/18/14 09:57 AM
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TL72* - thanks for dropping by. Hope your refi went through ok. Lucky you - you now own your own home. I am fine now with the fact I don't, the financial independence has a lot going for it currently.

However, you are right about the no contact -BUT the house sale has led to new issues.

Went to set up some new accounts at the bank and discovered that I still named as an additional cardholder on his credit card and our joint bank account is still open (but not active). I was going to write to him, but he still assumes I don't know where he is and what he is calling himself these days and I don't know if I want to break that bubble yet. This morning I had a letter sent from the local council our house came under, addressed to me and his "new name" this is still a little freaky for me.

I will put it to one side and deal with it later (not urgent) but with the distance between us and all that has happened his new life seems to be able to encroach onto mine still in silly ways that just get to me sometimes. I think I really needed this to be "IT".

This MLC really doesn't go away. But you have to do your best to ignore it - which can be easier said than done.

Ab Fab #2470314 07/18/14 05:45 PM
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Surprise, Surprise. Text from X. Needs me to contact council so he can get the refund on taxes paid. No change there then - only gets in touch when he needs me to do something.

Unfortunately I am a little too busy right now to deal with it. It will go on my "to do" pile.

He was in my thoughts on the way to work today, following the letter. However it suddenly hit me. This is not about me. My counsellor told me that sooooo many times. He is running from himself - hence the name changes etc. And, it appears, doesn't want anyone else to know where he is either. The solicitors handling the house sale apparently sent all his correspondence care of the estate agent, which he then picked up. He has told me to send the info he needs to the house we have just sold as he has another redirect for post to there in place. He hasn't actually lived there for over a year, and someone else still owns it, but he wants his correspondence sent via there?

What planet is this man living on. Or is he just hiding stuff from the new wife. Where is he re-directing it too? Right now I don't care. Too hot to worry.

To me it says quite loudly MAD...

Ab Fab #2470320 07/18/14 06:07 PM
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What planet is this man living on?


Ab,

It's the planet ME ME ME! Right next to the planet GUILT, Eventual Regret, Betrayal and UR-ANUS.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
LoisB #2470341 07/18/14 06:51 PM
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So funny...

I just had an e-mail from a good friend who follows him on Twitter (Twit -sounds about right. He is calling himself an supporting artist/actor. He's a civil servant. OMG what is he thinking?

While writing this I have just had a thought, maybe Actor isn't so far off. His acting out his life, not living it, the act always has to come to an end...


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