Dealing with WAW Part 2

[oad]

dude way to go!!! happy for you buddy!!! dam now its my turn to score a dinner date...first thorton now you, happy 4 u!! ok celebration is over...get back to work...lol

[bashy]

Brilliant pilot. Following your story for a while. Keep up the good work man!

[pilot]

Thanks guys. Not sure there is any brilliance in what I'm doing. Just good at throwing darts I guess...

[bashy]

You are obviously aiming well my friend and not throwing blindly. Keep us informed...

[pilot]

Ok, here is my day. I met W at the local private school around 11ish. We toured it, and everything was pleasant. We then went to a BBq place she really likes and had a nice lunch. Again, more pleasant benign conversation (kids were with us). Then drove the 45 minutes back to my dads place i am staying, and we took the kids swimming for a couple of hours. More pleasantness. Afterwards, I gave the kids a bath, got them in their pjs, and my W and I went to this big touristy (but fun) place to have dinner. There was an hour and a half wait, so we had bushwhackers and a couple of beers while talking sitting on a pier. Nothing R or M related, just happy talk. We then had dinner, a bottle of wine, and finished off with dessert and a fireball shot (she had mentioned these in an earlier conversation). More just really happy 'first datish' kinda conversations. She complimented me left and right on how I looked, how I dressed, my cologne, how different things seemed about me...etc. She talked a lot about what she was doing up there, I gave eye contact and listened. Afterwards, we drove back to my place, went in and the kiddos were still awake. So we helped my dad tuck em into bed. We went back downstairs, and she hugged me several times at length. I helped her with her stuff out to her car so she could go stay at her friends place. She wanted to hug more and halfway looked like I could move in for a kiss. But I did not. I was more interested in the kids future...go figure. So I asked her 'so you still want the kids to be up in <her town>. She said yes. I said I am willing to go look at the schools there, but our decision has to be about what is going to give our kids the best education. I told her I understand her concerns about her being able to afford living here, but our kids have to be the primary concern. This kinda set her into a different mood. And you know what? I do not care. I know things were going great, and I know I prob could have convinced her to stay. She was moving closer and closer, but I wanted to shut that door, at least for now. For one, I did not want her to play on my emotions (if she was) to get me to agree to the kids staying up with her. If that was not her intent, but her intent was to move 'closer' to me, I wanted to shut that down as well as we have not had OM talk or discloser yet.

Do not get me wrong. There was a part of me that really wanted to just 'hook up' with her tonight. And Id say it was at least a coin toss as to whether or not that could have happened. But I chose to bring up the kid issue now because I knew it would turn the waters cold (on my terms and by my doing) on the evening we were having. Not that I think it took away from any of the positive feelings we were having. But it brings back the cold reality of why she was here in the first place. Plus I knew I was vulnerable at that moment if I let things progress and had to regain some control.

Dunno if what I did was right, but I did not want to allow anything physical to cloud my judgement. Worse case, IMO, I figured she would assume I would not be that easy to get back.

Or maybe I fudged up....

Either way, she wants me to text her in the morning so we can have breakfast and hang out with the kiddos. We planned on having lunch as well before she left to head back to her home town. She said could stay as long as Friday, but I told her I had plans.

[pilot]

Oh, and just so I do not seem like a complete a$$, after she left, I waited a few minutes and texted "I had a good time :)' She replied "me too :)"

I only sent that because she had told me that a couple of times prior to her leaving.

[Thornton]

Interesting development, P-Diddy.

I have to admit, I like your style. You are staying true to your beliefs, I respect that. And I think WAW has to respect that as well.

I wouldn't bring up kid talk tomorrow. Just have a good time. You can always talk about the kids on the phone after she's left. Just focus on giving her something to think about when she makes that long drive home.

[pilot]

You are right about how to approach (today) Thorn. I do not plan on talking schools or anything negative. I want her to leave and drive back on a positive.

I am seriously conflicted here, and why I had hoped to get more advice prior to her arrival. Things went really well all day up to the point I threw a wrench in with the kid talk at the end of our evening. It was kinda like going on a first date and when you are on the front steps of her house about to have that first kiss you blurt out 'oh btw, i have herpes'. Hah.

My concern was things were going too well, and maybe too quickly. I want the path back smooth, but the path back HAS a toll booth so to speak. There are things she has to disclose/discuss. She had plans to stay at a friend's house last night. Well, during our evening, we were talking about the HBO/Starz shows we used to watch all the time together, and how now neither of us really watch any tv at all. One of those was the True Blood show (although I think it has gone down hill since season 1). Neither of us has watched any of the new season. I made a comment in a half hearted manner that we could always stay at my place and see how many episodes we could make it through. She said ok. I think this is what kinda got me. Because when we got back to my place and had helped put the kids to bed and we were downstairs alone together, she was initiating hugs and holding, and at the end of one, she pulled back a bit so our faces were right in front of each other, and this is where it seemed the time COULD have been right for a kiss. The look was in her eyes. My response was to smile nicely, and let go, and say I will help her get her bags into the car. As much as I wanted the night to progress, I did NOT want it to progress without certain steps being met first.

Let me be clear. I do NOT think she is ready to work on M or our R at this time. She may or may not. But I have not gotten any clear signal or indication she is there yet. Yesterday and last night could have been anything from a great 'first date' towards that path to a nice night out amongst friends. Trying to figure out which is pointless (mindreading). I do kind of get the impression she now not only wants to know what I am thinking, but why I am thinking it. An example of why I say that is one of her comments during our evening when she was talking about my appearance (lost weight, new clothes, cologne she liked...all stuff she complimented) she again wondered why I never wore the colors I was wearing while we were together. I said I just felt great and was happy (or something along those lines). When I said I was happy, she asked why. I did not answer her, but I just smiled and after a brief pause, talked about something else.

At any rate, it all goes back to my fear of undetaching. While detached my mind is at relative peace and I have more control. To allow myself to undetach takes away the two things which have been godsends to me these past couple months.

[Maybell]

Wow, pilot, that's how it's done.

[Eatsma]

Pilot - you're doing great.

I love the idea that the path back has a toll booth. Yes - it should!