H was here while I was out to get some tools. For the first time, he did not replace them with the others he took before. Now there's an empty shelf in the garage.
This is new. Seems he's weaning himself away.
The past 2 days have definitely been sad.
I'm still GAL. That has not waive red. But it seems recently I'm bothered more by the down time than I used to be. Seems a little backwards to me...
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
Artsy, isn't it ironic that when they run to escape responsibility, they end up getting more stress added on. Too bad many of them were never taught how to handle life's stresses. It often causes more. Just like your h now has the responsibility of taking care of his parents, my h got ow pregnant and has that to deal with. That's how I found out about her- she was 4 months! Not exactly the escape they were looking for, huh?
Well bring on the irony! My h had the v many yrs ago, too. I begged him to reverse since we had kids so young. He did, and we were told it didn't work- well that the count was too low to work. Well.... low and behold.... it worked??!!! Just not with me!
I'm reeeeaaaaallllllly tired of the emotional swings. And I'm talking about mine
Nothing new has happened- I'm just in my head too much. I hate it. I get out of the house as much as I can, but the thoughts still creep back in. I'm sure time will take care if that.
I've decided to not be here when he comes. I don't feel good about myself when I have contact with him. So, I'm going to a party.
GB will appreciate this :
Side note: in the depths of my pity party the last few days, I went to the prayer room at my church. It's a great space where you can sit and meditate. There are bibles and books with scriptures for specific situations. I thinks it's called : what the bible says about...
Well, as I'm sitting there bawling, I pray for some kind of SOMETHING. Anything. I pray for strength a lot. This one was more silent because of my mental state at the time. It was really more of a cry for help or mercy.
I picked up the book next to me and opened it to a random page (I do this a lot, especially with scripture). I opened up the book and landed on the first page of the "Marital Problems" page! Immediately the first verse that strikes me is 1 Peter 3:
3 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
Of course, cue more tears!
I feel like this scripture is the definition of DBing an MLC H.
I get signs like this all the time (documented in my other threads). I guess I keep fighting the good fight until God tells me to move on.
Last edited by artsy; 07/26/1406:52 PM.
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
A party? Good for you. Now about those signs...., I'm so impressed. I keep a deck of cards in my purse. Sometimes I will ask a question and pull out a card for an answer. If it's an ace of the wish card (9 of hearts)it's true. I know some perps think it's crazy (these cards are only used for questions- no solitaire) and other spreads to answer questions. They have been uncannily accurate and like you, I see that they are everywhere. On a funny note, I asked the other day if anyone would ever think I was cute again. This car zooms by on the left with a license plate "yes300". Don't think the 300 has significance:-)'
Artsy, keep focusing on you. I think you are doing the right thing leaving h alone. You are doing awesome! And keep sharing signs :-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Uhhhhh, GB, clearly you will have 300 suitors if you decide to venture "out there" again! They'll be lined up around the block!!!
Ok- you asked for it! Lol went to church tonight. Life changing message for me. Here's the quick and dirty:
All summer the theme is Scandals of the Bible. Basically God used these people who we normally would scoff at to be his messengers and servants.
Started out with the parable of the two servants who had their debts forgiven. One had a debt of 50 (whatever the currency) wiped clean and the other had a debt of 5,000 wiped clean. Who was more grateful? Obviously #2- people who are forgiven major things in life know what true love feels like versus someone who hasn't had to worry about it.
Ties into the concept of 3 days throughout the Bible. Jonah was in the belly of the whale after he was acting a fool. After 3 days the whale spit him out. Saul/Paul was denying Jesus was real when he had the Damascus Road experience that left him blind for three days. And of course Christ arose from the dead after 3 days. There are more examples in the Bible but these three were key stories. The point: Everyone has experiences in life that humble you. LUCKY people have MAJOR experiences that absolutely knock you on the floor- the lowest point of your life. It is at this point where you come face to face with God; you realize you can't do this alone and you DO NOT WANT THE LIFE YOU HAD BEFORE. And you LEARN WHAT IS IMPORTANT IN LIFE. You are then left to sit and think about what truly matters and appreciate all life has to offer. Here is where you learn in a way no other experience could have taught you.
^^^^ this is your "3 days", so to speak.
You have 2 options: go back to the way you were living and repeat the process, or learn from it, change and be blessed for the rest of your life.
Once you turn the corner and get spit out of the whales belly you get a second chance at life,where you are able to love deeper and receive love more than you could have ever imagined.
The pastor ended his sermon saying he genuinely hopes we all have such an experience. Because as painful as it is to endure, the payout on the other side is amazing.
Maybe it's just me, but I think we're all in our 3 days right now!!!
...this is where the car with the "300yes" goes zooming by!!
Last edited by artsy; 07/27/1402:18 AM.
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
It must be the week for it, the funeral I attended had verses about a good wife, about being whole some hard working and putting family before your self.
No wonder h was stressed at the grave side. Lol I found it very true and poinet.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
H came to get the dog yesterday- he was 3 hours later than he was supposed to be. No text to give me a heads up- not like the old, responsible H at all. I wasn't home, as mentioned before. I was out GAL. He texted me when he was on his way to get the dog. I told him there were leftovers in the fridge if he hadn't eaten- I got no reply to that or to the pleasant note I left in the house. Doesn't bother me- just documenting. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to his response style.
Also documenting: perhaps this is the beginning of him reconnecting with the dogs... He has ignored them since early March.
Today I'm on a higher hill of the roller coaster ride. I know the ride is still running, but in have actively been trying to stay in the moment- I notice a HUGE difference in my PMA when I do.
I actively shut down thinking about the past- good and bad because they both do me no good right now. I have enough life experience to know the good memories will outlive the bad, anyway. Looking forward to that.
I also realize there's no need to look back- I analyzed enough to recognize where I made mistakes and I have been addressing them. So, I'm staying out of my own way now and continuing to move forward, one day at a time.
Getting my hair done today--- so excited!!!!! I had to stop 2 years ago because we couldn't afford it with my job change. Well, so happens I have a couple hairdressers in my program, so they do my hair for free and I help them study. Yesssssss!!!!!!
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
After reading countless threads, I realize the "friend" role may be the best route for him if he is going to return.
Ummmmm...beginning to regret my vehement stance over a month ago.
HOWEVER: he pretty much ignored my statement, and we have been in contact quite a bit more the last month than the previous months.
I realize I reacted out of hurt and fear- knee jerk reaction. While I don't want to see him a lot (or at all) right now, I would still like to maintain a connection. Gee, could this be what they feel like after the MLC script flies out of their mouth???? I now know what it feels like to act out of emotion! Ugh!!!
I'm guessing I should just continue to speak via my actions and build on things...should I retract my statement (I'm afraid it would come off as pursuing- he DEFINITELY pushes back if I'm too nice. HE'S the only one allowed to be nice for some reason...)??
My gut says not to bring it up- that would be considered R talk...put my money where my mouth is, basically. Right??
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
